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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take only one DC for a weekend away?

206 replies

NarwhalsTusk · 03/05/2023 11:05

I have two DS, aged 6 and 9.

DS9 is fit and has great stamina. DS6 doesn’t - no disabilities etc, but even accounting for him being there years younger he’s just not built the same way.

I love the outdoors and hill walking and both DC are pretty keen but as a family we’re normally limited to what DS6 can manage.

DS9 is easily fit enough now to take on some peaks in Snowdonia. I’d love to take him away for a weekend to tackle a proper mountain. He’d love it. And it’d be nice to have some 1-1 time with him.

But DS6 would be gutted. He thinks (despite all evidence to contrary) he’s as capable as DS9. He’s also very attached to me so would be particularly jealous of me going away with just DS9.

WIBU to take DS9 away on his own?

OP posts:
TiredInWorthing · 03/05/2023 11:08

I wouldn't do this, no.

Unless you could take each of them away separately? Does DS6 have interests that would be catered for in a similar holiday in terms of length of time away etc?

Otherwise your younger DS is likely to perceive this as blatant favouritism.

GoodChat · 03/05/2023 11:11

Do you have a partner or a parent who can come away with you, then you just spend a day or two doing walking while the other adult takes the younger DS to do an age appropriate activity?

QuickNameChangeForMeToday · 03/05/2023 11:11

I would only do this if I could take the other child away for a solo weekend too.

CampervanKween · 03/05/2023 11:12

I take my kids away in different combinations depending on their interests. But you really do have to make sure that nobody is left out.

Sprig1 · 03/05/2023 11:13

Only if you do another (equal in their eyes) weekend away with the little one.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/05/2023 11:14

I'd do this given my own situation - similar attributes of children, but with the difference being that my younger one acknowledges this and wouldn't want to climb Snowdon.

But, given your particular situation would make your younger child feel really shit about themselves; a hard no.

Violetcrush · 03/05/2023 11:14

Yes do it but take your other DC away on another weekend, lovely to have special time together

milkysmum · 03/05/2023 11:16

When mine were younger and one was more able than the other they both came away with me and then H, but H took the elder up Snowden and me and the younger stayed and did something nice at the bottom whilst they were out. Is that an option?

Original poster
NarwhalsTusk · 03/05/2023 11:16

No reason I can’t do something separately with DS6, but it’s a little harder to thing of something that would uniquely suit him (they’re close and basically both into the same stuff).

On the one hand I would feel guilty about DS6 however I also feel bad DS9 is being held back from experiences he’d enjoy by his brother. He’s also three years older so I feel that “earns him access” to experiences he didn’t get when he was six.

OP posts:
Abouttimemum · 03/05/2023 11:17

Can he not come (with another adult) and get the train up and then walk down?

Original poster
NarwhalsTusk · 03/05/2023 11:20

milkysmum · 03/05/2023 11:16

When mine were younger and one was more able than the other they both came away with me and then H, but H took the elder up Snowden and me and the younger stayed and did something nice at the bottom whilst they were out. Is that an option?

I kind of feel that’s like taking them both to a theme park but only one gets to go the rides - almost feels worse than not taking him at all.

Plus it’s a lot cheaper for two of us to go than four.

OP posts:
NoFault2023 · 03/05/2023 11:21

I think it’s fine. Presumably your youngest will be with his other parent and can spend the weekend having some 1-2-1 time with them doing what they do enjoy.

FlounderingFruitcake · 03/05/2023 11:22

No I wouldn’t dream of doing this if it would upset the younger child. Presumably there’s another adult involved if you have someone to leave DS6 with? I’d go on holiday all of you and ask them to him somewhere fun/age appropriate on the day you do the climb with DS9. Or just wait a couple of years so you can all go together; Snowdonia isn’t going anywhere.

NoFault2023 · 03/05/2023 11:22

My DH says he’s going to take our eldest camping - suits me. I like spending time with just one or the other.

SeaToSki · 03/05/2023 11:23

Sit down with both of them and say you want to spend a weekend one on one with each of them. Brainstorm with them both what they would like to do on their weekend. Explain that just because the other would also like to participate, it doesnt mean its off the list. Then plan 2 weekends, one with each, and have fun

A great experience for both and they also get to learn that everyone cant do everything all the time (even if they want to) because they are individuals as well as part of a family

LightDrizzle · 03/05/2023 11:24

I’d only do this if I was simultaneously planning a weekend focussed on DS2. It could be the same activity even, you just itch it as wanting to spend some one on one time with them both.

AprilDrizzle · 03/05/2023 11:24

Definitely do it
One on one time is so valuable
You can plan a weekend away with younger DS when he hits the same age?

SummaLuvin · 03/05/2023 11:24

I wouldn't. It's an age where you understand things aren't fair, but also don't understand nuance of situations. He will almost certaibntly feel hard done by.

Unless he has a committed activity that will he is super excited about, such as a school away day trip, and you take take the older one while he is busy there?

Dinoswearunderpants · 03/05/2023 11:27

So long as you arrange some one on one time with DC6 as well, then I don't see the issue.

SummaLuvin · 03/05/2023 11:28

You can plan a weekend away with younger DS when he hits the same age?

sorry, maybe I was a right brat, but as much as I can see it would be fair and equal as an adult, 6 year old Summa would definitely not be happy waiting 3 years for things to even out, it's a lifetime at that age. I would feel my sibling was given a real treat that I was left out of. It is made worse by the fact that the other child shares this interest, it might be different if it was something they weren't fussed on at all.

MuggleMe · 03/05/2023 11:30

I'd take the 6yo for a weekend and do something hed really enjoy, being clear with 9 that this is to allow him to do Snowdonia without 6.

Original poster
NarwhalsTusk · 03/05/2023 11:31

To be honest my view is probably coloured by the fact I would love more opportunities to get out in the hills and am excited about having an enthusiastic partner in DS9 to join me.

I enjoy taking DS6 out too but having to go at his pace is very limiting. My only challenge with DS9 would be keeping up with him!

OP posts:
TheBlindOwl · 03/05/2023 11:31

You seem like you've made your mind up anyway?

I wouldn't go this in the circumstances you describe

GoodChat · 03/05/2023 11:33

I kind of feel that’s like taking them both to a theme park but only one gets to go the rides - almost feels worse than not taking him at all.

Not at all. You take older one walking and the younger one gets to go to bounce below or something

IglesiasPiggl · 03/05/2023 11:35

It isn't "holding the older one back" if he doesn't get to climb Snowdon until he is 12 or 13. That's the nature of having more than one child. When you do family experiences, one will be older and the other younger. I waited for my youngest to be old enough before we did all those brilliant zip lines etc in Wales for exactly this reason - so we could do it as a family. Older DC was 13, but it really doesn't matter. Have patience!