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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About being on the couch together?

222 replies

ThatsNotMyFootrest · 27/04/2023 12:51

DP is making grumblings about us not ‘having any cuddles or quality time together’ if I sit a certain way on the couch.

He likes to be full on snuggled up at all times. His preferred way is him sitting normally (as in feet on the floor, facing forward) and me sitting with my back against him and legs up on the couch. See picture for reference.

I prefer to sit at the other end of the couch (it’s a 2 seater so we aren’t miles apart) and he will lift my feet into his lap or I will sort of tuck them under. He will also stretch out his hand to be held along the back of the sofa IYSWIM so we are always touching still

I actually find his way fine if we are listening to music or chatting but it hurts my neck having to sort of look to the side to watch the TV.

He now seems offended and complains we don’t cuddle anymore as I have been sitting my way more often.

for context we don’t live together and only see each other 2 times a week.

YABU my way is definitely not quality time together
YANBU being comfortable is important and it’s still quality time.

About being on the couch together?
OP posts:
Original poster
ThatsNotMyFootrest · 27/04/2023 12:52

Also to clarify - I’d never wear my bloody shoes on the couch like this weirdo women in the picture 😂

OP posts:
mynameiscalypso · 27/04/2023 12:52

I'm not sure my DH would still be my DH if he tried to dictate how I sat on the sofa.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 27/04/2023 12:53

Both ways sound like hell to me, and your partner sounds clingy and annoying.

FrenchandSaunders · 27/04/2023 12:54

Christ he sounds like a cockapoo!

roxyballroom · 27/04/2023 12:55

He would turn me right off!

7Worfs · 27/04/2023 12:55

Your way is more comfortable.
His way is staged TV cuddling, not comfortable for the woman at all.

Everydayimhuffling · 27/04/2023 12:55

If he wants someone to sit sideways then he should do it!

Original poster
ThatsNotMyFootrest · 27/04/2023 12:56

FrenchandSaunders · 27/04/2023 12:54

Christ he sounds like a cockapoo!

That’s a bit unfair.

I’ve met some very aloof cockapoos. They aren’t all clingy!

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 27/04/2023 12:57

Sit how you want and tell him to stop fucking whining.

UnsolicitedOpinions · 27/04/2023 12:58

God I wouldn’t want to sit either way on a regular basis - I hate being constantly touched or leant on!

Without wanting to sound too serious, you should be able to have autonomy over your own body and how it is positioned (as long as it is not unwantedly impinging on someone else’s). If you acquiesce to his demands on this are you going to let him tell you how you are allowed to sit/stand/walk/sleep etc for the rest of your life?

Basically he doesn’t care what you want or what makes you comfortable, as long as he is happy.

Talipesmum · 27/04/2023 12:58

He can sit at the other end of the couch if he’s that bothered. But on a two seater I like to stretch my legs out and that might not give enough room. He’s being daft.

fluffiphlox · 27/04/2023 12:58

Could you buy him a teddy?

autienotnaught · 27/04/2023 12:59

I'd just explain it not comfortable if he pushes it ask him why he wants you to be uncomfortable . Sit how you want!

Original poster
ThatsNotMyFootrest · 27/04/2023 12:59

Everydayimhuffling · 27/04/2023 12:55

If he wants someone to sit sideways then he should do it!

So, I have suggested this but he is big and tall and my couch is not accommodating of that. He would like to put his head in my lap as then it would be me actually giving him the cuddle for a change apparently.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatsNotMyFootrest · 27/04/2023 13:01

UnsolicitedOpinions · 27/04/2023 12:58

God I wouldn’t want to sit either way on a regular basis - I hate being constantly touched or leant on!

Without wanting to sound too serious, you should be able to have autonomy over your own body and how it is positioned (as long as it is not unwantedly impinging on someone else’s). If you acquiesce to his demands on this are you going to let him tell you how you are allowed to sit/stand/walk/sleep etc for the rest of your life?

Basically he doesn’t care what you want or what makes you comfortable, as long as he is happy.

This is how I feel at the moment. I need autonomy and it is feeling a bit like my needs are going to get pushed aside because his love language is touch.

there must be a middle ground though?

OP posts:
CaptainCorriganIsFlying · 27/04/2023 13:34

At worst, he’s controlling.

At best, he’s clingy.

Ick, either way.

PlantsAndSpaniels · 27/04/2023 13:35

I do see his point if you only spend 2 days together and he wants the closeness, but I see your point of wanting to sit comfortably. Is there any way of rearranging the furniture to make it more comfortable? Like moving the tv so it's to the side so you face it when lying on the sofa? Could you watch tv in bed instead for a few hours and cuddle?

Groggygymdodger · 27/04/2023 13:36

Oh major ick. Dunno how you’re not out.

DeltaAlphaDelta79 · 27/04/2023 13:38

Sod that. We have separate sofas!

Kaaplumff · 27/04/2023 13:38

I know a few people on here have said your husband is controlling or clingy - is that how you feel he is OP? He could definitely be those things, and if you feel he's controlling then I think the sofa issue is just a smaller part of a bigger problem. On the other hand also might just be trying to tell you how he feels and not be expressing himself that well. Maybe from his perspective (which could be right or wrong I don't know) he feels there's not enough affection or something?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 27/04/2023 13:39

That is quite clingy on his behalf.

More important is how selfish this is. He effectively doesn't care that you would be uncomfortable/in pain, so long as he has 'his blankie'. Sad

momtoboys · 27/04/2023 13:40

FrenchandSaunders · 27/04/2023 12:54

Christ he sounds like a cockapoo!

😂😂😂

FunnysInLaJardin · 27/04/2023 13:40

Neither of the above. I have the sofa all to myself and put my legs up on it, and DH has his lovely chair and footstool.

Cant be doing with sharing the sofa!

Cakencookieobsessed · 27/04/2023 13:43

Sit how you like. My husband moans too though as he wants to lie cuddled up like that and I want my feet tickling, so lie the opposite end.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 27/04/2023 13:43

Ugh, I'd be binning him what a wet wipe!