Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum taken stepdaughters birthday present.

223 replies

Whybotherwithaname · 07/04/2023 22:45

Name changed as outing and posting for traffic.

Late last year it was my stepdaughters 16th birthday. Her main present from DH and I was a Tiffany necklace - the standard dog tag pendant one - she loved it and wore it every day until around Christmas. Since then she's not worn it - no big deal at all, however, tonight over dinner she said her mum has taken the necklace and wears it everyday, has done since the start of the year. She said she has asked for it back several times but said her mum made a joke saying now you know how frustrating it is when you use my makeup and trainers. She says she sleeps with it on so can't just take it back and has given up.

I feel sad about it to be honest. What do you think can be done about this? It's not right to have her special birthday present taken away from her like this.

OP posts:
PaigeMatthews · 07/04/2023 22:46

Get you dh to ask her for it back.

Original poster
Whybotherwithaname · 07/04/2023 22:47

PaigeMatthews · 07/04/2023 22:46

Get you dh to ask her for it back.

Sorry, I thought I had added that in my OP. DH text her tonight about it and her response was "lol" then no further response.

OP posts:
HappinessDragon · 07/04/2023 22:48

Can he not pick the phone up and call her? Or ask her in person?

Luredbyapomegranate · 07/04/2023 22:50

Is she normally like this? It’s utterly bizarre.

DP needs to go round and get cross.

thistimelastweek · 07/04/2023 22:51

I'm kind of thinking this is between stepdaughter and her mother.

ArcticSkewer · 07/04/2023 22:53

Mum sounds a bit shit. I guess this is not unexpected news.

Can your sd move in with you and just visit her mum if she's a bit odd?

Original poster
Whybotherwithaname · 07/04/2023 22:53

Luredbyapomegranate · 07/04/2023 22:50

Is she normally like this? It’s utterly bizarre.

DP needs to go round and get cross.

Hmm not really to be honest.

DH has text her but she replied with lol then didn't respond when he messaged back to say it's wrong of her to take someone else's birthday present, especially her daughters.

She is never around for drop off - she makes herself scarce, but due to previous issues between her and DH, he prefers it that way.

I have no contact with her so it's not something I could get involved in even if I wanted to.

OP posts:
SkyandSurf · 07/04/2023 23:01

Stay out of it. It's between mother and daughter.

She's 16 she's going to realise her mothers own shortcomings by now and that's her journey to go on. Don't fan the flames just be there for her.

If she really misses it then you know what to get her for her next birthday.

determinedtomakethiswork · 07/04/2023 23:17

Someone could easily reduce child support and buy her another one.

tara66 · 07/04/2023 23:38

As it was a dog tag pendant you should have had her name engraved on it - then mother would be less inclined to steal it.

PippaF2 · 07/04/2023 23:45

How volatile is this woman?

Could step-daughter hide her car keys and tell her she'll give them back when she hands the necklace over? 😌or is Mum likely to go on the rampage and start stomping off to her bedroom and grabbing her stuff?

How about just walking in when she's in the shower and swipping it off the side? She probably doesn't shower with it on....

Guess depends on whether this woman is just making a point and this is all meant to be teaching SD a lesson, or whether she's genuinely a bit unhinged....

HeckyPeck · 07/04/2023 23:59

That's so awful of her.

Could your DSD ask for it back infront of another family member, maybe a grandparent on her mum's side if they are nice people? Hopefully it would embarrass her into giving it back.

If reasoning with her fails and your DH pays maintenance through a private agreement, he could message her saying if she doesn't give back the necklace she stole, he'll deduct the cost of a replacement necklace from maintenance payments.

DoingUp · 08/04/2023 00:17

If she's not usually likely to do something like this, could it be it's not true? That would explain the lol.

BartsLongLostBro · 08/04/2023 00:22

The DD would take it back if she was bothered.

MrsDoylesDoily · 08/04/2023 00:30

determinedtomakethiswork · 07/04/2023 23:17

Someone could easily reduce child support and buy her another one.

What a ridiculous suggestion.

Like bills don't have to be paid and food bought.

MrsDoylesDoily · 08/04/2023 00:31

BartsLongLostBro · 08/04/2023 00:22

The DD would take it back if she was bothered.

I'm wondering if the DD has swapped it with her mum for something else, or perhaps just doesn't want to say she's grown bored of it.

She's 16 and fashion can come and go fast at that age.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 08/04/2023 00:32

MrsDoylesDoily · 08/04/2023 00:30

What a ridiculous suggestion.

Like bills don't have to be paid and food bought.

Show quote history

Shouldn’t steal from your child then!

LilQueenie · 08/04/2023 00:32

BartsLongLostBro · 08/04/2023 00:22

The DD would take it back if she was bothered.

How? by ripping it off her neck

TomatoSandwiches · 08/04/2023 00:33

She's 16, could she move in with you guys, the mother sounds disgusting.

TheCentreSlide · 08/04/2023 00:33

Tell DD to sneak in when the horrible woman is asleep and unclasp it. Then hide it and maybe keep it at yours.

Mrsherdwick · 08/04/2023 00:34

I couldn’t imagine stealing from your own child. What a vile woman.

Iyjd · 08/04/2023 00:35

Poor kid! I agree with the child support comment if it is a private arrangement, keep the amount for the necklace, if she doesn’t question it then you can just replace it, if she does then explain it will be paid when it is returned. It’s the mums decision to keep the necklace.

MrsDoylesDoily · 08/04/2023 00:37

DifficultBloodyWoman · 08/04/2023 00:32

Shouldn’t steal from your child then!

Show quote history

Yeah cos scoring points over a fashion necklace is way more important than keeping a roof over her head and food in her stomach 🙄

DifficultBloodyWoman · 08/04/2023 00:41

MrsDoylesDoily · 08/04/2023 00:37

Yeah cos scoring points over a fashion necklace is way more important than keeping a roof over her head and food in her stomach 🙄

Show quote history

Return the necklace, child support is reinstated. Easy fix. 🙄

TheCentreSlide · 08/04/2023 00:41

Well, this is theft. You could call the non emergency police number and see what they say.

The level of nastiness this exposes in the relationship between mother and daughter is pretty sickening.