To sell my car to avoid 3 way car sharing?

[3WayCarShareNoThanks]

I own a car, but it used to be my dads car, he sold it to me when he retired on the agreement that he could use it when needed.

It’s worked out fine between us as he only needs it once a week or for appointments, so then I either WFH or he drives me to work and picks me up or we come to another agreement. There’s never been a time when we haven’t managed to find some solution when we’ve both needed the car. We basically live together so it’s been fine (we live on the same road, but he has a garden and I don’t so I often pop round with my DC to use his garden and he pops to mine to use things he doesn’t have like a dishwasher)

That was until December. My brother split with his wife and moved back to our town from a few hours away.

He had to sell his car as he couldn’t afford it on his own. He also had to quit his job as it was a few hours away and he can’t get there without a car.

Now he’s constantly borrowing my car and my dad just says he can. Every job interview or everytime he wants to do anything; meet friends or do a hobby or anything he borrows my car, no consultation with me he just takes it, no thought as to how I’ll get to work or get my DC (I’m a single parent) to their activities or to their dads or to school, I just get told I should “Have more sympathy as I’ve not had to give everything up” or should “Organise to wfh then”.

And my brother never repays the fuel costs either, he literally uses ½ of a tank of fuel and doesn’t even offer to repay me or take it to petrol station and refill it, he just uses it.

I’ve told my dad it needs to stop and he just said it’s his car to so he’ll let my brother use it if he wants to.

I’ve offered to sell it back to them as I can now borrow the money from work to buy myself a slightly newer car anyway but both say they can’t afford it.

I’m tempted to just sell it and buy myself a newer car and not put either of them on the insurance (could even change insurance company to make it easier) but WIBU to do this?

I’m not so bothered about having to WFH, but I’d rather have notice so I can organise to speak to clients by phone or video call rather than having to cancel face to face meetings, and so I can organise for my DC to get to their dads house or hobbies etc by other means - ExH will pick up from me but then I have to collect so it does need to be arranged as we share transport between us, school friends will pick them up on the way passed but I try to then repay the favour, similarly hobbies.

So AIBU?

This reminds me of the time I bought a tv off my sister when she was moving away for a few months, she needed spending money so I bought the tv off her. When she returned she wanted the tv back and my mother completely sided with her that I should just hand it back! Ridiculous

Thanks everyone.

Will look into the loan from work to get a new car, at least I can choose whichever car I want. Work will pay the whole amount up to I think £10k, I can put my own money into it if I want to but don't have to, i just pay back from my wages so I'm not even missing the money as it goes out before I get my pay if that makes sense?

So I don't need to sell this car to get a new one.

THIS ^^^

Watch this man.

The brother and Dad won't have the keys to the new car so they can't use it. And by selling the original car and buying the new one, the OP can very clearly send the message that this is her car for her own exclusive use and that any arrangements regarding the old car (the dad having free use of it whenever he wants) are no longer applicable.

No, I agree that it would physically prevent them from being able to use it; but I'm just saying that I don't think they will accept it in good grace at all. OP will still be the 'nasty meanie who was only able to get this car because Dad let her buy his in the first place' (ignoring the fact that she paid market rate for it).

Brother may strategically sit tight for a month or so and then have an 'emergency' where he asks really nicely if he could please borrow it 'just this once', supported by Dad. Then there's another 'emergency' and, before long, he tries to be back to his old ways - especially as he's 'gone through so much upheaval' and OP is 'very lucky'.

In which case, if there's an emergency, the OP just says no, because the Dad and brother won't be on the insurance for the new car so they can't use it. End of story. They can be offended and not accept the new circumstances with good grace, but tough. It at least solves the issue of the OP not having access to her own car when she needs it.

Unless they are both contributing to the road tax, insurance, fuel, MOT and general maintenance of the car I’d take to playing hide the bloody car and leave it a few streets away. Different place each day. I’d also consider getting a steering lock.

Sell the car and get another one.

No, you don't need to sell the car to afford the new one, but you do need to sell it to get rid of the damn thing so that you are not responsible for any repairs on it, while Dad and brother drive around in it willy nilly and as soon as it breaks down it's suddenly your problem.
Reminds me of the neighbour downstairs who stole another neighbour's cat basically, but when the cat became ill the neighbour went round to the original owner with cat in arms and said "Your cat's ill so you'll need to take it to the vet". Fucking cheeky fucker.
I just don't know how people can be such knobs.
Oh I'll just use a car which doesn't belong to me whenever the fuck I like and return it with no fuel in it.

Yes, this.
I'd take great enjoyment in watching their puzzled little faces.
Not like they can report it stolen, it's not theirs.

In which case, if there's an emergency, the OP just says no, because the Dad and brother won't be on the insurance for the new car so they can't use it. End of story. They can be offended and not accept the new circumstances with good grace, but tough. It at least solves the issue of the OP not having access to her own car when she needs it.

If they're determined, you can buy a separate policy on a car that's owned by a family member or friend - you don't have to go on the same one. I did that when a good friend very kindly offered to lend us one of theirs, when they were abroad on holiday and ours was temporarily out of action, but at no point did the insurer ask me if I had express permission from the car owner to use this car that I was getting insurance on.

If it was just a case of telling them 'tough' and not caring about offending them, OP could already have taken them (or even just the brother) off the insurance. You can make amendments to drivers (other than the main driver) at any time during the policy.

If it was just a case of telling them 'tough' and not caring about offending them, OP could already have taken them (or even just the brother) off the insurance. You can make amendments to drivers (other than the main driver) at any time during the policy

If she buys a new car, they won't have the keys so that's surely the end of the discussion. They can try to buy themselves some kind of insurance policy as you describe for her car, but how the fuck are they going to drive said car if they don't have the keys?????

A new car will put an end to all of this.

@JudgeRudy you are the most adult person on here. You took my angry menopausal rant and diffused like a boss 🤣. Thank you for showing me how to behave!

So you'll carry on paying insurance,MOT, servicing etc for the old car? Why? You paid your dad for the car and now you are basically giving it back to him and your db but paying for it ? By all means people can do this if they want but it seems like you are pandering to their unreasonableness

I don’t know what kind of work you’re in but for a lot of us the last minute chopping and changing of face to face to online meetings would land us in trouble pretty quickly.

I would prepare for some emotional blackmail, but sell the car and tell them it’s because you’re putting your job at risk with the current set-up.

Sell it. As long as you have that particular car your Dad will continue to see it as his, and so will your brother. You need a new car that he’s never owned and has no claim on.

Total aside.

if work does this as a salary sacrifice, be mindful that if you are made redundant it will have an impact on your payout. In other words just check everything through carefully.

but YANBU and your dad is

If she buys a new car, they won't have the keys so that's surely the end of the discussion. They can try to buy themselves some kind of insurance policy as you describe for her car, but how the fuck are they going to drive said car if they don't have the keys?????

A new car will put an end to all of this.

It can't be much fun, though, ensuring that your car key is constantly on your person - never in a bag, a bowl near the door, coat pocket, always take it in to the shower with you. I wouldn't put anything past entitled people like that.

I’d give it back to your Dad, sign everything over so he’s responsible for insurance, MOT etc and get a new one. Then don’t let them anywhere near the new car keys!

Also OP if your Dad and brother are still driving the old car after you get a new one you will be insuring and taxing it for them? Sorting the MOT?
Any speeding or other driving offences will be on you as the registered keeper as well.

Please tell me you don't literally mean you intend to go to the expense of running two cars when there's only one driver in your household? Just to keep your dad and brother sweet?

so you've basically paid yourself the money that your dad owes you plus given him another lump sum of 2k, and all you get is the use of the car now and then after he and your brother get first dibs. I can't believe how disrespectful he is to you.

I won't be running two cars don't worry, but I'm not going to do myself out of a car for their sake. I will look into the loan and at the same time look at getting a wheel lock or similar.

As I said I do have sympathy for my brothers situation, but if he'd approached it as a "Can I borrow it on X date?" thing rather than dad lending it whenever I might need it, I'd have been fine with it.

I’d sell the car give your Dad the 1k discount you bought it off him for so you don’t feel beholden. Used cars are retaining their value so probably still worth 2-3k. Get a new (to you) car. Never add either of them to the insurance or let them borrow.

They are the epitome of cf.

I don't quite grasp why you can't say to your dad:

'I agreed to share the car with you - the car I paid full market value for from you when you take into account the money you owed me - on the basis that we'd discuss when you needed it in advance, and your use was minimal.

The current situation is of no benefit to me whatsoever, I can't rely on having the car, I certainly can't rely on it having an fuel in it when it is there, and this is not the agreement we made between us initially. I will be selling this car and buying a car that suits me, for my sole use going forward. If you would like to buy this car from me, the price is X, take 24 hours to think it over if you like.'

I can believe you think it wouldn't work but have you actually said this to him at any point?

There is no discount though as her DF owed her that 1K anyway!