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Original poster

To get the ick with a man I have loved since I was 16. I’m 49

219 replies

Kearsie · 29/04/2023 20:15

I went out with a guy when I was 16 and he was 23. Loved him, like actually adored him.
I got divorced 3 years ago and looked him up on Facebook. He was also divorced so we got chatting. Everything was great and we got on like a house on fire. Been out for a few drinks, slept together, it’s amazing.
Tonight we went to Tesco. I was at the checkout and he wanted to go back for milk. I stood there and waited, and then heard this god awful squeaking noise. Literally the whole shop
turned round to him doing a toe jabby run, squeaking his trainers down the aisle. I was beside myself with embarrassment.
The attraction has literally disappeared after 30 years. I’m so sad :(

OP posts:
FrostyFifi · 30/04/2023 07:50

People saying it's no big deal, shallow, get over it etc.
The Ick isn't shallowness or being picky. It is unbidden, visceral and most importantly fatal to relationships.

JenWillsiam · 30/04/2023 07:52

you obviously weren’t that keen.

AngelineGarcia · 30/04/2023 07:57

I adored a guy on my course at Uni. He had long hair and looked like a young Antonio Banderas. I was in a relationship at the time so just adored this guy from a distance. Years later we coincidentally ended up being flat mates in London for a while. We went on a foreign holiday together and it ended up quite romantic to say the least. I was over the moon at this turn of events. One day however, back in London, he told me he needed to take his Tesco Clubcard to the supermarket to be signed. I asked what he meant and he replied “It needs an authorised signature on the back..”
😱
And that was the ick moment for me. I moved out not long after.

OP as soon as I read your post I could hear the exact noise you mean as it reminded me of sneakers on the rubber floor at school. I can’t imagine why a grown man would purposefully make that noise.

ChocWeb · 30/04/2023 08:00

I’ve been watching footballers wives the tv programme again recently and on there Donna’s sister Marie, who is 16, fancies and has sex with footballer, Jason, which her family aren’t happy about because of his reputation (and he’s married) but they are all encouraging her to instead go out with another footballer, Sal, who is easily mid 20’s, even the club manager is encouraging it, the age gap is never even mentioned.

This was first shown 20 years ago so was obviously considered quite normal, yes I know it’s television but there would’ve been complaints etc and I can’t remember thinking it odd when I watched it first time round, so I can quite believe that nothing was thought ‘abnormal’ about the OP at 16 being with someone who was 23. However, when watching it back now I did say to my DH that that would never be like that now, you just wouldn’t encourage a 16 yr old to date a man that much older.

notaswearwolf · 30/04/2023 08:05

I read this as a Tabby Joe run
and thought it was a weird run I’d never heard of 😂

Also the ick is the ick and tbh it would probably give me it too. V funny though

Ballinluig · 30/04/2023 08:10

🤣🤣 literally nothing poor bloke! Had done absolutely nothing wrong!! Totally irrational, cannot explain it, but I icked hard 🤢

also - do I love coke and drink it daily from bottles?? Yup! Hypocritical cow I am 😂

Dibbydoos · 30/04/2023 08:12

So you're embarrassed by his squeaky trainers? So what others think is important to you?
He's better off without you.

So glad you got the ick this early on. Let him find someone with a sense of humour who cares less about what others think and more about him.

OnenightinBangkok · 30/04/2023 08:15

Hi OP,

I'm in a similar sort of situation to you.
I went out with my first boyfriend when I was 19 and he 24.

Now any suggestion that there was any dodgy about this would be utter rubbish But...
There was enough of an age gap for me to think he knew better and I looked up to him.
Now many years later with me in my late 40s and he is early 50s, we are dating again after many years apart.

I now see him as more of an equal because that 5 year gap means nothing now.

As a result, I notice the flaws my younger self didn't as the rose-tinted glasses are off.

Is this what's happening with you perhaps?

ThisIsTrifficult · 30/04/2023 08:18

I met a guy when I was about 16/17. He was about 19 I think and he looked like Brad Pitt. He was beautiful.
We met on faceparty I think, remember that?!
We were chatting over the phone and I said I had conjunctivitis. He went eugh! What's that?!
And ick. Done.

OnenightinBangkok · 30/04/2023 08:24

It's nothing to do with the jabby toe run, OP. You're a grown-up now and realise he's a normal human being with flaws.

Just like I now realise the sexy 24 year old I dated at 19 wasn't perfect after all, when we met many years later, just human.

Dump him and find someone you like in the NOW.

Appleass · 30/04/2023 08:24

Hilarious, he clearly has a good sense of humour.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 30/04/2023 08:34

I’m a similar age to you and your boyfriend. It’s probably not going to work out because he’s your rebound guy and these relationships never really last long. Also, people you were with when you were younger, almost never age well, but there can be nostalgia there which confused us.

I was engaged at 20 and with the man for 3 years total. We broke up and reconnected about 5 years ago. Social media and phones have turned him into most other men re dating and sharing photos and he’s got a fetish for female shoes. Also cheated on his exes I found out. The shoe fetish (he posted a photo of a black large stiletto) gave me the ick! He was 4 years older.

Just end it with this man.

Cooknook · 30/04/2023 08:37

I know everyone's sense of humour is different, but 'hilarious'- really?

You've just realised he is a regular human being and not the ideal you've created in your mind over the years.

Flowerly · 30/04/2023 08:37

Newname2323 · 29/04/2023 20:35

Well the first ick for me would be that he fancied you as a 23 year old whilst you was 16. You have now been 23 before, could you imagine fancying a 16 year old, legal or not?

This. He showed his colours as a creep very early on OP.

Relentlessbollox · 30/04/2023 08:46

Toe jabby run 😂😂😂

slowquickstep · 30/04/2023 09:12

Oh hell, all i can picture is Mr Bean 😂

Portandlemonade · 30/04/2023 09:20

You are unreasonable to use the phrase 'get the ick'.
A silly US import!

If this is real, you sound like you are 16 not 49.
Dumping someone because their trainers squeak?

Mine do sometimes- it's the leather being worn in and they were very expensive.

MoonCharged · 30/04/2023 09:21

See... This makes me want to run in a toe jabby motion anywhere I go now just for shitz and giggles. Lol. Ahhh op I think once you have the ick it is hard to get past it. Perhaps focus on one of his better attributes and the toe jabby run will fade into the background?

CatServant2020 · 30/04/2023 09:21

For all those wanting to know about t-rexing it made me want to read the thread again.

Mumsnet did indeed delete it but then re-instated it and put it in classics once they realised the grave sin they had committed.

Link below, enjoy 😂😂😂

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/1498923-Shouting-at-me-in-the-supermarket

Shouting at me in the supermarket | Mumsnet

Sorry am on phone so apologies if this makes no sense but he was doing t-Rex in Asda so i slapped his arm (not hard obviously) and he got really cross...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/1498923-Shouting-at-me-in-the-supermarket

HelpMeGetThrough · 30/04/2023 09:23

I know what I'm going to be doing in ASDA in a bit.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 30/04/2023 09:23

🫣

Goldbar31 · 30/04/2023 09:27

Very good 😂😂😂😂😂

Butchyrestingface · 30/04/2023 09:28

As per PP, I'd have gotten the ice far harder at the idea of a 23 year old man sniffing around a 16 year old girl.

Butchyrestingface · 30/04/2023 09:29

This was first shown 20 years ago so was obviously considered quite normal, yes I know it’s television but there would’ve been complaints etc and I can’t remember thinking it odd when I watched it first time round, so I can quite believe that nothing was thought ‘abnormal’ about the OP at 16 being with someone who was 23. However, when watching it back now I did say to my DH that that would never be like that now, you just wouldn’t encourage a 16 yr old to date a man that much older.

It was absolutely not okay 20 (!) years ago. Footballers Wives is not a good barometer for national standards two decades ago.

MyStarBoy · 30/04/2023 09:48

This reminded me of the time I met someone I had really liked for decades.

When I glanced under the table he was wearing really sharp winkle-pickers 😳

I had an Immediate shock and ick reaction and my brain just couldn't reconcile it with the type of guy he was/had been.