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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sell my car to avoid 3 way car sharing?

209 replies

3WayCarShareNoThanks · 22/04/2023 16:14

I own a car, but it used to be my dads car, he sold it to me when he retired on the agreement that he could use it when needed.

It’s worked out fine between us as he only needs it once a week or for appointments, so then I either WFH or he drives me to work and picks me up or we come to another agreement. There’s never been a time when we haven’t managed to find some solution when we’ve both needed the car. We basically live together so it’s been fine (we live on the same road, but he has a garden and I don’t so I often pop round with my DC to use his garden and he pops to mine to use things he doesn’t have like a dishwasher)

That was until December. My brother split with his wife and moved back to our town from a few hours away.

He had to sell his car as he couldn’t afford it on his own. He also had to quit his job as it was a few hours away and he can’t get there without a car.

Now he’s constantly borrowing my car and my dad just says he can. Every job interview or everytime he wants to do anything; meet friends or do a hobby or anything he borrows my car, no consultation with me he just takes it, no thought as to how I’ll get to work or get my DC (I’m a single parent) to their activities or to their dads or to school, I just get told I should “Have more sympathy as I’ve not had to give everything up” or should “Organise to wfh then”.

And my brother never repays the fuel costs either, he literally uses ½ of a tank of fuel and doesn’t even offer to repay me or take it to petrol station and refill it, he just uses it.

I’ve told my dad it needs to stop and he just said it’s his car to so he’ll let my brother use it if he wants to.

I’ve offered to sell it back to them as I can now borrow the money from work to buy myself a slightly newer car anyway but both say they can’t afford it.

I’m tempted to just sell it and buy myself a newer car and not put either of them on the insurance (could even change insurance company to make it easier) but WIBU to do this?

I’m not so bothered about having to WFH, but I’d rather have notice so I can organise to speak to clients by phone or video call rather than having to cancel face to face meetings, and so I can organise for my DC to get to their dads house or hobbies etc by other means - ExH will pick up from me but then I have to collect so it does need to be arranged as we share transport between us, school friends will pick them up on the way passed but I try to then repay the favour, similarly hobbies.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
Pixiedust1234 · 22/04/2023 17:03

Sell the car and give your dad and brother first refusal. If they don't then sell it and buy yourself a different car and don't put them on the insurance at all. You mustn't blur any boundaries with having your dad as named driver for cheaper insurance for instance.

Be prepared for your dad to refuse use of his garden though.

Beautiful3 · 22/04/2023 17:04

At first I thought he gave it to you, as it would explain his attitude regards sharing it with your brother. But he didn't, he sold it to you! Well that's a real piss take. Think I'd sell it too, so there's no confusion that the new car is yours. Do not put your dad on the insurance.

YellowHatt · 22/04/2023 17:04

sittingonacornflake · 22/04/2023 16:26

Missing point of thread but your dad brings his dirty dishes round to your house to clean?

I wondered this too. How do you borrow a dishwasher?

Holycow23x · 22/04/2023 17:04

That wasn’t part of the original agreement. Tell him & sell it. What can he do? Nothing!

Windinmyhair · 22/04/2023 17:05

You are being taken for a mug.

if your dad sold it to you for full market value - a debt he owed then there was no deal there for you. The lending agreement is out of the kindness of your heart. Tell them it stops for both of them now, or they can buy the car back between them. Give them a week. No more.

they are properly taking the piss. Especially with the petrol.

Find your anger.

mainsfed · 22/04/2023 17:07

3WayCarShareNoThanks · 22/04/2023 16:36

I am sympathetic to my brothers situation, I do understand it's hard but it wouldn't take much for him to say "I have a job interview on X day could I borrow the car?" would it?

My dad and brother are both on the insurance as named drivers, hence why I said I'd change insurer if it makes it easier to remove their names.

Dad sold it to me at full sale price minus an amount of money he owed me, I probably got it £1k cheaper than if I'd bought the same age and milage car from a dealer - it was worth about 3k when I bought it and I paid £2k which is a lot of money to me. I'd sell it back to them for half of it's worth.

Cars depreciate in value so you owe your dad nothing.

Sell the car.

caringcarer · 22/04/2023 17:07

Offer your Dad to buy it back and if he can't or won't tell him you are selling the car and buying another one. Only your name will be on new insurance. Is your brother really driving your car without his name being on the insurance? Because as the car is in your name only you could add him to your insurance, so your Dad could not have done it.

MeridianB · 22/04/2023 17:07

Pixiedust1234 · 22/04/2023 17:03

Sell the car and give your dad and brother first refusal. If they don't then sell it and buy yourself a different car and don't put them on the insurance at all. You mustn't blur any boundaries with having your dad as named driver for cheaper insurance for instance.

Be prepared for your dad to refuse use of his garden though.

Good point about the insurance here. I bet neither of them would cough up for the excess if they crashed it.

Shinyandnew1 · 22/04/2023 17:07

Your dad sold it to you, so it’s not his any more!

Yes, I would either change insurance or get a new car. Make sure you aren’t just then used as a free taxi service for them.

RunningUpThatMill · 22/04/2023 17:07

I think the 2% who have voted that YABU have done so by accident, or, they think YABU for thinking YABU. You are not being unreasonable.

Beautiful3 · 22/04/2023 17:07

You can get your key and locks recoded. My husband lost his, and he managed to get a new key within an hour. This way, your dad's key will no longer work. Also take them both off your insurance.

Thelittlekingdom · 22/04/2023 17:08

They’re taking the piss. You’ve paid the market value for the car and it’s your car. You were being kind to let your dad use it. I’d either sell it or put a steering lock on it. Is there anyway of getting the other key back?

bellac11 · 22/04/2023 17:08

sittingonacornflake · 22/04/2023 16:26

Missing point of thread but your dad brings his dirty dishes round to your house to clean?

Me too!

Sorry OP this is what jumped out at me!!

Original poster
3WayCarShareNoThanks · 22/04/2023 17:09

Floralnomad · 22/04/2023 16:54

Sell it . Try we buy any car or such like so you can get rid quick . You are never going to change the current scenario as your dad still thinks of it as his car . Why did your brother move home if he had a job where he was ?

@Floralnomad He was living in his wifes house (paid for by her parents) so he had nowhere else to go

OP posts:
Redglitter · 22/04/2023 17:10

Sell it & buy something else and keep both keys & don't put them on the insurance

Treesoutsidemywindow · 22/04/2023 17:11

I would buy a steering wheel lock a.s.a.p to sort out the immediate problem OP. Then, as they've said they can't afford to buy it off of you, sell it and buy yourself another car of your own choosing. This way it becomes clear cut to your DF that the car he USED to own, is no longer his for the asking, and your freeloading DB, will have to get up off his lazy arse, and get a job if he wants to run a car. If you keep this car it is always going to be a bone of contention between the family, but once you've offered them the chance to buy, and they've turned the opportunity down, then it becomes totally your choice to sell it, and chose a car which is for you, and you ALONE! Time to harden your heart I'm afraid, otherwise your DB and DF will continue to take the piss indefinitely.

Fighterofthenightman1 · 22/04/2023 17:11

Sell it

Buy a new one and say its a work car with the stipulation you're the only one allowed to drive it

neilyoungismyhero · 22/04/2023 17:12

sittingonacornflake · 22/04/2023 16:26

Missing point of thread but your dad brings his dirty dishes round to your house to clean?

I wondered the same thing...lol

FairAcre · 22/04/2023 17:12

Sell the car (or trade it in) and if you feel guilty then give half the proceeds to your dad towards their own car.

Monkeymonkeymoo · 22/04/2023 17:12

I’d explain to them both that you bought the car because you need a car and that it’s not fair on you/ex-DP/your colleagues/your kids to keep having to change plans last minute because it’s not available. I’d also point out that you can’t afford to keep topping up fuel and paying for all the maintenance etc when you’re not able to use it how you want to.

I’d suggest offering to sell it back to them for x amount (it doesn’t sound like your dad gave you an amazing discount in return for the inconvenience involved in him/your brother using the car). Give them a firm deadline to give you the money and say that you can’t continue with the current arrangement so you are going to buy a car that it solely yours through your work scheme- if they can’t afford to buy it off you then you’ll sell it to a third party.

It sounds like you have a good relationship with your dad (and with your brother when he isn’t being a CF). If you don’t resolve this then it’s going to cause resentment and sour the relationship- I’d want to get out of this ‘ownership with conditions‘ before it gets that far.

TomatoSandwiches · 22/04/2023 17:13

So let me get this straight,

Your father owed you money, a debt and then offered to sell you his car at pretty much the going market rate, minus the debt but also put a clause on that he can borrow it whenever he needs to and presents this to you like he's doing you a fucking favour.... right?
Your children and his grandchildren get to use his garden but he also uses your dishwasher in return.
Everything is a bit tit for tat with your dad isn't it, but he thinks somehow he gets to dictate changes that put you at a disadvantage.

You need to get pissed off and take them both off the insurance, your dad no longer owns the car, it is not his so he doesn't have the authority to allow anyone else to use it!

They are both taking the piss out of you, don't let them.

MyrrAgain · 22/04/2023 17:15

Never do business with friends or family.

If you want you could just take it back and sign it all over to your dad, and suck this one up. Never do business with them again. Get your own car and move on.
Or leave it on the drive and never fill it up with petrol. Use the bus instead. That'll learn him.

FrostyFifi · 22/04/2023 17:15

Like father like son... pair of pisstakers.

DahliaMacNamara · 22/04/2023 17:16

My head is pounding just reading that. They're massive pisstakers, the pair of them. I get that you want to help family out and all that. But using your car when you need it, and not replacing the petrol, is wildly overstepping. If you do nothing else, follow a pp's suggestion about keeping the petrol low.

Patchworksack · 22/04/2023 17:16

I’d tell them you intend to sell it - first refusal back to them for what you paid plus what you were owed or market value - maybe it would work for the two of them to car share? Otherwise just get rid and get a car that is yours and only yours and on no account add them to the insurance. Your Dad was taking the piss from the start if he got market value from you, passed you all the running costs and still got to drive it. Your brother is a CF! Please tell me you are not paying to have them both on your insurance as well as their fuel costs?