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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My Dh bruised my arm during a fight I front of our children

217 replies

OrchidArcade · 10/04/2023 20:24

Obviously it sounds unreasonable written down like that but as any situation is, it feels far more nuanced. It's been a really rainy bank holiday Monday so we stayed in with our two sons all day. They are full on Mummy's boys and don't really have all that much time for their Dad.

After our dinner and a few drinks, I decided I'd get to bed and the boys followed me up wanting to snuggle in the big bed. Of course I let them but dh came up and demanded that he could get in and they had to get to their bed and that he'd compromise by sleeping in their room in the spare bunk. Neither of them wanted to shift so he shouted at me to get out and sleep in their room which set the youngest off crying.

QThey both wanted to follow me but he physically restrained them which I hate. I returned to the big bed and curled up at the foot of the bed saying I wasn't leaving. Our eldest got a nervous fit of the giggles and started giggling which enraged Dh who wrongly assumed I was tickling their feet and shouted at me that I was an interfering bitch and needed to leave the room.
When I refused to leave without boys (feeling they were getting very uncomfortable) he grabbed me by the arm and pushed me of the bed telling me to fuck off and twisting my arm.

Obviously I wasn't leaving the boys at this point so I got back on the bed and told them to follow me and them he pushed me and grabbed me again

I'm now sharing a single bunk with two boys and just saw some pretty impressive bruises on my upper arm. What the fuck!!

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · 10/04/2023 20:26

Your husband is an abusive arsehole.

Londongal123 · 10/04/2023 20:26

This is abuse. Start creating your exit plan.

Violaviolin · 10/04/2023 20:26

Leave him today.

Witchcraftandhokum · 10/04/2023 20:26

You need to tell.him to leave. If he won't call the police.

CherryHouse · 10/04/2023 20:27

You know the answer. You (and your boys) need to leave him.

Even if it isn’t about self-preservation. It’s for your boys to show them that his fuck awful behaviour is unacceptable and protect them from him!!

DiddyHeck · 10/04/2023 20:28

You two need to separate.

You need to take this more seriously. Bruises are not 'impressive'.

You both need to stop day drinking.

Please think about an escape plan OP Flowers

Marchforward · 10/04/2023 20:29

The whole thing sounds like a mess and is even worse than the thread title.

Changingplace · 10/04/2023 20:29

Sorry this has happened, you need to leave him for the sake of your boys, this is abusive behaviour.

BadgerFacedCoo · 10/04/2023 20:29

DiddyHeck · 10/04/2023 20:28

You two need to separate.

You need to take this more seriously. Bruises are not 'impressive'.

You both need to stop day drinking.

Please think about an escape plan OP Flowers

Perfectly put

Ailsamary · 10/04/2023 20:30

Document the bruises immediately, and then arrange to leave with your kids - quietly so that he doesn't refuse to let them leave

Forestfire12345 · 10/04/2023 20:30

He cannot signal verbal and physical abuse any clearer. You must be quite shocked .
Make a plan immediately to remove yourself from this.
It's unlikely this has come out of the blue- he's been building up to this verbally and physically surely.
Don't listen to apologies. You all deserve better

Addymontgomeryfan · 10/04/2023 20:31

You need to get out.

Original poster
OrchidArcade · 10/04/2023 20:31

I'm not trying to trivialise this by saying impressive. I was just surprised when I looked and saw some marks.

Day drinking is not a usual for me but a rainy bank holiday nd a spare bottle of red...

I don't want the boys seeing this as Normal and as I'm typing they're both trying to get me to sleep in their respective bunks. They're on edge.

OP posts:
tennesseewhiskey1 · 10/04/2023 20:31

Hope you’ve left already.

TimeSlipMushroom · 10/04/2023 20:32

Your husband is abusive.
Your children are witnessing abuse and experiencing abuse. It's important not to minimise this or make excuses for him.
You need to protect your children from this abuse. You don't have to do this alone and there is support for you to leave.
Google womens aid and domestic abuse services in your area.

ZombieKettle · 10/04/2023 20:32

Photograph the bruises tonight and again tomorrow when they may look worse. You might need it as evidence of DV. Please call Women's Aid in the morning, for you and the sake of your kids.

Balloonsandroses · 10/04/2023 20:32

This is awful. You should call the police.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 10/04/2023 20:32

There’s no nuance to it. He was verbally abusive and then physically abusive. What spin could you possibly put on it?

Wombatbum · 10/04/2023 20:33

This is messed up

Honeyroar · 10/04/2023 20:33

“Obviously it sounds unreasonable written down…”
because it absolutely is. 😞. Completely unacceptable way for him to behave. You don’t want your boys growing up thinking that’s ok. No wonder they prefer you…!

Withnailandeye · 10/04/2023 20:34

Agree, this isn’t nuanced. Presumably you can’t leave now because of the day drinking but are you actually safe because it doesn’t sound like you are.

rwalker · 10/04/2023 20:35

It’s done when it comes to this

not really relevant now but who lets there kids dictate if they can get into there own bed

tbh I’m not justifying his reaction by I’d be beyond fuming if I wasn’t allowed in my own bed and my OH was lying in there and did nothing to back me up
add dinking into the situation it was never going to end well

TimeSlipMushroom · 10/04/2023 20:35

Your children clearly feel unsafe right now and I imagine you do too.

What would ypu do if you were home alone with the boys and a male stranger attacked you?

There is no difference other than the emotional links you have with him.

You can phone the police for immediate help now and to have him removed from the house tonight.

Imagine how peacefully your boys should be able to sleep

4eyesbigthighs · 10/04/2023 20:36

I don’t usually go straight to LTB on these types of posts as the majority of them are realistic resolvable arguments.

this is abuse.

ask yourself this; how would you feel if one of your DS grew up to treat women this way? Why allow yourself to be treated this way, and showing your boys it’s ok in the process.

leave.

Hankunamatata · 10/04/2023 20:36

rwalker · 10/04/2023 20:35

It’s done when it comes to this

not really relevant now but who lets there kids dictate if they can get into there own bed

tbh I’m not justifying his reaction by I’d be beyond fuming if I wasn’t allowed in my own bed and my OH was lying in there and did nothing to back me up
add dinking into the situation it was never going to end well

This