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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum taken stepdaughters birthday present.

223 replies

Whybotherwithaname · 07/04/2023 22:45

Name changed as outing and posting for traffic.

Late last year it was my stepdaughters 16th birthday. Her main present from DH and I was a Tiffany necklace - the standard dog tag pendant one - she loved it and wore it every day until around Christmas. Since then she's not worn it - no big deal at all, however, tonight over dinner she said her mum has taken the necklace and wears it everyday, has done since the start of the year. She said she has asked for it back several times but said her mum made a joke saying now you know how frustrating it is when you use my makeup and trainers. She says she sleeps with it on so can't just take it back and has given up.

I feel sad about it to be honest. What do you think can be done about this? It's not right to have her special birthday present taken away from her like this.

OP posts:
LizzieW1969 · 08/04/2023 13:45

Yes they could point that out, but, according to some, that would be overstepping. But surely there will be presents that the mum herself has given her that she could use to teach that lesson with, not something the dad and stepmum have spent their money on for her.

flutterbyebaby · 08/04/2023 13:45

Viviennemary · 08/04/2023 11:30

That is abusive and spiteful behaviour. It would make me wonder what other cruelty and nastiness is going on. I think your DH should apply for full custody. This girl should not be under the csre of this awful woman.

How ridiculous, could there not be another reason rather than mum being an out an out thief, someone like you would probably have her tarred and feathered without proof too!

MrsToothyBitch · 08/04/2023 13:45

It is a harsh thing to do but given her mum's comment, it might be a last resort. Perhaps the DSD will get her necklace back when she in turn replaces or returns the makeup and trainers. I'd be very interested in what her mum has to say about these.

I certainly wouldn't appreciate my nice things being appropriated by my teenager. Perhaps the mum is at the end of her rope and has found actions more useful than words. I would never have dared to "take" my mum's stuff. I could ask for loans of items but they were hers and I respected that. She never took things of mine without asking either. Hope you get to the bottom of it and Dsd gets her necklace back eventually OP but I would ask about the comments first.

flutterbyebaby · 08/04/2023 13:49

LizzieW1969 · 08/04/2023 13:45

Yes they could point that out, but, according to some, that would be overstepping. But surely there will be presents that the mum herself has given her that she could use to teach that lesson with, not something the dad and stepmum have spent their money on for her.

What if she was mistreating the object confiscated though? I was useless looking after jewellery when I was younger, especially earring that would get left where I'd planted them. I hate to admit it but I lost my Great Grandma's wedding ring at 15 that I'd been left, luckily my mother hoovered it up, it got confiscated until I was 30 then

JenniferBooth · 08/04/2023 13:59

@LizzieW1969 Yep If it was a STEP mum who had done this there wouldnt be any excuses made.

Asking for it back in front of grandparents is a good idea. I also think she has just taken it because she wants it,

TremulousD · 08/04/2023 14:00

£530! - I had no idea.

Myneighbourskia · 08/04/2023 14:03

Your poor SD. What a terrible mum to do that.

JenniferBooth · 08/04/2023 14:07

It could also be casually mentioned in a fb post that her mum has taken her necklace and not given it back.

buckeejit · 08/04/2023 14:48

Good idea to ask for it in front of gp. Good luck

Phonemonkey2023 · 08/04/2023 14:52

I can imagine the conversation now ..

DD ‘I don’t want to wear this necklace all the time … but OP will ask me where it is if I don’t… I might just tell her you’ve stolen it’

mum ‘haha yeah says it’s for all the time you take my makeup and my trainers’

£500 necklace for a 16 year old is ridiculous.

JKTrolling · 08/04/2023 14:55

Take something of hers and tell her she can get it back once DSD gets her necklace.

Is she always such a bitch?

BadNomad · 08/04/2023 15:03

JKTrolling · 08/04/2023 14:55

Take something of hers and tell her she can get it back once DSD gets her necklace.

Is she always such a bitch?

Like her makeup and trainers maybe?

Original poster
Whybotherwithaname · 08/04/2023 15:03

Where in my post have I said the necklace was £500?!

This is the necklace in question: £240! Yes it's more than what we would normally pay for a birthday present, but it was for her 16th.

www.tiffany.co.uk/jewelry/necklaces-pendants/return-to-tiffany-heart-tag-pendant-30971655/

OP posts:
TremulousD · 08/04/2023 15:05

Whybotherwithaname · 08/04/2023 15:03

Where in my post have I said the necklace was £500?!

This is the necklace in question: £240! Yes it's more than what we would normally pay for a birthday present, but it was for her 16th.

www.tiffany.co.uk/jewelry/necklaces-pendants/return-to-tiffany-heart-tag-pendant-30971655/

Her main present from DH and I was a Tiffany necklace - the standard dog tag pendant one

I think posters are going on this

Original poster
Whybotherwithaname · 08/04/2023 15:07

Conversation came up by dsd. No one asked her where it was. She started by saying to her dad "do you think you could ask my mum for my necklace back?" Then it went from there.

In regard to the trainers and make up. She can't possibly take her mums trainers as dsd has bigger feet than her mum (dsds words). She says she has borrowed her make up once or twice when she's ran out of her stuff but she always gives it back (but then is that the truth? I know myself I would use my mums lipstick or eyeshadow and sometimes forget to put it back). I'm not excusing her behaviour for taking make up. I did say to her if she's ran out of something, ask me or her dad and I'll get it (she uses nyx stuff) and she can do a couple extra chores, walk the dogs etc to earn it.

OP posts:
pam290358 · 08/04/2023 15:11

LizzieW1969 · 08/04/2023 13:45

Yes they could point that out, but, according to some, that would be overstepping. But surely there will be presents that the mum herself has given her that she could use to teach that lesson with, not something the dad and stepmum have spent their money on for her.

This is what I thought. Her mum could have taken back something she had bought for DD herself, but it wouldn’t be as much fun - no reaction from OP and her DH. The ‘lol’ text says a lot.

HeckyPeck · 08/04/2023 15:16

LizzieW1969 · 08/04/2023 13:37

But surely, if the DSD’s mum took the necklace from her as a consequence for borrowing her clothes without permission, the thing to do would be to confiscate it, not wear it all the time, even at night. That’s quite bizarre, childish behaviour really.

I bet that if it was the stepmum doing it, she would have had her arse handed to her. It feels like according to some posters, the SC’s mum can never be wrong.

Exactly. And keeping it for over 3 months. It's weird and doesn't fit with teaching a lesson to me.

aloris · 08/04/2023 15:19

I don't understand all the rationalizing of the mother's behavior here. This is theft of a valuable item. It is in no way similar to borrowing your mum's makeup and forgetting to give it back. It also smacks of spitefulness, taking away and keeping for oneself a special, valuable gift given to a child by her father. This is so not ok.

IncompleteSenten · 08/04/2023 16:39

aloris · 08/04/2023 15:19

I don't understand all the rationalizing of the mother's behavior here. This is theft of a valuable item. It is in no way similar to borrowing your mum's makeup and forgetting to give it back. It also smacks of spitefulness, taking away and keeping for oneself a special, valuable gift given to a child by her father. This is so not ok.

Oh that's because a stepmum is always wrong.

No matter the situation, the stepmum is wrong.

If it looks like the stepmum could possibly be approaching a position that could be considered right in any way then additional information must be invented and inserted in order to ensure the stepmum remains in the wrong.

JKTrolling · 08/04/2023 20:53

BadNomad · 08/04/2023 15:03

Like her makeup and trainers maybe?

Show quote history

If they cost the same price as the neckless then go for it babe.

HouseByTheSeaside · 09/04/2023 07:58

Whybotherwithaname · 08/04/2023 15:07

Conversation came up by dsd. No one asked her where it was. She started by saying to her dad "do you think you could ask my mum for my necklace back?" Then it went from there.

In regard to the trainers and make up. She can't possibly take her mums trainers as dsd has bigger feet than her mum (dsds words). She says she has borrowed her make up once or twice when she's ran out of her stuff but she always gives it back (but then is that the truth? I know myself I would use my mums lipstick or eyeshadow and sometimes forget to put it back). I'm not excusing her behaviour for taking make up. I did say to her if she's ran out of something, ask me or her dad and I'll get it (she uses nyx stuff) and she can do a couple extra chores, walk the dogs etc to earn it.

Op don't react to stupid comments.
Hope the Mum returns the necklace.

I think your SDs relationship with her is more worrying to be honest.
She will need you and her Dad to be loving, understanding and a calming influence if they ever fall out too badly.

Good luck.

Murdoch1949 · 09/04/2023 09:20

Glad your husband asked his ex about the necklace, he needs to pursue it, if his daughter is unsuccessful at getting it back. The ex is bang out of order and knows it, just surprising that she wants to wear something you obviously chose, she must admire your taste!

JenniferBooth · 09/04/2023 13:04

Its because of the status of wearing a Tiffany necklace. Its because its Tiffany The mum sounds immature quite frankly. I wonder if she is slightly envious of her daughter.

stacyvaron · 09/04/2023 17:39

Given DDs age I'd say there's much more to this than DD is reporting.

SInce it's not a pattern of behavior with Mum, I'd recommend staying out of it and letting the two of them work it out.

AllyArty · 09/04/2023 17:54

I think your partner needs to tell his ex to give their daughter back her necklace. What sort of woman would do that to their daughter? The best thing u can do is say nothing.