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Original poster

My Dh bruised my arm during a fight I front of our children

217 replies

OrchidArcade · 10/04/2023 20:24

Obviously it sounds unreasonable written down like that but as any situation is, it feels far more nuanced. It's been a really rainy bank holiday Monday so we stayed in with our two sons all day. They are full on Mummy's boys and don't really have all that much time for their Dad.

After our dinner and a few drinks, I decided I'd get to bed and the boys followed me up wanting to snuggle in the big bed. Of course I let them but dh came up and demanded that he could get in and they had to get to their bed and that he'd compromise by sleeping in their room in the spare bunk. Neither of them wanted to shift so he shouted at me to get out and sleep in their room which set the youngest off crying.

QThey both wanted to follow me but he physically restrained them which I hate. I returned to the big bed and curled up at the foot of the bed saying I wasn't leaving. Our eldest got a nervous fit of the giggles and started giggling which enraged Dh who wrongly assumed I was tickling their feet and shouted at me that I was an interfering bitch and needed to leave the room.
When I refused to leave without boys (feeling they were getting very uncomfortable) he grabbed me by the arm and pushed me of the bed telling me to fuck off and twisting my arm.

Obviously I wasn't leaving the boys at this point so I got back on the bed and told them to follow me and them he pushed me and grabbed me again

I'm now sharing a single bunk with two boys and just saw some pretty impressive bruises on my upper arm. What the fuck!!

OP posts:
ProstituteHair · 10/04/2023 20:37

You are married to a Bad Man.

He won't change.

Do you want your lovely boys to grow up yo be Bad Men?

Because they will if you stay with him.

Give them the option to see women as whole human beings, as a person that took them out of a nasty situation.

It's hard. It's not the 'easy' option. Things will change. For the better.

Original poster
OrchidArcade · 10/04/2023 20:38

I'm completely safe. He's fast asleep snoring now and I'm watching bluey with the boys.
I can't stress enough that this is t daily and not is day drinking. We saw it as the equivalent of going out for drinks and a lunch on bank holiday.

I need to talk with someone in real life tomorrow.

OP posts:
Blort · 10/04/2023 20:38

Cant imagine why your children don't like him.

Your children are trying to stick by your side because they only feel safe with you. But if you stay with that man they aren't safe.

There is no nuance. Please get help. Call the police.

AlbaDT · 10/04/2023 20:38

There’s no nuance here - he is physically abusing you.

winterchills · 10/04/2023 20:38

You need to call the police tomorrow. He has assaulted u in front of your children!!

Blort · 10/04/2023 20:38

OrchidArcade · 10/04/2023 20:38

I'm completely safe. He's fast asleep snoring now and I'm watching bluey with the boys.
I can't stress enough that this is t daily and not is day drinking. We saw it as the equivalent of going out for drinks and a lunch on bank holiday.

I need to talk with someone in real life tomorrow.

They are still in his care. You are still in his home.

No one is safe.

HappyMe6 · 10/04/2023 20:39

He sounds vile

TheInterceptor · 10/04/2023 20:40

OP - you will lose your children if you allow them to be brought up in this environment. Fix it.

Original poster
OrchidArcade · 10/04/2023 20:41

I know it sounds naive but I think his feelings were hurt by the usual 'mummys boys' antics and that he was acting out of anger and frustration rather than calculated abuse. Not an excuse obviously but I don't think he's mean to hurt me especially in front of the boys.

OP posts:
ProstituteHair · 10/04/2023 20:42

Do you not wonder why they are 'Mummy's boys'?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 10/04/2023 20:42

OrchidArcade · 10/04/2023 20:41

I know it sounds naive but I think his feelings were hurt by the usual 'mummys boys' antics and that he was acting out of anger and frustration rather than calculated abuse. Not an excuse obviously but I don't think he's mean to hurt me especially in front of the boys.

Of course he meant to hurt you in front of them.

That's why he put his hands on you.

TimeSlipMushroom · 10/04/2023 20:42

Who has drunk what and when is irrelevant. The only issue here is that you have been physically and verbally attacked and in front of your children. This cannot be minimised. Please get some support

Fantasmagoricalan · 10/04/2023 20:42

It’s hardly a surprise they have no time for their father, who is a bullying, frightening abusive cunt.

Please leave. He’s appalling.

takealettermsjones · 10/04/2023 20:43

rwalker · 10/04/2023 20:35

It’s done when it comes to this

not really relevant now but who lets there kids dictate if they can get into there own bed

tbh I’m not justifying his reaction by I’d be beyond fuming if I wasn’t allowed in my own bed and my OH was lying in there and did nothing to back me up
add dinking into the situation it was never going to end well

"Beyond fuming"? If the kids are snuggling in a bed with their other parent? It's hardly a crime.

If I found my kids in bed with DH and no room for me I would smile because it's cute, agree with DH what time we move them into their own beds (i.e. "ok you can have ten more minutes/until the end of the film" etc) and then leave them to it.

What I wouldn't do is physically and verbally assault my DH and/or terrify my children.

Randobelia · 10/04/2023 20:44

He's done such a number on you if you think this is in any way nuanced. You don't need to live like this.

TheMatriarchy · 10/04/2023 20:44

Is the nuance that he is verbally abusive as well as physically?
Seriously though, dont let your boys carry on growing up with that as their role model, get out. No wonder they have no time for him.

Original poster
OrchidArcade · 10/04/2023 20:45

I feel really embarrassed.Thats why I'm posting anonymously instead of calling someone. I don't want to make this 'real'. I know that's a pathetic response but by telling someone I know it makes it something I can't go back from. It's a bit scarier then LTB

OP posts:
Coffeellama · 10/04/2023 20:46

OrchidArcade · 10/04/2023 20:41

I know it sounds naive but I think his feelings were hurt by the usual 'mummys boys' antics and that he was acting out of anger and frustration rather than calculated abuse. Not an excuse obviously but I don't think he's mean to hurt me especially in front of the boys.

You are kidding yourself OP. If you are a decent mum you need to report him to the police and leave. It isn’t just about you, it’s about the young men you are raising.

Blort · 10/04/2023 20:46

OrchidArcade · 10/04/2023 20:41

I know it sounds naive but I think his feelings were hurt by the usual 'mummys boys' antics and that he was acting out of anger and frustration rather than calculated abuse. Not an excuse obviously but I don't think he's mean to hurt me especially in front of the boys.

Dont get into the habit of thinking abuaive men have an evil face and calculating malevolent thoughts.

Most abusive men have great points, are loving at times, sweet and caring. Otherwise they'll never get anyone to fall in love with them. Theyve probably been abused themselves, have issues with control. Short tempers. They dont strike women to hurt them - They lash out in rage. They grab when women dont do as they should

Your kids are in danger. If you read this thread from another woman you would want to help them. We all have nuance and a big past story that is shades of grey.

takealettermsjones · 10/04/2023 20:46

OrchidArcade · 10/04/2023 20:41

I know it sounds naive but I think his feelings were hurt by the usual 'mummys boys' antics and that he was acting out of anger and frustration rather than calculated abuse. Not an excuse obviously but I don't think he's mean to hurt me especially in front of the boys.

They are "mummy's boys" because he's terrifying them.

Of course he meant to hurt you. Do you know how most people manage to not hurt their spouses? They don't push them/grab them/twist their arms.

And how do you square him calling you a bitch and telling you to fuck off with your idea that he didn't mean it?

Coffeellama · 10/04/2023 20:47

OrchidArcade · 10/04/2023 20:45

I feel really embarrassed.Thats why I'm posting anonymously instead of calling someone. I don't want to make this 'real'. I know that's a pathetic response but by telling someone I know it makes it something I can't go back from. It's a bit scarier then LTB

You can’t come back from it anyway, he assaulted you in front of your children and scared them. Call someone.

MistyFrequencies · 10/04/2023 20:48

You and your children are in danger. You need to leave. Get real life help, call the police and report him, keep yourself and your kids safe.

sugarspices · 10/04/2023 20:48

Please don't let your sons see this and think it's normal! One day they will be in relationships of their own - they need you to set the example for them since their dad isn't. I know it's not always black and white and leaving is hard, but

sugarspices · 10/04/2023 20:49

(Sorry accidentally pressed post!) but you need to put yourself and your boys first x