To take only one DC for a weekend away?

[NarwhalsTusk]

I have two DS, aged 6 and 9.

DS9 is fit and has great stamina. DS6 doesn’t - no disabilities etc, but even accounting for him being there years younger he’s just not built the same way.

I love the outdoors and hill walking and both DC are pretty keen but as a family we’re normally limited to what DS6 can manage.

DS9 is easily fit enough now to take on some peaks in Snowdonia. I’d love to take him away for a weekend to tackle a proper mountain. He’d love it. And it’d be nice to have some 1-1 time with him.

But DS6 would be gutted. He thinks (despite all evidence to contrary) he’s as capable as DS9. He’s also very attached to me so would be particularly jealous of me going away with just DS9.

WIBU to take DS9 away on his own?

Dunno, my brother and my dad shared a hobby I had no interest in. If I had had the choice to stay with my mum I would have preferred that.

Your attitude has the potential to be very divisive for your family.

sorry, maybe I wasn't clear, but that's what I meant!

OP says both DS9 and DS6 really enjoy outdoors things, I think it would be a much easier sell and less of an issue if DS6 wasn't into it. As a kid if I was given the choice to stay with my cousins for the weekend or go walking in the lakes I would 100% want to stay with cousins. But if I was dropped at my cousins while my sibling was taken to Legoland I would be peeved.

But I didn’t eg stop my eldest from riding a bike until the youngest could, or reading Harry Potter or going to cubs camp. Inevitably there are loads of experiences that the eldest DC gets to first because of their age.

I wouldn’t when they’re so close in age - just three years apart.

I would wait until the younger one is old enough in a few years, as the eldest would still enjoy it then.

Or you could do as a pp has said and give them two separate trips, but it doesn’t sound like there’s anything the 6 yo would enjoy as much. Or is it that there’s nothing you fancy doing with him?

very true, but what you are suggesting is more of a family day out or holiday. Not reading material....

Yeah I think this is the crux of it, and the reason why it’s a problem

I would only do this if I was able to take both children away separately within a fairly close time frame. It can be exactly the same trip, just at a different pace for each of them.

You say yourself the younger boy will be gutted, and time feels like forever at that age. So I'd be looking to have two trips planned within a couple of months max otherwise it will be very cruel on the younger one.

Your comment about your younger son holding your activities back is pretty cruel to be honest. As a parent you make sacrifices for your child!

I would, but I would make sure either to do a similar weekend with DS2 with appropriate levels of activity for him to enjoy it. Or, he has a lovely weekend with his other parent (on the scene?) doing something he enjoys.

My children are the same age as yours and I take each of them away on a separate break each year doing something designed around them individually.

In your position I would take the younger child away first and do something cool so they don't feel excluded and also offer them the chance to do the same holiday as the nine-year-old, when they're nine too. Then follow your plan with the 9yo having laid good groundwork.

Take them both hill walking. But separately. Just tell them you want some one on one time and this way you get to tackle 2 hills and they get one each (or whatever). They don't need to know that one is easier than the other. Also, DS2 might surprise you.

I’d absolutely do this! I have 3 children and each one gets one night away of their choice each year. We’ve done theatre/ sports games/ activity days/ walking/ kayaking/ historical sites. It’s great, doesn’t have to cost the earth and they (and I!) get valuable one on one time. I do have dh at home to look after the other two though

I think what OP isn't saying is that she is concerned that by the time DS2 would be able to keep up DS1 would non longer be interested. Which is a fair concern, but I don't think excluding DS2 from a fun family activity he would want t be a part of is the answer.

I think this is fine, but I do think you should make the effort to do similar for DS6. To be honest, reading between the lines, it sounds like DS9 is your favourite and I think you need to make an effort to not show that to DS6 by treating him differently.

I would like to take DD to Paris for a girls weekend, but I will definitely make sure I do something special with DS too.

I have a 3 year age gap with mine and I would say do it. You cannot hold one child back because the other is not capable of doing something. Why is this not seen as a great opportunity for your 6 year old to have a fun weekend with Dad just one on one? What things could they do together?

But the experiences you describe don't deliberately exclude the younger one from doing something he also likes for a prolonged period of time (ie trip away as opposed to reading a book is a very different thing).

I wouldn't do that as I think it's pretty unkind. Especially if your 6 yo wants to go too.

I'd just wait til he's old enough and all go.

I would definitely do it. Arrange something else for the younger one. I had three children and did different things with different combinations. One on one time is so lovely for children and so is doing something with each parent. Make it a regular thing that you don’t always do things together as a family just make sure no one misses out and have fun😊

I'd only do it if the other way didn't actually want to do it. I think you're also doing a bit of a disservice to your 6 year old. You've decided he isn't built for that so you're putting limitations on him. No one suddenly has stamina, they build it up. So you're better off doing shorter walks that the 6 year old can manage. Your eldest is only 9 - he has many years of doing stuff with you all as a family. In one or two years time his brother will be able to do the same things.

Agree with this.

I regularly take one of my dc away without the other. It's absolutely fine. They are their own individual people, with different needs and interests, and it's lovely to have one on one time with them. So absolutely fine. Both of mine really enjoy it. It's important though that both get equal time, so if you take one away, I'd also take the other away (or have the other parent do it).

But you're not reading OP's messages correctly.

She's not saying she can't wait until the 9yo is 12/13.. she is saying she is worried he will have lost interest by then and not want to to join in.

And for context, dh took dc10 away last weekend camping, but not dc5 - because 2 kids camping on your own is a bit of a nightmare and they fight. It was also wild camping so had to walk in and carry all own gear for a few miles. Absolutely fine. He'll take younger one camping some day soon (when a bit warmer as his tolerance is lower for cold and they'll go somewhere with easier access as he can't walk as far).

I would. In Feb I went to a theme park with ds1. Dd2 would want to go on things but wouldn’t meet the height and DS1 still needed an adult to accompany him on most rides. I don’t feel bad - I do loads of 1-1 things with DD, and we do lots as a family as well. It’s good to have 1-1 time. They are individuals and should be treated as such

I say it depends on whether ds2 would actually want to climb Snowdon or one of the other mountains in the area. I think you’d be surprised how many 6 year olds climb Snowdon. My youngest went up at 6, he wasn’t overly fit at that age, just an average 6 year old.