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Original poster

Mum taken stepdaughters birthday present.

223 replies

Whybotherwithaname · 07/04/2023 22:45

Name changed as outing and posting for traffic.

Late last year it was my stepdaughters 16th birthday. Her main present from DH and I was a Tiffany necklace - the standard dog tag pendant one - she loved it and wore it every day until around Christmas. Since then she's not worn it - no big deal at all, however, tonight over dinner she said her mum has taken the necklace and wears it everyday, has done since the start of the year. She said she has asked for it back several times but said her mum made a joke saying now you know how frustrating it is when you use my makeup and trainers. She says she sleeps with it on so can't just take it back and has given up.

I feel sad about it to be honest. What do you think can be done about this? It's not right to have her special birthday present taken away from her like this.

OP posts:
toxic44 · 09/04/2023 22:13

My mother took things of mine that she liked and wouldn't return them. Her argument was that because she was my mother she had first rights to anything I was given or bought for myself. As a teenager it is hugely frustrating because there is nothing one can do about it. I still resent it, many years on.

Original poster
Whybotherwithaname · 09/04/2023 22:32

Update:

Dsd phoned to say when she got home, the necklace was on top of her drawers. Nothing was said by her mum, she's just glad she's got it back.

We're going to contact Tiffany to see if we can get the necklace engraved by them at this stage, or did it have to be at time of purchase.

Just glad the necklace is back where it belongs.

OP posts:
JenniferBooth · 09/04/2023 22:33

I wonder if her mum has seen this thread

thegrain · 09/04/2023 22:36

JenniferBooth · 09/04/2023 22:33

I wonder if her mum has seen this thread

Nah mum just realised she was being a cow about it

321user123 · 09/04/2023 22:38

Whybotherwithaname · 09/04/2023 22:32

Update:

Dsd phoned to say when she got home, the necklace was on top of her drawers. Nothing was said by her mum, she's just glad she's got it back.

We're going to contact Tiffany to see if we can get the necklace engraved by them at this stage, or did it have to be at time of purchase.

Just glad the necklace is back where it belongs.

Glad to hear that OP.
Just hope DSD doesn’t get “repercussions” for shaming the mom..

Fluff3 · 09/04/2023 23:01

Has you or your husband actully seen her mum wearing the necklace ?, because if you havent, how can you accuse her of stealimg it ?. It could be that your sd has lost the necklace, having a 16 year old daughter myself I know this does happen, and told you that because she didnt want you to know the truth, because she realised it was expensive. Maybe the "lol" from her mum following the text, was her mum knowing the truth, but not wanting to tell you out of promising her daughter she wouldnt. You cant accuse people of doing things without knowing the full facts. Without seeming rude, the fact she isnt wearing it anymore seems to be bothering you more than it bothers your sd, if it was that big a deal to her, she would of told you or her dad, that her mum had stolen her necklace and not have to be asked.

JenniferBooth · 09/04/2023 23:09

Wow thats some mental gymnastics there. Basically saying that she must be lying by dint of being a teen while the mum cant be lying by dint of being her bio mum.

adamski99 · 10/04/2023 00:01

This...

At the very least she is shit stirring. I think its got nothing to do with the necklace and she is just trying to provoke a reaction.

Gross tbh but if it IS this the best way to deal with it is (if you can afford it) to simply let it pass and buy a new one (and have DSD keep it at your place)

Sickening that someone would use their own child as a pawn in this way but as my DF used to say 'there's nowt so queer as folk'.

CrazyLadie · 10/04/2023 00:15

Mrsgreen100 · 09/04/2023 20:40

The poor girl she has to live with her mother, drop it , it will just make her life more difficult.
I have just been defrauded by my ex partner of 25 years he had been stealing from me for years , including a very large sum I had stashed away for my 20 year old .
the police have enough on him to arrest him
but I have seen the effect of knowing who her father really is has had a con man and a thief
it’s easy to see the right and wrong of these
things
but ultimately it’s about the wellbeing of the child , making great plans to get back the necklace or it’s vaule is just going to cause more pain
drop it

The daughter asked her Dad to get it back for her

sashh · 10/04/2023 01:42

MrsDoylesDoily · 08/04/2023 00:37

Yeah cos scoring points over a fashion necklace is way more important than keeping a roof over her head and food in her stomach 🙄

Show quote history

You realise it's a £500+ gift don't you?

OnlyOpenMouthToChangeFeet · 10/04/2023 06:33

Whybotherwithaname · 09/04/2023 22:32

Update:

Dsd phoned to say when she got home, the necklace was on top of her drawers. Nothing was said by her mum, she's just glad she's got it back.

We're going to contact Tiffany to see if we can get the necklace engraved by them at this stage, or did it have to be at time of purchase.

Just glad the necklace is back where it belongs.

Any decent jeweller locally will be able to engrave it for you, and probably at far less cost. Glad she got it back!

Complexneedsmum · 10/04/2023 07:00

I would just personally buy her another one. It’s frustrating and you shouldn’t have to put it’s not her fault and she has tried to get it back.

I would be having deeper discussions though. Like is she happy/feels safe living with mum and letting her know she can always come and stay with you.

Ohhoho · 10/04/2023 09:00

This is so bad there is obviously something else going on. Your husband, her ex, has bought their daughter a present that she wishes had been bought for her by him. Dangerous waters, not carelessness, damage. She feels owed. People who steal usually do. To an extent she is jealous of her daughter getting such a lovely present.
it is beastly of the mother to do this. And very stupid. She sounds like a hurt damaged woman. Those heart tags from Tiffany are expensive, it’s theft. Time for your husband to be very assertive.

sevenbyseven · 10/04/2023 09:34

sashh · 10/04/2023 01:42

You realise it's a £500+ gift don't you?

Show quote history

It was £240.

familyissues12345 · 10/04/2023 09:59

Disgustipated · 09/04/2023 19:18

Years ago I had the same. I gave dsd a Ruby pendant for her 16th. Later I saw her wearing it at her prom and said it was lovely she’d worn it. She said she’d borrowed it from her mum. I reminded gently I’d got it for her 16th, she was blank and repeated it was definitely her mums. It was awkward!
I was 100% sure, it was distinctive and it was a clear photo- plus she was under the impression I’d given her nothing!
In the end I let it go for the greater peace.

Wow that's weird @Disgustipated ? How could she forget who gave her a gift, wasn't it also the birthday in the same year as he prom (assuming it was end of yr 11)?

Did the gift get given to her mum to give to her on her birthday?

Sad that she thinks you didn't give her anything Sad

TremulousD · 10/04/2023 10:07

sevenbyseven · 10/04/2023 09:34

It was £240.

Show quote history

I think the 'confusion' over the price of the necklace is because in her opening post, the OP describes it as 'a Tiffany necklace - the standard dog tag pendant one'. These are marketed by Tiffany on its own website as costing £530.

In a later post the OP then says it's a 'heart pendant' costing £240.

The OP has now posted and effectively ended the story.

sevenbyseven · 10/04/2023 10:20

TremulousD · 10/04/2023 10:07

I think the 'confusion' over the price of the necklace is because in her opening post, the OP describes it as 'a Tiffany necklace - the standard dog tag pendant one'. These are marketed by Tiffany on its own website as costing £530.

In a later post the OP then says it's a 'heart pendant' costing £240.

The OP has now posted and effectively ended the story.

Show quote history

I took that to mean one of the "Return to Tiffany" heart tag necklaces (which it did). Not sure why the leap to assume £500. Anyway,, like you said, the OP has confirmed it was £240.

T1Dmama · 10/04/2023 10:42

determinedtomakethiswork · 07/04/2023 23:17

Someone could easily reduce child support and buy her another one.

^ This ^

Deduct the amount from next months child maintenance and buy her another one. Maybe keep it at yours though .. or even better ask the step daughter if she’d like to live with adults that don’t steal from
her! When the ex texts and asks why her maintenance is missing a huge chunk respond ‘lol’ then ignore! (Not really.. 😂… just simply say “amount deducted to replace necklace you will fully stole!”
The mother sounds horrible. How bizarre that she’d want to wear something bought by her ex and his new wife!!

T1Dmama · 10/04/2023 10:44

In fact maybe DH should text her and say “step mother chose that necklace, great that you live her taste so much!” 😂

T1Dmama · 10/04/2023 11:30

Sorry seen updates. Glad she got it back off her mother.
Maybe step daughter now needs to leave it at yours or lock it away somewhere.

JenniferBooth · 10/04/2023 13:07

Did the gift get given to her mum to give to her on her birthday

Thats what i thought when i read that post.

LBFseBrom · 10/04/2023 13:30

Did the gift get given.....
:-)
That's hilarious.
...............

I'm glad it's sorted, op.

RachaelN · 10/04/2023 16:38

What an awful thing for her own mother to do. She will soon realise what type of person she is. It is jealousy on the mother's part. Very pathetic behaviour.

Amy3500 · 10/04/2023 16:59

The first thing I thought when I read this was a memory of a friend’s parents quizzing me about a necklace when I was 17 and feeling really confused. Turned out my friend had lost a special necklace and to cover herself told her parents I had asked to wear it and liked it so much I hadn’t given it back. Could something similar have happened or she didn’t like it and gave it to her mum?

LBFseBrom · 10/04/2023 22:19

RachaelN · 10/04/2023 16:38

What an awful thing for her own mother to do. She will soon realise what type of person she is. It is jealousy on the mother's part. Very pathetic behaviour.

We don't know that! The mother obviously borrowed the necklace and hung on to it longer than the op and husband would have liked but they should not have put the girl on the spot by quizzing her about it and mum did give it back. She may not have borrowed it for long, I can't remember if op said. I wouldn't have thought a grown woman would want to go around wearing a heart necklace but no accounting for taste. However it's over now.

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