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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL refusing to take the children for our honeymoon.

169 replies

Mamacita7 · 08/04/2023 19:25

Just want to preface this by making it clear I didn’t ask her to take the children, she offered.
We get married in July this year. We have two daughters who will be 9 & 6 then. My MIL very kindly offered to take the girls so we could get away by ourselves after the wedding. She has only ever had them over night once and if I’m honest I didn’t think she would actually take them. We holiday with them every year to a place in Scotland and have done since the eldest was born. We get separate apartments and I stay with the children when they go to bed to allow my fiancé and his dad some quality time at night.
About three weeks ago my fiancé informs us all that he has booked a luxury apartment in said place costing £££ for them and the girls to go away a week after the wedding. This allows us time to maybe get a few days away and join them during the rest of the week. His mother loses her mind. She tells him that he should have discussed it with her and that it is unreasonable of us to expect her to drive them up there. She was shouting at him. For context, it’s a two hour drive and we hadn’t discussed who was taking them. We have a people carrier so would have taken them all up. I am upset at the way she spoke to him and it’s the final nail in the coffin. She’s made some snippy comments about the wedding which we are fully paying for.
Cut to this week and she messaged him to ask that we go early to collect the children’s Easter eggs because they are going to aforementioned holiday destination, and she is driving up.
Am I right to be annoyed at her? Should I start the discussion or just leave it?

OP posts:
adultdds · 08/04/2023 21:38

I'd be annoyed too if I was mil. You don't get to control how she looks after kids.

ChrisPPancake · 08/04/2023 21:39

I don't think it's a mil issue.

RosieLeaLovesTea · 08/04/2023 21:40

It may also be to do with extra cost. Even though your fiancé has booked the accommodation there is still spending money required for activities and food. Non of that has been discussed and it is fora week that they were not planning for.

1234tellmethatyoulovememore · 08/04/2023 21:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Clymene · 08/04/2023 21:48

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

I'd start a new thread but generally you need to not be there and get someone else to feed her.

Exhibity · 08/04/2023 21:48

How are they supposed to get about if you're dropping them off and leaving them there? I call bullshit .

Confusion101 · 08/04/2023 21:49

Do we think OP has gone to make amends with MIL or will she back?

Shitsandwiches · 08/04/2023 21:54

I feel sorry for her and not surprised she shouted as it was probably anxiety rather than her being rude and ungrateful!

knittingaddict · 08/04/2023 22:03

I look after the grandchildren a lot. I would far rather look after them in my own home. I would also expect to have a say in where I stayed on holiday. Can't imagine why this was done op.

knittingaddict · 08/04/2023 22:05

36% of people think what you did was fine. Blimey. 🤔

JudgeRudy · 08/04/2023 22:15

I think you've blind sided her. Unless it was previously discussed I'd have expected 'having the girls' to mean at MILs house. If she decided to take them away or to Alton Towers or a picnic or stay in all week that would be down to her. I don't understand why you don't understand you've been a bit pressumtious to assume that was either convenient or wanted.
The reason she's blurted out about the driving issue is because she's really flummoxed.
You ask should you start a discussion. Well better late than never I guess. Had you discussed dates or anything before? How long was she expecting to have them? I all four of you need to discuss this. Why are you and MIL the only ones with anything to say when it was your OH who's started this. Could it be he's spoken to your FIL? I'm sure between the 4 of you you can agree on something. I'd suggest you take the cottage (if you cant get your money back) and leave PILs to their own arrangements

ArmchairAnarchist2 · 08/04/2023 22:20

I don't think this is going the way OP thought it would. On the off chance she does return... You clearly dislike your MIL from the barbed comments but she hasn't done anything wrong except offer you the chance of a honeymoon without the children you chose to have. I'm guessing there aren't a queue of people you'd trust and have offered the same but you choose to get angry with her, not her son who screwed up.

Viviennemary · 08/04/2023 22:20

He shouldnt really have booked this without asking first. She isnt refusing to look after them she is refusing to take them on holiday.

JudgeRudy · 08/04/2023 22:26

I've not seen this on MN before, everybody saying pretty much the same thing. Wonder if OP get her 'Century' ...so 100 people in a row saying YES you are beinging VERY unreasonable

BeautyPrincesses · 08/04/2023 22:26

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

RenoDakota · 08/04/2023 22:32

Very presumptuous.
Poor MIL must have wanted her own home comforts around her while babysitting your children. As any sane person would.

NumberTheory · 08/04/2023 22:41

MiL’s reaction sounds aggressive, but I’m with everyone else asking who on earth books someone else a holiday without talking to them about it first?

And the fact he would be so presumptuous over such a big thing leaves me wonder if MiL’s reaction is aggressive because she’s sick to death of being treated like that and hasn’t been listened to when she’s been more measured in the past.

saraclara · 08/04/2023 22:55

I see I'm just joining the choir here. As a Grandma who takes care of her DGCs when this liking if thing cross up, I'd be totally blindsided by their parents deciding for themselves how in going to do it.

Of course I'd rather have the kids on my home. I can get on with normal life, do as I please, and be comfortable. To be told that they'd decided I was going to make a four hour return journey with the kids and stay somewhere else with them, would knock me for six. Presumably its self catering too, so I'd have to pack up food etc to feed them. And then to find they'd actually BOOKED it without any consultation?!

Really, what was your husband thinking, OP? Does he generally make decisions for other people without discussion?

MattTebbuttsDenimShirt · 08/04/2023 23:01

Relaxing in my own house and sorting activities for the grandkids V's taking the grandkids on holiday! YABU

MattTebbuttsDenimShirt · 08/04/2023 23:10

JKTrolling · 08/04/2023 20:51

with the wedding and the honeymoon none of the attention is on her. So she decided to have a melt down to make it all about her. She’s a brat.

Said only you 🙄

Tourmalines · 08/04/2023 23:46

What do you mean by the final nail in the coffin? Have you all actually fell out over this and are not going to see each other again ? But then after that she bought your kids Easter eggs . ? Also , your title is a bit over dramatic about her refusing to take the children for your honeymoon. She was the one who OFFERED. It’s not her fault you changed your plans .

WilsonMilson · 09/04/2023 00:24

Why would your dp book a trip for his parents and your kids without even telling his mother?
That‘s ridiculous, presumptuous and probably an expense you didn’t need.
Your mother has every right to be angry, you can’t just impose a trip upon someone. Maybe she wanted to look after your kids at her house.
It’s weird and a big overstep to just go and book someone on a trip without their knowledge. The whole set up of your usual trips is weird too - why would you be left with the kids in the evening so your do can be with his dad?? Why wouldn’t your in laws look after the kids to let you and dp have time yourselves? Odd set up.

Thesharkradar · 09/04/2023 01:03

She was probably a bit concerned about how it would go and maybe had a rough plan for what to do in her place, now the rug has been pulled out from under her, she's upset, thrown a fit, is up on her high horse & cant get down

PaigeMatthews · 09/04/2023 01:07

WilsonMilson · 09/04/2023 00:24

Why would your dp book a trip for his parents and your kids without even telling his mother?
That‘s ridiculous, presumptuous and probably an expense you didn’t need.
Your mother has every right to be angry, you can’t just impose a trip upon someone. Maybe she wanted to look after your kids at her house.
It’s weird and a big overstep to just go and book someone on a trip without their knowledge. The whole set up of your usual trips is weird too - why would you be left with the kids in the evening so your do can be with his dad?? Why wouldn’t your in laws look after the kids to let you and dp have time yourselves? Odd set up.

This. What was he thinking?

MobyJeff · 09/04/2023 01:11

DashboardConfessional · 08/04/2023 19:31

It seems unnecessarily complicated. Were you going to go away, come back, and drive them up? Then what?

This. I’m confused.