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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take only one DC for a weekend away?

206 replies

NarwhalsTusk · 03/05/2023 11:05

I have two DS, aged 6 and 9.

DS9 is fit and has great stamina. DS6 doesn’t - no disabilities etc, but even accounting for him being there years younger he’s just not built the same way.

I love the outdoors and hill walking and both DC are pretty keen but as a family we’re normally limited to what DS6 can manage.

DS9 is easily fit enough now to take on some peaks in Snowdonia. I’d love to take him away for a weekend to tackle a proper mountain. He’d love it. And it’d be nice to have some 1-1 time with him.

But DS6 would be gutted. He thinks (despite all evidence to contrary) he’s as capable as DS9. He’s also very attached to me so would be particularly jealous of me going away with just DS9.

WIBU to take DS9 away on his own?

OP posts:
BallandBoe · 03/05/2023 11:59

OP, just do it!

Having been there yesterday though, I would say avoid Snowdon; it's horrifically busy right now!

I did Carnedd Llewellyn and only met about 10 people during the whole walk.

mum11970 · 03/05/2023 12:00

BallandBoe · 03/05/2023 11:59

OP, just do it!

Having been there yesterday though, I would say avoid Snowdon; it's horrifically busy right now!

I did Carnedd Llewellyn and only met about 10 people during the whole walk.

It was bound to be busy on a dry bank holiday, always is and always will be

Mrsjayy · 03/05/2023 12:02

DH used to take Dd1 hill walking dd2 wasn't interested really he just found something else for them to do bond over. It's fine take your youngest to something/where else .

WimpoleHat · 03/05/2023 12:03

I’ve done something similar- taken one child away for a trip - but the difference is that DD2 actively didn’t want to go. We asked her if she’d like to come and offered to alter the itinerary to suit her a bit better. But she wasn’t really keen and much preferred to stay with DH (who took her to do some of the things that she really enjoys). So neither she nor I felt that she’d been hard done by. The problem for you is that DS2 wants to come too! Is there something that DH could do with him while you go that he’d like just as much or even prefer?

somuchtolearnabout · 03/05/2023 12:04

In theory no, I don't think it's a problem. But what is a problem is your attitude.

"No reason I can’t do something separately with DS6, but it’s a little harder to thing of something that would uniquely suit him (they’re close and basically both into the same stuff)"

What you basically mean by this, is that there's nothing that you'd want to do, that your youngest would also want to do. The overriding message in your posts is that you want to go to snowdonia and you want DS9 there to keep you company. That's obvious from the way you say it's cheaper to pay for 2 than 4 (aka, happy to pay for yourself but not others) and the way you're essentially whining about the fact that you, the mother, are held back from going the pace you want because you have a young child who has to keep up.

So no - I don't think you're wrong for wanting to do it. But I just don't particularly like your attitude.

Mrsjayy · 03/05/2023 12:05

I think getting another thing sorted for the youngest before you go would benefit big it up .

BallandBoe · 03/05/2023 12:05

mum11970 · 03/05/2023 12:00

It was bound to be busy on a dry bank holiday, always is and always will be

Show quote history

Well that's true, of course, but Snowdon is very often busy even on 'normal' days.

Lcb123 · 03/05/2023 12:06

I think it’s fine, I wouldn’t make a big thing of it. Just take the other one for a weekend away of their own

mewkins · 03/05/2023 12:06

BallandBoe · 03/05/2023 11:57

But you're not reading OP's messages correctly.

She's not saying she can't wait until the 9yo is 12/13.. she is saying she is worried he will have lost interest by then and not want to to join in.

Show quote history

I think she's thinking about this from her perspective. She would like a companion to do Snowdon with and it's a bit expensive if the whole family go. I don't think she's thinking about how that might alter the dynamics and views of favouritism etc between her children and I'd be wary of this. I have an almost teenager and she's still pretty much up for anything activity wise.

BallandBoe · 03/05/2023 12:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 03/05/2023 12:09

I did that with my dc when they were young. However, it was pitched to them as a 1-on-1 weekend with me and based on their interests.

You could tell them both that you plan on doing this with each of them and they can choose the type of activity. You can obviously make suggestions as they won't be aware of what's possible or give them a list of 3 or 4 things to choose from. You can do the weekends in age order so the younger can be looking forward to their weekend at the same time as the older.

SummerInSun · 03/05/2023 12:10

My DS are almost exactly the same ages as yours and while we do lots of things together as a family, we also split up occasionally to do age appropriate things. 6 year old DS still likes soft play and Disney movies. nearly 10 year old DS1 can do things like go karting or computer gaming that DS2 is too young for. Totally unfair on the oldest child to always be held down to the younger one all the time, in my view. In your situation, I'd absolutely have your weekend with DS1, and either do something different with DS2 later, or get your DH to do something specials with him that weekend. And promise DS2 you'll do the same trip with him when he's the same age. By then your DS1 will be a teenager and won't want to come anymore anyway.

If DS2 is quite clingy to you it would probably be very good for his relationship with his dad for them to have some 1:1 time alone

TidyDancer · 03/05/2023 12:11

I think this is only okay if you tell both DCs they get their own special trip and they can decide what they want to do. So you can't present it as 'DS1, you and I are going up a mountain. DS2, you and I can do something else'. You're taking away choices from both of them in different ways. I think you would need to be clear that this is a nice thing for them to do separately and it's within their control (as much as possible for children!).

OchonAgusOchonOh · 03/05/2023 12:12

@BallandBoe - Calm down, Karen.

Why the need for the misogynistic put-down? Disagree with the poster by all means but no need for the ageist misogyny.

BallandBoe · 03/05/2023 12:12

OchonAgusOchonOh · 03/05/2023 12:12

@BallandBoe - Calm down, Karen.

Why the need for the misogynistic put-down? Disagree with the poster by all means but no need for the ageist misogyny.

Calm down, Bob. That better?

AuntieSoap · 03/05/2023 12:13

Do it! One to one time with your DC based on yours and their shared interests is precious. But as others have said, do it for both. Ask your DS6 what he'd like to do and work something out between you.

Citygirlrurallife · 03/05/2023 12:13

I take my two away each on their own once a year, it's really lovely to do if you can

BallandBoe · 03/05/2023 12:13

OchonAgusOchonOh · 03/05/2023 12:12

@BallandBoe - Calm down, Karen.

Why the need for the misogynistic put-down? Disagree with the poster by all means but no need for the ageist misogyny.

Not quite sure how 'Karen' is misogynistic?

It's basically a word to describe someone who needs to get over themselves. If I'm wrong, I apologise.

But my reasoning still stands.

Workawayxx · 03/05/2023 12:14

I think YANBU but sell it to both boys as you're going to do a weekend away just one on one time with each of them then plan both. Let DS2 choose what he'd like to do - maybe he'd like to do some hill walking somewhere else that you could do at his pace? Or other outdoors activities you could do together like canoeing? Sell it as a positive thing and not that DS1 is better at walking so is allowed a better experience - so you don't erode DS2's confidence.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 03/05/2023 12:14

BallandBoe · 03/05/2023 12:12

Calm down, Bob. That better?

Show quote history

Similarly inarticulate🤷‍♀️

BallandBoe · 03/05/2023 12:15

OchonAgusOchonOh · 03/05/2023 12:14

Similarly inarticulate🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

Well maybe my follow-up post will be more explanatory.

MumsyMalone · 03/05/2023 12:15

somuchtolearnabout · 03/05/2023 12:04

In theory no, I don't think it's a problem. But what is a problem is your attitude.

"No reason I can’t do something separately with DS6, but it’s a little harder to thing of something that would uniquely suit him (they’re close and basically both into the same stuff)"

What you basically mean by this, is that there's nothing that you'd want to do, that your youngest would also want to do. The overriding message in your posts is that you want to go to snowdonia and you want DS9 there to keep you company. That's obvious from the way you say it's cheaper to pay for 2 than 4 (aka, happy to pay for yourself but not others) and the way you're essentially whining about the fact that you, the mother, are held back from going the pace you want because you have a young child who has to keep up.

So no - I don't think you're wrong for wanting to do it. But I just don't particularly like your attitude.

Yep, this right here. Nothing wrong with doing things with the kids separately, but OP just doesn't want to do anything with her youngest...

HappyAsASandboy · 03/05/2023 12:16

I would happily take one child away for the weekend, but you have to then take the other child away too.

I plan days out with my children. One child it is super easy for me to think of ideas - in fact we can just get up one day and decide and go! Another child we can think of things with a bit of effort and planning. Another child it is impossible to think of things to do because I have no idea what interests them and they can't come up with suggestions either. The few things we've done have been very boring for either the child or for me because we don't like the same things (I hope I hide my boredom better than my child does!).

The key thing is that they all see me planning and doing days out with all of them separately. They moan when it's someone else's turn for a day out, but ultimately I can hand on heart say that it is fair.

When your younger son gets angry and resentful with you and shouts "you don't love me - you left me behind and took DS1 to Snowdon!" you will absolutely need to be able to say "and we had a lovely weekend in the Peak District". They don't need the same things, but they do both need the same time with you.

whumpthereitis · 03/05/2023 12:19

I don’t see the problem. My parents took my brother and I away separately at times. Were there times when we each got butthurt over not going? Yes. Once for each of us I remember, but that didn’t mean the plans changed. It meant that we learned not everything was about us, and that our own time would come. I appreciated the one on one time with my parent/s, doing something that I enjoyed that my brother didn’t. Same for my brother. We were considered as individuals, not just siblings.

almostwarm · 03/05/2023 12:19

We deliberately spent one on one time with our twins and do even now.
Going away for a weekend with just them.
We swapped round who took each dc.

So I would definitely do it provided you either had someone else to take the other dc on a trip for then or made clear arrangements to spend a weekend with the younger dc. If they also choose to go walking then do it with them as well.