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Original poster

Mum taken stepdaughters birthday present.

223 replies

Whybotherwithaname · 07/04/2023 22:45

Name changed as outing and posting for traffic.

Late last year it was my stepdaughters 16th birthday. Her main present from DH and I was a Tiffany necklace - the standard dog tag pendant one - she loved it and wore it every day until around Christmas. Since then she's not worn it - no big deal at all, however, tonight over dinner she said her mum has taken the necklace and wears it everyday, has done since the start of the year. She said she has asked for it back several times but said her mum made a joke saying now you know how frustrating it is when you use my makeup and trainers. She says she sleeps with it on so can't just take it back and has given up.

I feel sad about it to be honest. What do you think can be done about this? It's not right to have her special birthday present taken away from her like this.

OP posts:
JudgeJ · 08/04/2023 12:34

tara66 · 07/04/2023 23:38

As it was a dog tag pendant you should have had her name engraved on it - then mother would be less inclined to steal it.

Totally irrelevant, it's blaming the giver for the theft. The mother is a thief, plain and simple. I'd be tempted to report it to the police, they may not do much but it would put the frighteners on her.

JudgeJ · 08/04/2023 12:36

MrsDoylesDoily · 08/04/2023 00:30

What a ridiculous suggestion.

Like bills don't have to be paid and food bought.

Show quote history

More support for the thief!

ImAvingOops · 08/04/2023 12:36

I definitely think the dad has to get clarification from the mum as to what is happening here. And if it is the case that the mum has just taken it because she wants it, then the dad does have to step in and insist the necklace is returned.

If it is a situation where dd has to ask for it in front of grandparents, to shame her mum into returning it, that signifies a huge breakdown in the mother/daughter relationship and again your husband has to step in and deal with the fallout. It might be that dd should be living with him instead of mum.

But don't jump the gun - he has to actually talk to her (not via text) first.

BrokenWing · 08/04/2023 12:41

It is within the normal realms of parenting to take something from your child temporarily to teach them a lesson in respecting others property, the origin of the item is irrelevant. It might have been better for the mum to take something else if she could have guessed you would get antsy about it rather than supportive. It is between the mother and dd, has your dh talked to his dd about leaving things alone or asking permission to borrow things that do not belong to her and she had been told not too?

Your dd might not be lying, but a 16 year old interpretation of the situation may be very different to her mums.

Custardslices · 08/04/2023 12:42

Seems a bit bizarre she stole this necklace months after your DSD had worn it every day

I'd stay out of it as you only have one side of the story and will never get the other. Inbetween both is the truth

ConkerBonkers · 08/04/2023 12:45

Well just say to the mother you will be buying DD a new one, and using next month's child support to do so, unless she wants to give DD the necklace back.

aSofaNearYou · 08/04/2023 12:49

ConkerBonkers · 08/04/2023 12:45

Well just say to the mother you will be buying DD a new one, and using next month's child support to do so, unless she wants to give DD the necklace back.

And what does this teach DSD if she has been taking her mum's stuff?

DotAndCarryOne2 · 08/04/2023 12:58

MrsDoylesDoily · 08/04/2023 00:30

What a ridiculous suggestion.

Like bills don't have to be paid and food bought.

Show quote history

Maybe mum should have thought of that before she stole the necklace !!

poetryandwine · 08/04/2023 12:58

Using her mum’s stuff after presumably being told off is wrong. But the punishment has long ceased to fit the crime

Georgiarule · 08/04/2023 13:01

Mums response of ‘lol’ is also very telling.

Even if there is more to the situation then surely she should communicate that back. Even if she’s says she’ll ring or catch ex in person.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 08/04/2023 13:02

aSofaNearYou · 08/04/2023 12:49

And what does this teach DSD if she has been taking her mum's stuff?

Show quote history

I’m sure a lot of us remember being that age, sneaking mums’ make up and borrowing clothes. Not really the same thing as taking a piece of jewellery, wearing it and refusing to return it. I think her mum has got what she wants - it’s got back the OP and her DH and provoked reaction.

Georgyporky · 08/04/2023 13:03

TrombonesAreNotBones · 08/04/2023 01:19

Has the daughter stopped stealing her mum's stuff now?

And apologised & promised not to do it again.

GrandmaWins · 08/04/2023 13:06

MrsDoylesDoily · 08/04/2023 00:37

Yeah cos scoring points over a fashion necklace is way more important than keeping a roof over her head and food in her stomach 🙄

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A fashion necklace? Don't they cost hundreds? Hardly costume jewellery!

aSofaNearYou · 08/04/2023 13:12

I’m sure a lot of us remember being that age, sneaking mums’ make up and borrowing clothes. Not really the same thing as taking a piece of jewellery, wearing it and refusing to return it. I think her mum has got what she wants - it’s got back the OP and her DH and provoked reaction.

Well I didn't, and certainly wouldn't have carried on if she'd asked me to stop. I don't think it's something to be minimised and it can be a real disciplinary issue.

Though yes, obviously, it's possible she's just taking it because she wants it or wanted a reaction from her ex.

TrombonesAreNotBones · 08/04/2023 13:12

Georgyporky · 08/04/2023 13:03

And apologised & promised not to do it again.

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oh right, sorry I couldn't intuit that from the fact that the OP hasn't mentioned the daughter apologising and promising to not steal stuff from her mum again. Thumbs up.

Dorisbonson · 08/04/2023 13:13

MrsDoylesDoily · 08/04/2023 00:37

Yeah cos scoring points over a fashion necklace is way more important than keeping a roof over her head and food in her stomach 🙄

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Because she sounds like such a great responsible mom. Utterly revolting behaviour. Who does that to their own child?

BrokenWing · 08/04/2023 13:15

Georgiarule · 08/04/2023 13:01

Mums response of ‘lol’ is also very telling.

Even if there is more to the situation then surely she should communicate that back. Even if she’s says she’ll ring or catch ex in person.

It tells nothing. It doesn't sound like they have an amicable relationship with the mum, we have no idea why and the dh is questioning a run of the mill parenting decision/consequence to his dds actions at home that is none of business.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 08/04/2023 13:21

BrokenWing · 08/04/2023 13:15

It tells nothing. It doesn't sound like they have an amicable relationship with the mum, we have no idea why and the dh is questioning a run of the mill parenting decision/consequence to his dds actions at home that is none of business.

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I think I’d be questioning it though. I had a quick google and saw the price of these necklaces, and now I’ve picked my bottom jaw up off the floor I think it’s entirely possible the mum just wants it for herself !!

HeckyPeck · 08/04/2023 13:25

Whybotherwithaname · 08/04/2023 10:18

Thanks for the many replies.

Just to clarify...

Not going to call the police over this.

Not going to reduce maintenance over this as DH pays via CSA.

Dsd could be lying, but hasn't lied about something like this before so hard to tell.

DH did not text all guns blazing. He asked if what dsd had said was true. Dsd was angry at her mums lol response and she said she text her back last night asking why she denied it - her mum did not respond.

Dsd said she's going to ask her mum for the necklace back in front of her grandparents to see if that works.

Her mum doesn't have form for doing this. She's never done anything like this before so of course we need to keep an open mind that dsd could be exaggerating.

Thanks again all

I hope she does give it back OP.

BadNomad · 08/04/2023 13:29

I actually think you and DH should have stayed out of it. This is an issue between DD and her mother. Clearly her mother is fed up with DD continuing to disrespect her by taking her things, so has decided to take this approach. It's no wonder that she laughed when your DH text her. She's probably not a bit surprised DD got her father involved in their battle. It's the perfect way to up the ante.

flutterbyebaby · 08/04/2023 13:37

Ever thought that your dsd had not been looking after the necklace and just leaving it anywhere, so mum's confiscated it until she learns to look after it?

LizzieW1969 · 08/04/2023 13:37

But surely, if the DSD’s mum took the necklace from her as a consequence for borrowing her clothes without permission, the thing to do would be to confiscate it, not wear it all the time, even at night. That’s quite bizarre, childish behaviour really.

I bet that if it was the stepmum doing it, she would have had her arse handed to her. It feels like according to some posters, the SC’s mum can never be wrong.

LizzieW1969 · 08/04/2023 13:39

And it isn’t really just an issue between the mum and her DD when the stepmum and her DH gave the necklace to her as a present!

DisquietintheRanks · 08/04/2023 13:41

Maybe advise your dsd to stop taking her mum's stuff without asking? She certainly doesn't like it when someone takes her stuff.

BadNomad · 08/04/2023 13:42

And it isn’t really just an issue between the mum and her DD when the stepmum and her DH gave the necklace to her as a present!

A gift is a gift. You don't retain some kind of special rights over it just because it came from you. It is the daughter's necklace, it has nothing to do with the people who gave it.