To take only one DC for a weekend away?

[NarwhalsTusk]

I have two DS, aged 6 and 9.

DS9 is fit and has great stamina. DS6 doesn’t - no disabilities etc, but even accounting for him being there years younger he’s just not built the same way.

I love the outdoors and hill walking and both DC are pretty keen but as a family we’re normally limited to what DS6 can manage.

DS9 is easily fit enough now to take on some peaks in Snowdonia. I’d love to take him away for a weekend to tackle a proper mountain. He’d love it. And it’d be nice to have some 1-1 time with him.

But DS6 would be gutted. He thinks (despite all evidence to contrary) he’s as capable as DS9. He’s also very attached to me so would be particularly jealous of me going away with just DS9.

WIBU to take DS9 away on his own?

Last year I took just my older DC and I to London for a weekend. It was great. He’s an excellent walker - DC2 is not, he’d have been moaning the whole time!

Younger DC is jealous of course but he doesn’t really understand what he’s missing and when he’s older we’ll do something he likes.

AND he got 1 on 1 time with DH

Its fine, he cab spend time doing something he likes with his dad

But that would be because a football camp would impose age limits. You've imposed your own age limits.

If DS9 was good at football but DS6 also liked kicking a ball around, I’m not sure anyone would be saying I couldn’t send DS9 to a football camp because DS6 couldn’t go too.

That doesn't sound how you've described it. It sounds more like if they were both equally into football, but you thought DS9 was better at it so you only sent him to football camp.

100% agree

Treating your children equal isn’t the same as treating them fair. In fact it is often unfair as they get older.

DS6 probably doesn’t feel less capable because you all work at his level when together. Let him struggle sometimes (not every trip obviously). When he struggles, have him stay back with your partner (or you) and perhaps deviate to an easier route or go ahead back while you (or partner) and DS9 continue.

You need to spend time with each DS one on one, but DS6 doesn’t need a special big trip just because DS9 gets one. “When you get stronger, I’ll take you alone too if you want. For now, we’ll make time to X together.” (Not if you get stronger, when. Always show confidence in him.)

I know I could be roasted for such, but I’ve seen the difference when siblings are treated equal vs fair. My younger two are very close in age and I hope I can balance the difference well as they get older. I know it will get tricky having watched friends and family.