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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL refusing to take the children for our honeymoon.

169 replies

Mamacita7 · 08/04/2023 19:25

Just want to preface this by making it clear I didn’t ask her to take the children, she offered.
We get married in July this year. We have two daughters who will be 9 & 6 then. My MIL very kindly offered to take the girls so we could get away by ourselves after the wedding. She has only ever had them over night once and if I’m honest I didn’t think she would actually take them. We holiday with them every year to a place in Scotland and have done since the eldest was born. We get separate apartments and I stay with the children when they go to bed to allow my fiancé and his dad some quality time at night.
About three weeks ago my fiancé informs us all that he has booked a luxury apartment in said place costing £££ for them and the girls to go away a week after the wedding. This allows us time to maybe get a few days away and join them during the rest of the week. His mother loses her mind. She tells him that he should have discussed it with her and that it is unreasonable of us to expect her to drive them up there. She was shouting at him. For context, it’s a two hour drive and we hadn’t discussed who was taking them. We have a people carrier so would have taken them all up. I am upset at the way she spoke to him and it’s the final nail in the coffin. She’s made some snippy comments about the wedding which we are fully paying for.
Cut to this week and she messaged him to ask that we go early to collect the children’s Easter eggs because they are going to aforementioned holiday destination, and she is driving up.
Am I right to be annoyed at her? Should I start the discussion or just leave it?

OP posts:

thegrain · 08/04/2023 20:09

Cut to this week and she messaged him to ask that we go early to collect the children’s Easter eggs because they are going to aforementioned holiday destination, and she is driving up. and not sure why you think this has anything to do with it.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/04/2023 20:10

"Surprise! You get to leave your home, stay somewhere else at a time you weren't consulted on, and babysit our kids for free the entire time."

And you wonder why she's pissed off.

GreenClock · 08/04/2023 20:12

MiL is right to be cheesed off, no matter how well-meaning your fiancé’s idea was. He needs to say sorry and wait for it to blow over.

Wolfinthehouse · 08/04/2023 20:17

I would also be really pissed off if I agreed to look after 2 kids for a few days at home only to have a week long "holiday" sprung on me with them. Everyone knows a holiday with your own kids can be stressful let alone a holiday with someone else's!

At least if your baby sitting in your kids usual environment the kids are less likely to miss their parents etc.

I'd apologise and move on, not start a whole new argument.

Confusion101 · 08/04/2023 20:20

Agree with everyone else. Ye are being unreasonable to have booked something without asking her first. I would defo be more comfortable minding children in either their house or my house. A 3rd location, even if I have been there a few times with them before, is absolute hardship! Hopefully this is an easy fix if ye can cancel the booking and ask her if she is still OK to mind them?

Side note, I also think YABU to mention ye are paying for your wedding in full as it has nothing to do with anything.

Beantag · 08/04/2023 20:28

Your MIL isn't the unreasonable one, its one of those situations where whilst I'm more than sure your DH booked it because he thought it would be nice and well recieved he should have asked. There's a world of difference of looking after children away from your home even if the place is familiar- usually their parents (you) are also there after all. Also lots of people aren't comfortable driving other children about. She's doing a massive favour looking after them, fair enough if she's annoyed. Also not sure on the issue with easter, she's brought presents and doesn't want them to miss out.

MelchiorsMistress · 08/04/2023 20:33

Your MIL is right that it should have been discussed with her! Your DH doesn’t get to decide that she’s going away just because it suits him. She is owed an apology.

Marchintospring · 08/04/2023 20:41

I concur with everyone else. I hardly ever do that so you are defo BU.

Echobelly · 08/04/2023 20:51

I think it was presumptious to book somewhere else without asking them, it is effectively making more work for MIL and asking her to be looking after kids from somewhere unfamiliar when she was expecting it to be at home.

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 20:51

I hate disingenuous posts like this. You're unreasonable for the very fact that you don't even understand what your problem is, op.

JKTrolling · 08/04/2023 20:51

with the wedding and the honeymoon none of the attention is on her. So she decided to have a melt down to make it all about her. She’s a brat.

B0g · 08/04/2023 20:52

What is ‘the discussion’? Their choice of Easter holiday has nothing to do with expecting them to provide childcare for you in the same location.

The final nail in the coffin how? Does that mean you’ll pay for childcare instead?

Climbles · 08/04/2023 20:56

He should have discussed it with her but why is she losing it and shouting at him? Sounds like a weird family dynamic

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 08/04/2023 20:56

JKTrolling · 08/04/2023 20:51

with the wedding and the honeymoon none of the attention is on her. So she decided to have a melt down to make it all about her. She’s a brat.

In what way? She offered to have the , it doesn't mean OP and partner can just decide that will be on a surprise trip.

Flowerly · 08/04/2023 20:56

Booking a holiday in this way is really poor form. Who even does this? I feel rather sorry for your MIL.

MumOf2workOptions · 08/04/2023 20:58

I'm guessing MIL wanted them at her house??
You should have checked with her before making plans on her behalf.
As for joining them if your doing that you may aswell have just had a family holiday in the first place!!!!

Just go with your kids

niugboo · 08/04/2023 20:59

Of course you are!!

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 08/04/2023 21:02

Please tell me if I'm wrong but...

She said she would have them?

Your husband has booked a holiday without her knowing and expects her to just come to look after the kids and be to be okay with this?

She's also tagging along on your honeymoon?

She probably wanted to have the kids at hers (which is a big enough favour anyway).

You're being unreasonable. And so is your husband.

Ridiculous.

BungleandGeorge · 08/04/2023 21:03

I can’t really understand what your plans are. He’s booked a shared apartment for a week starting a week after the wedding. That’s not a honeymoon is it? Surely MIL was expecting you to take a few days together directly after the wedding. She offered so that you could have a honeymoon together and he’s booked an apartment for all of you without asking her. A honeymoon isn’t taking all the family up to Scotland in a people carrier, would you just drop them off with no transport?

MelsMoneyTree · 08/04/2023 21:13

Your DP was out of line. And I can't quite believe anyone would spend money on accommodation for someone without checking with them first. Did your DP have a different end game here? Eg did he want to go there for the honeymoon and thought if he booked it, MIL would complain and you'd both have to go too.

Riverlee · 08/04/2023 21:15

if I was mil, I would assume they were staying at my house also.

ThereIbledit · 08/04/2023 21:19

I'd be thrown if I thought I was having children at my house for 2-3 nights and it turned into a week and on holiday, too.

Your DH needs to talk it through with his mum and make it right with her.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 08/04/2023 21:22

Just because someone offers to do something doesn’t mean you decide everything for them. I have a relative who is really bad at booking things without consulting. I get from your pov you did what you thought was nice but it’s not a good feeling to have things decided for you without consulting you.

RideACockHorseToSunburyCross · 08/04/2023 21:25

"She tells him that he should have discussed it with her and that it is unreasonable of us to expect her to drive them up there."

And she's right. Who the fuck does he think he is? She's already doing you a favour and now he springs this on her.

Skye85 · 08/04/2023 21:32

Your wrong to be annoyed at her. There's a massive between looking after 2 kids in the comfort of your own home to taking them on holiday.

He should have asked her first.

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