MIL refusing to take the children for our honeymoon.

[Mamacita7]

Just want to preface this by making it clear I didn’t ask her to take the children, she offered.
We get married in July this year. We have two daughters who will be 9 & 6 then. My MIL very kindly offered to take the girls so we could get away by ourselves after the wedding. She has only ever had them over night once and if I’m honest I didn’t think she would actually take them. We holiday with them every year to a place in Scotland and have done since the eldest was born. We get separate apartments and I stay with the children when they go to bed to allow my fiancé and his dad some quality time at night.
About three weeks ago my fiancé informs us all that he has booked a luxury apartment in said place costing £££ for them and the girls to go away a week after the wedding. This allows us time to maybe get a few days away and join them during the rest of the week. His mother loses her mind. She tells him that he should have discussed it with her and that it is unreasonable of us to expect her to drive them up there. She was shouting at him. For context, it’s a two hour drive and we hadn’t discussed who was taking them. We have a people carrier so would have taken them all up. I am upset at the way she spoke to him and it’s the final nail in the coffin. She’s made some snippy comments about the wedding which we are fully paying for.
Cut to this week and she messaged him to ask that we go early to collect the children’s Easter eggs because they are going to aforementioned holiday destination, and she is driving up.
Am I right to be annoyed at her? Should I start the discussion or just leave it?

Yep, she had very right to be angry about that. What a cheek of your fiancé and it sounds like he didn’t even discuss it with you before he booked it either. Also it is not for you to get involved in a disagreement between you r fiancé and his mother.

Not "take" as in to take them on holiday. "Take" as in "take them from us to look after."

Some years ago my in laws booked a cruise for them and my (and my partner's at the time) daughters without consulting us. When we said they were out of order they said we should be grateful that they wanted to spend so much money on an experience such as a cruise for them. We told them they weren't going and that they were just entitled. Didn't speak to us for some time.

These folks should have been consulted.

YABU

How old were the daughters?

Sorry I don’t understand any of this. How would MIL be looking after your children or not? Where? In fancy apartment or your usual holiday place? How is she now refusing? What have Easter eggs got to do with it? Is she looking after them on her own? Or with F.I.L? Am I just dense?

Why did you refuse to let your children go on a cruise with their grandparents?

How odd to veto this because they were entitled.

The idea of a honeymoon when you have children together is a bit daft.

Your psrtner should have checked with his mum before booking.

What if the children drown in a pool? Or fall off the deck into the sea?

Most parents would want to supervise their children themselves on a cruise,

I agree with this.

Why would grandparents stand by and let this happen, while the parents wouldn't? 🤣
Anyway, @MeAndMyKatzen cited the grandparent's entitlement as the reason she stopped them going, not safety concerns.

Because many parents do worry about their children being abroad without them and I imagine those fears can be magnified when the children are aboard a ship!

The DGPs do have an entitlement issue though, who books a cruise for someone else’s children without asking the parents first?!

I can see why your fiance thought it would be a nice thing to do, as you said they've holidayed with you there before, but perhaps he should have checked first. Your MIL sounds like she's overreacting and is being deliberately difficult, perhaps she doesnt like not being in control. I don't think you are being unreasonable by being peeved off, but my advice would be to not let it blow up and find a resolution, you are marrying into this family and will have to get along, so try and keep the peace. Maybe take the kids with you and leave the grandparents at home, you'll probably have a better time. Good luck!

@Highlyflavouredgravy The idea of a honeymoon when you have children together is a bit daft.

Why!? I'd go as far as saying they are even more deserving of a honeymoon as they probably rarely get quality couple time or holidays that aren't largely child centred.

A bit like most parents of young children?

@ReadersD1gest absolutely!!!! 100%. I'm just saying I hate this narrative of "you have kids, you don't deserve a honeymoon, go away on a family holiday". I strongly disagree with that. Plenty of time for a lifetime of family holidays. Surely every couple deserves a honeymoon (and/or any few days away together that's not a honeymoon) regardless of family structure. Sorry for derailing the thread, to be fair @Highlyflavouredgravy was the only person I saw mention it but just said I'd ask why!

It's healthy to go away on your own if you have a willing babysitter, whether you've got married or not. DH and I had 2 nights away last year and it was properly restorative. We also did 3 trips with DS.

“The last nail on the coffin”. No wonder why she’s mad. What a hard work you are! I wouldn’t be happy for my son to be marrying someone like you.

This.

I think his heart was in the right place but basically he's a bit of a thoughtless knob.
He should've discussed it first and I'd be concerned as to why you can't see that.
As a grandma with grand children of similar age, I plan meticulously for visits; my grandchildren often visit for 1-2 weeks. I have lots of activities, ideas, plans for free activities/treats/ back up for bad weather and this would throw a huge spanner in the works.
If it was a plan that was discussed, I'd be grateful for the offer and certainly give it serious thought but the extra drive would be a consideration with kids in tow- and totally different to doing it alone or with other adults.
YABVU