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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sell my car to avoid 3 way car sharing?

209 replies

3WayCarShareNoThanks · 22/04/2023 16:14

I own a car, but it used to be my dads car, he sold it to me when he retired on the agreement that he could use it when needed.

It’s worked out fine between us as he only needs it once a week or for appointments, so then I either WFH or he drives me to work and picks me up or we come to another agreement. There’s never been a time when we haven’t managed to find some solution when we’ve both needed the car. We basically live together so it’s been fine (we live on the same road, but he has a garden and I don’t so I often pop round with my DC to use his garden and he pops to mine to use things he doesn’t have like a dishwasher)

That was until December. My brother split with his wife and moved back to our town from a few hours away.

He had to sell his car as he couldn’t afford it on his own. He also had to quit his job as it was a few hours away and he can’t get there without a car.

Now he’s constantly borrowing my car and my dad just says he can. Every job interview or everytime he wants to do anything; meet friends or do a hobby or anything he borrows my car, no consultation with me he just takes it, no thought as to how I’ll get to work or get my DC (I’m a single parent) to their activities or to their dads or to school, I just get told I should “Have more sympathy as I’ve not had to give everything up” or should “Organise to wfh then”.

And my brother never repays the fuel costs either, he literally uses ½ of a tank of fuel and doesn’t even offer to repay me or take it to petrol station and refill it, he just uses it.

I’ve told my dad it needs to stop and he just said it’s his car to so he’ll let my brother use it if he wants to.

I’ve offered to sell it back to them as I can now borrow the money from work to buy myself a slightly newer car anyway but both say they can’t afford it.

I’m tempted to just sell it and buy myself a newer car and not put either of them on the insurance (could even change insurance company to make it easier) but WIBU to do this?

I’m not so bothered about having to WFH, but I’d rather have notice so I can organise to speak to clients by phone or video call rather than having to cancel face to face meetings, and so I can organise for my DC to get to their dads house or hobbies etc by other means - ExH will pick up from me but then I have to collect so it does need to be arranged as we share transport between us, school friends will pick them up on the way passed but I try to then repay the favour, similarly hobbies.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
Lennox78 · 22/04/2023 16:21

Why does your dad believe that the car remains his if you bought it? Surely now it’s only used by others with your express permission which you get to withdraw at any point.

AuntieDolly · 22/04/2023 16:22

No, you're not BU - they are taking the piss!

Merangutan · 22/04/2023 16:22

Put a wheel or steering lock on it so it can’t be taken without your consent.

Original poster
3WayCarShareNoThanks · 22/04/2023 16:23

Lennox78 · 22/04/2023 16:21

Why does your dad believe that the car remains his if you bought it? Surely now it’s only used by others with your express permission which you get to withdraw at any point.

@Lennox78 Because the agreement when he sold it to me was that he could use it whenever he wanted and he extends that to lending it out whenever he wants. As I said it worked fine until my brother came home, but now isn't working.

OP posts:
Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 22/04/2023 16:23

I'd be saying if they can't pay for the car, you're selling it unless they accept and understand that the car is yours. Frankly your brothers situation isn't your problem and he's taking the piss. As the above poster said, get a lock on it. Only let them use it if it suits you.

Chamomileteaplease · 22/04/2023 16:24

Crikey how high is your blood pressure after dealing with those two nightmares?? I feel stressed just reading about it.

If your dad really can't see sense then yes get the hell out of the arrangement and have nothing to do with either of them again when it comes to cars.

ASAP!

hettie · 22/04/2023 16:24

Merangutan · 22/04/2023 16:22

Put a wheel or steering lock on it so it can’t be taken without your consent.

This ⬆️ 100%

Lapland123 · 22/04/2023 16:24

Run smile from this arrangement. Both are completely taking advantage of you.

DelurkingLawyer · 22/04/2023 16:24

Send the following text to your dad and your brother jointly:

”It is my car. I bought it off Dad on the understanding he could use it when he wanted. I never agreed to DB using it. DB is taking the piss by borrowing it constantly and never filling it up with petrol. As a result I am now removing you both from the insurance/putting on a steering wheel lock/selling it, which I am entitled to do as my name is on the V5.”

Lapland123 · 22/04/2023 16:25

A mile!

Spiderboy · 22/04/2023 16:25

Steering wheel lock.

Mortimercat · 22/04/2023 16:26

Just say no. 🤷‍♀️. Why did you even put your brother on the insurance?

sittingonacornflake · 22/04/2023 16:26

Missing point of thread but your dad brings his dirty dishes round to your house to clean?

ParkrunPlodder · 22/04/2023 16:26

Chamomileteaplease · 22/04/2023 16:24

Crikey how high is your blood pressure after dealing with those two nightmares?? I feel stressed just reading about it.

If your dad really can't see sense then yes get the hell out of the arrangement and have nothing to do with either of them again when it comes to cars.

ASAP!

this 👆

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 22/04/2023 16:27

Your dad is taking the piss - it's not his car.

I would buy a steering wheel lock or sell it and buy yourself your own car.

DelurkingLawyer · 22/04/2023 16:27

Oh and if your dad says he sold it cheap so he could use it, and wants to have some of the sale money, say it has all been out towards your CF brother’s petrol usage.

choochooandspook · 22/04/2023 16:28

did you get it cheap then on the understanding that he could use it? even so your brother wasn't in the agreement, I would offer to sell it back to your dad or your brother. cheeky sods

billyt · 22/04/2023 16:28

Your dad needs to fuck off with his selling a car to you but still acting like he owns it.

Not daft is he? Sells his car to you so you have all the expense but he can pick and choose when he uses it?

Also, is your sponging bastard of a brother insured to drive your car? If you let him drive it uninsured an the gets stopped you will be stung for allowing it.

Sell the car back to your twat of a dad and buy and run your own.

the pair of them can then fuck off

Ilikewinter · 22/04/2023 16:28

This sounds like a nightmare and both of them are walking all over you. Not really relevant but did your Dad sell you the car cheaply?. Id sell and buy your own car but be ready for the big fallout that will probably follow.

mainsfed · 22/04/2023 16:30

Honestly, sell the car and be rid of this albatross.

Who is paying sponging brother’s car insurance?

Dotcheck · 22/04/2023 16:31

100% get out of it. There will be no peace in the family if this carries on.
However- does your dad feel he still has a share in the car?

moonspiral · 22/04/2023 16:31

Sell it back to your dad

FrigginFrig · 22/04/2023 16:32

Yanbu, sell the car. Your DF can support your DB from now on since he's so sympathetic towards him.

Scarydinosaurs · 22/04/2023 16:33

Sell it. It’s entirely impossible to carry on as you are. Your brother is ridiculous and I’m not surprised his marriage ended is this is how he treats people.

DRS1970 · 22/04/2023 16:34

Your brother is an arse, and your dad is too soft.