Mum taken stepdaughters birthday present.

[Whybotherwithaname]

Name changed as outing and posting for traffic.

Late last year it was my stepdaughters 16th birthday. Her main present from DH and I was a Tiffany necklace - the standard dog tag pendant one - she loved it and wore it every day until around Christmas. Since then she's not worn it - no big deal at all, however, tonight over dinner she said her mum has taken the necklace and wears it everyday, has done since the start of the year. She said she has asked for it back several times but said her mum made a joke saying now you know how frustrating it is when you use my makeup and trainers. She says she sleeps with it on so can't just take it back and has given up.

I feel sad about it to be honest. What do you think can be done about this? It's not right to have her special birthday present taken away from her like this.

Child support is there to support a child's life and upbringing. It is unconditional and should never be used as a bargaining tool between warring parents.

Any chance your DSD gave it as a present to her mum because she forgot her birthday or something, (or lost it and her mum happens to have the same one) and is telling porkies to cover up?

Unlikely the mum would have just said lol then

I would clarify with mum that it is actually dds necklace. If mum has taken it I would replace it using the child support.

I'm not so sure. Depends what the husband texted in the first place and if the ex thought the dad knew about DD giving the gift.
It's easy to misjudge tone and content if actually you are not working from a shared understanding of context.

Has the daughter stopped stealing her mum's stuff now?

Usually, I would agree. But in this case, I don’t. Stealing a birthday present (from your daughter!!!) is wrong. So is withholding maintenance (or, more accurately in this case, threatening to make a deduction). But linking the two could solve the problem quickly and easily.

but said her mum made a joke saying now you know how frustrating it is when you use my makeup and trainers

I think before you do anything further about the necklace, this needs investigating. It's a big if, but if SD does help herself to her mum's things, spills her makeup or 'borrows' it but somehow always forgets to give it back, if she takes the trainers without asking and perhaps when mum wants to use them, then this may be consequences.

I's do a bit more digging if I were you, before you (or DH) go in all guns blazing demanding the necklace back.

Three sides to every story - yours, theirs and the truth.

Not saying the SD is lying - I know someone who’s ex would have done something like this. The mum could well be an unhinged narcissist hence the lol

Buuuuuuuttttt…. She could also know/have a different story and know her daughter wouldn’t tell dad an accurate one hence the lol

Further investigation is definitely needed.

Wouldn't be legal though. You run the risk of CMS starting enforcement proceedings

Depends whether they go through CMS or not.

Also, not legal to steal, not even from your own daughter. Runs the risk of police being called.

I think you’re being a bit daft.

Step daughter didn’t wear it anymore and her mum wanted it and she let her.

A daughter letting her mum wear her stuff is a completely normal thing and there is no doubt that if she really really wanted it back that she would give it to her.

Even if the mum didn’t give it her back, it’s not going anywhere. It’s not consumable.

The special (to you, not step daughter) necklace is on someone’s neck and that’s better than in the back of the drawer.

And! A text is a cop out. He should have waited until he saw her with it on and commented then.

Leave it for the mother and daughter to figure out.
Mum is showing her true colours.
The girl is sixteen so will be able to choose where to live soon.
The necklace is perhaps not as attractive now that her mother has been wearing it.

In the coming years see if the daughter would like to choose another necklace or piece of jewellery. Maybe one in the shape of the letters of her name or whatever.

It's between the two of them. Just make clear she's welcome to move in full time with you any time.

Wow. A 16 year old taking her mums makeup is normal. A mum taking her dd jewellery is not.

FrumptyMumpty · Today 05:01

Step daughter didn’t wear it anymore and her mum wanted it and she let her.

It doesn't say that at all. It says that the mother has taken it and refuses to return it.

Tell his ex that you'll be buying her another out of her maintenance unless she gives it back.

As someone said upthread dsds side, dms side and the truth. Noone on here knows the actual story nor do you, we weren't there. CS is helping to pay the bills that dsd benefits from in her home, so it's pointless stopping that.
Does dsd want to reside with her df and you?

It’s possible you don’t have the full story, and the ‘lol’ might be in response to your dp going in guns blazing accusing his ex of theft when there’s a simple explanation. His dd might have felt awkward and slightly embellished the truth. Or not - but I think for the dd’s sake, try to make light of it and hopefully it will sort itself out.

DIY but df didn't go in 'all guns blazing' he send two flimsy, cop out texts rather than actually talking to his ex and getting her account of things in a calm and measured way.

Maybe the mum said Lol because your SD is lying.

My uncles ex wife was like this, in the end we stopped buying anything for dniece as her mum would just take it.

It's really weird and dniece, who is now an adult, has loads of issues due I feel to her mothers selfish behaviour.

Frustrating and concerning but I think you have done your best as a step mum and can’t really do anymore. Mum may have done it on purpose to provoke a reaction or for some other weird reason because it’s a piece of jewellery from you DH and her ex. I think you just have to let it go and feel frustrated from a distance unfortunately.

I think I'd call the non emergency police number. Its theft. Your husband has the receipts that show he bought it. She has it. They may only need to make a quick phonecall.

If that doesn't work, then your husband needs to go to her house and get it off her. Vile woman. How disgusting.

I don't think there is anything wrong with your stepdaughter's mother borrowing the necklace but wearing it all the time - even in bed - is bizarre! Surely she has jewellery of her own or if she likes that particular piece so much, could buy one for herself. I just looked online and didn't realise they were so expensive so maybe she can't afford one but still should return it.

Stepdaughter needs to seriously confront her mum about this and demand it back. She would be within her rights, it is hers after all.

Or maybe the story isn't quite how it has been presented to you.