To sell my car to avoid 3 way car sharing?

[3WayCarShareNoThanks]

I own a car, but it used to be my dads car, he sold it to me when he retired on the agreement that he could use it when needed.

It’s worked out fine between us as he only needs it once a week or for appointments, so then I either WFH or he drives me to work and picks me up or we come to another agreement. There’s never been a time when we haven’t managed to find some solution when we’ve both needed the car. We basically live together so it’s been fine (we live on the same road, but he has a garden and I don’t so I often pop round with my DC to use his garden and he pops to mine to use things he doesn’t have like a dishwasher)

That was until December. My brother split with his wife and moved back to our town from a few hours away.

He had to sell his car as he couldn’t afford it on his own. He also had to quit his job as it was a few hours away and he can’t get there without a car.

Now he’s constantly borrowing my car and my dad just says he can. Every job interview or everytime he wants to do anything; meet friends or do a hobby or anything he borrows my car, no consultation with me he just takes it, no thought as to how I’ll get to work or get my DC (I’m a single parent) to their activities or to their dads or to school, I just get told I should “Have more sympathy as I’ve not had to give everything up” or should “Organise to wfh then”.

And my brother never repays the fuel costs either, he literally uses ½ of a tank of fuel and doesn’t even offer to repay me or take it to petrol station and refill it, he just uses it.

I’ve told my dad it needs to stop and he just said it’s his car to so he’ll let my brother use it if he wants to.

I’ve offered to sell it back to them as I can now borrow the money from work to buy myself a slightly newer car anyway but both say they can’t afford it.

I’m tempted to just sell it and buy myself a newer car and not put either of them on the insurance (could even change insurance company to make it easier) but WIBU to do this?

I’m not so bothered about having to WFH, but I’d rather have notice so I can organise to speak to clients by phone or video call rather than having to cancel face to face meetings, and so I can organise for my DC to get to their dads house or hobbies etc by other means - ExH will pick up from me but then I have to collect so it does need to be arranged as we share transport between us, school friends will pick them up on the way passed but I try to then repay the favour, similarly hobbies.

So AIBU?

Did you buy it at market rate and is it worth much now?

Do you pay all the insurance/ maintenance?

It doesn't seem like much of a deal for you.

Yes, I'd tell them the arrangement isn't working for you any more so you'll have to sell. Give them first refusal.

If the car is an old banger worth only 1-2 k I would gift it back to dad when I got my new car through borrowing cash from the work scheme. It sounds like you are close and this would not be worth falling out over. Obviously if dad/brother want to use it one of them will need to tax, insure and maintain it.

If it is worth 4-5k plus and you need the money to add to the loan to buy a new one then yes do that and don't lend the new car to anyone/don't put anyone on the insurance.

If your dad wanted to continue to have use of the car while you taxed, insured and maintained it he should gave gifted it to you rather than sold it. Your dad thinks he is treating his children the same letting them use his car but it's not his car - he sold it.

I am sympathetic to my brothers situation, I do understand it's hard but it wouldn't take much for him to say "I have a job interview on X day could I borrow the car?" would it?

My dad and brother are both on the insurance as named drivers, hence why I said I'd change insurer if it makes it easier to remove their names.

Dad sold it to me at full sale price minus an amount of money he owed me, I probably got it £1k cheaper than if I'd bought the same age and milage car from a dealer - it was worth about 3k when I bought it and I paid £2k which is a lot of money to me. I'd sell it back to them for half of it's worth.

Sell it. I’d simply say since you don’t get to use it anyway you’re selling it to buy your OWN car. You’ve offered to sell it back they both said no so sucks to be then.

NEVER let them borrow the new car ever.

Also Id if never added the brother to the policy. How do they get the key either? Or does your dad have an actual copy.

I would tell your Dad you bought his car because you needed a car. And you cannot and will not arrange your life as if the car was still his. If he wants to behave as if he has a car to lend to your brother he needs to buy it back.

Your brother sounds an absolute idiot anyway. Fancy giving up his job rather than keeping it and finding somewhere else to live.

So other than your dad setting his debt aside as a discount on his car, he hasn't given you a good price at all.
So you're not obligated to let him use it.
Can you just take them off the insurance, put a wheel lock on, and tell them if they use it you will report it as stolen?

Put just enough petrol in it to get to where you need to go (run around on the yellow light!). Once your brother realises he's got to put petrol in, he might not be so keen to use it. :)

Or alternatively, all you can do is have one more conversation with them and state the boundaries; he asks before taking it and he pays for petrol. If those two conditions aren't met, Autotrader here we come!

If he sold it to you, it's not his car.

But I'd sell the thing to your brother or back to your dad and get a different one.
It seems silly of your brother to have given up all aspects of his life and means of working and money just because of a break up

@OhmygodDont Theres two keys and dad has one

That sucks. Short term as someone else said steering wheel lock and only you have the key. Long term just sell it.

You just have to say they need to check with you before using it. And using all your petrol is not on. Monthly contribution?

I don’t understand how your Dad thought he could put conditions on the sale when you paid market price, taking the money he owed you into account.

It’s your car and yours alone. Fine, do your Dad the off favour but you shouldn’t compromise your work AT ALL to facilitate him.

Funny how both these non working, non earning men want you to work and be a parent, putting your own needs second to their demands.

Come on OP, stick up for yourself and your kids.

id tell them that they either buy the car between them or you are selling it as you can't afford the fuel.

for a while get yourself to work on the bus or bike it there is its feasible - then get a different car and tell them it didn't work out not having a car. as you said don't put them on the insurance and then they can't drive it and your dad can't constantly lend your car that you paid for to your brother

Arrange for the car to have an accident….

Sell it . Try we buy any car or such like so you can get rid quick . You are never going to change the current scenario as your dad still thinks of it as his car . Why did your brother move home if he had a job where he was ?

YANBU and your Dad and DB are awful to take advantage of you like that! As PP have said take them off the insurance and put a lock on it. No way should you be inconvenienced after you bought the card and I imagine not knowing when you have it and when you don't is a nightmare. You should also be careful with you job because messing clients around on locations of meetings and not knowing whether you are WFH or in the office is not something companies will wear for long.

steering wheel lock works well at keeping car where it should be

It's a pain and not your fault but could you park it not in its usual spot so that you can at least access it if you have plans

It’s your car. They’re both taking advantage of you. It’s not your dad’s car so he has no say in the matter.

No. Your df changed the terms.
We had a similar awkward thing in our family. We brought something that used to belong to pil, but dh's siblings would still come and help themselves to stuff as though it still belong to their parents. We had to be firm in the end, which you would think should be easy, but it was as awkward as hell.

I agree with all the PPs saying your Dad and brother are totally taking advantage and you need to exit this asap - steering lock, insurance change, sell car.

They both have appalling attitude problems - treating you like a total idiot while you pick up the bill for the car, the maintenance and petrol. Are they usually such selfish twats?

And my brother has almost done the same thing.
Moved in, insisted the car dad gave me was transfered back to mum, got himself on the insurance and has got all the benifits with no bills. He made himself unemployed and apparently after 25 years of high IT salary has no money.

Short term you should take the second key back from your dad - at least that way you have control over who and when you hand it out.

Long term I would offer to seel it back to him and if he declines, sell it on and put the money towards something that is just yours.

You’ve been taken for a ride here OP. If you buy a car then it’s yours. For your use. Not yours as long as the original owner doesn’t fancy using it.
Time to issue an ultimatum. Either it’s your car. For your use. Or they club together and buy it off you. So you can buy a new car. This is mental.