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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sell my car to avoid 3 way car sharing?

209 replies

3WayCarShareNoThanks · 22/04/2023 16:14

I own a car, but it used to be my dads car, he sold it to me when he retired on the agreement that he could use it when needed.

It’s worked out fine between us as he only needs it once a week or for appointments, so then I either WFH or he drives me to work and picks me up or we come to another agreement. There’s never been a time when we haven’t managed to find some solution when we’ve both needed the car. We basically live together so it’s been fine (we live on the same road, but he has a garden and I don’t so I often pop round with my DC to use his garden and he pops to mine to use things he doesn’t have like a dishwasher)

That was until December. My brother split with his wife and moved back to our town from a few hours away.

He had to sell his car as he couldn’t afford it on his own. He also had to quit his job as it was a few hours away and he can’t get there without a car.

Now he’s constantly borrowing my car and my dad just says he can. Every job interview or everytime he wants to do anything; meet friends or do a hobby or anything he borrows my car, no consultation with me he just takes it, no thought as to how I’ll get to work or get my DC (I’m a single parent) to their activities or to their dads or to school, I just get told I should “Have more sympathy as I’ve not had to give everything up” or should “Organise to wfh then”.

And my brother never repays the fuel costs either, he literally uses ½ of a tank of fuel and doesn’t even offer to repay me or take it to petrol station and refill it, he just uses it.

I’ve told my dad it needs to stop and he just said it’s his car to so he’ll let my brother use it if he wants to.

I’ve offered to sell it back to them as I can now borrow the money from work to buy myself a slightly newer car anyway but both say they can’t afford it.

I’m tempted to just sell it and buy myself a newer car and not put either of them on the insurance (could even change insurance company to make it easier) but WIBU to do this?

I’m not so bothered about having to WFH, but I’d rather have notice so I can organise to speak to clients by phone or video call rather than having to cancel face to face meetings, and so I can organise for my DC to get to their dads house or hobbies etc by other means - ExH will pick up from me but then I have to collect so it does need to be arranged as we share transport between us, school friends will pick them up on the way passed but I try to then repay the favour, similarly hobbies.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
Badbudgeter · 22/04/2023 22:06

AppallinglyReheated · 22/04/2023 22:04

There is no discount though as her DF owed her that 1K anyway!

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Apologies I missed that. Put a wheel lock on it. Tell them neither of them get to drive it anymore as have taken the piss.

Remagirl · 22/04/2023 22:12

This is the most bonkers post I've read to date. It's so bizarre I find it hard to believe.

Peapodburgundybouquet · 22/04/2023 22:17

Sell it. And get something of your own that neither of them have a key for. And guard your new key with your life.

Fuck them both over, they’re being outrageous. Your dad can’t sell you a car and then act like he still owns it. No.

Is it typical for them for the men in your family to right roughshod over the women? I can’t imagine why your brother’s marriage died on its arse…

Nevermind31 · 22/04/2023 22:32

I think you should be clear in your mind…

  • you didn’t get the car for cheap - deducting an amount owed from the price is not letting you have it cheap
  • you are doing your dad a favour by letting him borrow it
  • it is your car, you paid your dad for it, so your dad does not have a say in it
you should really make that clear to your dad. Does he think if he had sold the car to someone down the road he would have free access over it? your dad has been taking advantage, and your brother the p…
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 22/04/2023 22:40

As I said I do have sympathy for my brothers situation, but if he'd approached it as a "Can I borrow it on X date?" thing rather than dad lending it whenever I might need it, I'd have been fine with it.

Yes, it's not really the wanting to borrow it if you're not using it; it's the assumption, the not asking and the mansplaining to you that he needs YOUR car more than you do!

Not to mention the fuel issue: not just not paying for what he's used, which is disgraceful enough, but also leaving you to get into your car (when he deigns to allow you to use it) and then having to factor in the time for an unexpected diversion to the fuel station.

Unsure33 · 22/04/2023 22:43

If you are willing to sell it to them for £1000 I would rather write the money off , give it to them and then they will have to split the insurance and running costs themselves . The freedom would be worth it .

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 22/04/2023 22:59

If you are willing to sell it to them for £1000 I would rather write the money off , give it to them and then they will have to split the insurance and running costs themselves . The freedom would be worth it .

But they've thought this through carefully: they don't just want a free to get car; they want a free to run car.

The purchase price is only one part of the story - becoming less relevant as a car gets older and worth less - it's all the other many costs that are a killer. Our old car costs us far more each year in insurance, tax, MoT, service, repairs, petrol etc. than its basic market value.

This was the original meaning of the phrase 'white elephant' - where you would give one to somebody you hated, knowing that their considerable ongoing costs to pay for it will be far more significant than your own cost in buying it as a one-off.

GabriellaMontez · 22/04/2023 23:08

Absolutely cheeky fuckers.

One of the weirdest situations I've read on here, and there's quite a high benchmark.

I can only imagine what it must have been like growing up with these 2 men.

Codlingmoths · 22/04/2023 23:40

The astonishing thing is not that your brother is divorced but that someone married him in the first place.
just prepare a few sentences ‘I was missing going into work as brother had taken my car and my dc are missing out on activities because is taking my car. He’s threatening my income while expecting me to pay his petrol. This situation is a disaster for me, you haven’t listened so I am ending it while I still have a job and can feed my children. I don’t see brother offering to feed and house my children so he doesn’t get a say here.’

EggInANest · 23/04/2023 00:45

The deduction from your wages for a loan for a new car will be significant! You will notice the deduction.

Of course you should sell
the old car so that you can put the money towards a new one and keep your payment down.

IF you really want a more expensive car.

emptythelitterbox · 23/04/2023 01:51

These are 2 misogynistic fuckers who have taken advantage of you.

Paid full price for the car, you pay all the expenses for it, petrol, extra cost to have the CF on insurance.

Sell the old car, get your new car and let them figure out their ride situations themselves.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/04/2023 02:12

He was living in his wifes house (paid for by her parents) so he had nowhere else to go

Awww poor diddums using two sets of people, mainly female. He's one of those people who gets through life by making everyone else pick up his slack. Get a new car and give him all his slack back.

Flatandhappy · 23/04/2023 02:34

I would tell your dad and brother that you are selling the car, give them first refusal to buy it (at market rate). If they can’t afford a car they can’t afford a car, not your issue. Meanwhile wheel lock.

SD1978 · 23/04/2023 02:43

Sell it and buy your own car. Tell them they can buy it from you or you'll sell it on to anyone who gives you the amount you want. The arrangement is now impacting you and taking the piss. I would cut it off ASAP.

LadyJ2023 · 23/04/2023 02:56

Never buy car with conditions.All the extra wear and tear your left to pick up the bill. Get your own and sell it.

Newestname002 · 23/04/2023 03:04

He was living in his wifes house (paid for by her parents) so he had nowhere else to go

That's interesting - I wonder if his wife's parents noted the calibre of the user who married their daughter? This same man who, with his father, is riding roughshod over you?

BTW: I'd also be inclined to change your locks so neither of them can enter your home (I'm assuming your father has a key?). You can always have a programmable keysafe securely installed for emergencies. 🌹

Phgty · 23/04/2023 03:04

Badbudgeter · 22/04/2023 22:02

I’d sell the car give your Dad the 1k discount you bought it off him for so you don’t feel beholden. Used cars are retaining their value so probably still worth 2-3k. Get a new (to you) car. Never add either of them to the insurance or let them borrow.

They are the epitome of cf.

But it wasn't a discount, he owed her the money.

OP it sounds like you find it hard to stand up for yourself, they're taking the piss.

Surely you're not going to get into debt to get another car and just let them continue using the current one?

wombat1a · 23/04/2023 03:30

Remove brother from insurance, inform both father and brother of this plus the fact that if brother takes the car you will be informing the police of the car being taken without consent from it's owner.

wombat1a · 23/04/2023 03:34

Use it as a trade in on a better car, insure it only in your name, do not let them have keys.

Phoebo · 23/04/2023 03:37

3WayCarShareNoThanks · 22/04/2023 16:23

@Lennox78 Because the agreement when he sold it to me was that he could use it whenever he wanted and he extends that to lending it out whenever he wants. As I said it worked fine until my brother came home, but now isn't working.

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I'd tell your dad this and give him examples. Then just sell it back to him or your brother and get yourself your own car.

Phoebo · 23/04/2023 03:39

I assumed your dad sold it to your really cheap, but see it was at market rate. I'm annoyed on your behalf, get rid of the car. This is total BS, they're both taking the piss.

JennyJenny8675309 · 23/04/2023 03:47

sittingonacornflake · 22/04/2023 16:26

Missing point of thread but your dad brings his dirty dishes round to your house to clean?

I was focused on that too!🤣

Clymene · 23/04/2023 04:46

Neither of them have any respect for you or your children. You're the only one working out of the three of you, you've got kids to support and they're putting your job at risk by preventing you from getting to work. Your dad was already taking the piss and now he's just enabling your brother to do the same.

And no one forced your brother to quit his job. He could have done what most people do and got a new job before quitting his old one.

You should be furious. I'm outraged on your behalf.

lljkk · 23/04/2023 05:21

A guy who lives alone lugs his dirty dishes down the road to OP's dishwasher?

custardbear · 23/04/2023 06:15

You need to woman up a bit, they're both freeloaders abs are using your good nature.