MIL refusing to take the children for our honeymoon.

[Mamacita7]

Just want to preface this by making it clear I didn’t ask her to take the children, she offered.
We get married in July this year. We have two daughters who will be 9 & 6 then. My MIL very kindly offered to take the girls so we could get away by ourselves after the wedding. She has only ever had them over night once and if I’m honest I didn’t think she would actually take them. We holiday with them every year to a place in Scotland and have done since the eldest was born. We get separate apartments and I stay with the children when they go to bed to allow my fiancé and his dad some quality time at night.
About three weeks ago my fiancé informs us all that he has booked a luxury apartment in said place costing £££ for them and the girls to go away a week after the wedding. This allows us time to maybe get a few days away and join them during the rest of the week. His mother loses her mind. She tells him that he should have discussed it with her and that it is unreasonable of us to expect her to drive them up there. She was shouting at him. For context, it’s a two hour drive and we hadn’t discussed who was taking them. We have a people carrier so would have taken them all up. I am upset at the way she spoke to him and it’s the final nail in the coffin. She’s made some snippy comments about the wedding which we are fully paying for.
Cut to this week and she messaged him to ask that we go early to collect the children’s Easter eggs because they are going to aforementioned holiday destination, and she is driving up.
Am I right to be annoyed at her? Should I start the discussion or just leave it?

She’s effectively taking someone else’s kids on holiday though, I’d be miffed too.

Entertaining kids on holiday is way more stressful than in your/their own home. Whilst well intentioned it was thoughtless not to talk to mil first.

You could try reading the replies. WHich are basically all saying the same as you.

So 'MN' of you. Turns out you aren't cleverer than everyone else.

I can’t understand. I’ve thought you are going on honeymoon and your kids stay with MIL in her house or in your house (whatever she prefers) , it will be the normal arrangement, I’m not surprised that your MIL is upset and not happy about the plan.

YABU. I'd be pretty pissed off if I offered to babysit only to be told I had to actually take the kids on a holiday! I'd want to be at home

Is she still willing to look after children at her home?

It's definitely harder looking after DCs on holiday, you can't take so many of their usual toys or distractions etc and your MIL might have her own things to do at home whilst looking after your DDs. Perhaps she had already planned out some nice things to do with them in her home. You have to make more effort to fill days when on holiday than you do at home.

Perhaps her reaction is more fear of having to entertain them away from their (and her) home comforts, and being as it's already booked, there might be costs involved with cancelling which she feels bad about incurring even though the situation is not of her making.

Quality time for your fiance and his dad, quality time ( honeymoon) for you and your fiance.

Massively taking for granted the good will of his mum.

Thoughtless of all of you and a way to burn bridges with childcare so not a clever way to start married life is it?

No one has said that... what a weird response

Yabu, she said she’d have them for a few days to let you get away, and you booked a week away at a resort two hours away, without asking? That’s insane tbh.

It sounds like a lovely idea of your partner to arrange, especially as it’s a place your children know well. I understand his mum though, she maybe wasn’t expecting to watch the children for so long and might prefer to do it in her house or yours.

I'm confused

Booking a week away without checking is odd, as others have said it’s different looking after kids in a different place. But having said that, it sounds like she overreacted, there was no reason to lose it over a misjudged but well meaning gesture.

Sounds like the context is that your relationship with her is pretty strained. I’d take a step back and chat with your fiancé before either of you launch back in to the fray with her.

Is this like a weird reverse. Of course you can't just go and book a holiday place wihtout any discussion and expect inlaws to look after the kids there.

Yes, of course he should have discussed it with her first. Yabu.

I don't get how it's well meaning tbh. It's more - we want to go there so are booking you in with the kids too without asking you because we control you.

What if she wanted them at home. Of course you can't just book her a holiday without asking her.

She's probably going to be stressed watching your children nevermind the extra added stress of the holiday and activities/feeding and other things she will have to sort😂

It was really stupid to book time away for your mother-in-law without consulting her first. Who does that?

I think you've bombed on this.

This is very odd. Did you know your fiancé was going to do this? Do you want to spend part of your honeymoon with ILS?

MIL is entitled to be cross that this has all been arranged behind her back.

She could look after them in her own home. You should have asked her first.

I definitely wouldn’t recommend opening up a new line of communication with MIL to complain about your grievances. No one will thank you for it.

You guys ultimately overcomplicated the original plan, although I understand it was probably coming from a good place.

Actually it does have shades of this. Everyone gets what they want on MIL's labour.

This is a fail on your partner. She's done nothing wrong, I wouldn't be happy for someone to arrange a surprise trip for me if I'm looking after their kids. You both should apologise to her.

Yes and without MIL being consulted. I feel sorry for her.