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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to sit in the corner and rock gently?

217 replies

fugitall · 13/02/2008 20:36

My parents said we could build a house in their garden, we moved into their house, got planning (took 2 1/2 yrs to achieve), now they won't sell us the land, won't let us build, and have told us it's tough. They'll give us the market value of the plot, but we can't buy a house for that amount, we could have built a lovely house for less than it will cost us to buy a tiny house.

Still live with them, but can avoid them on day to day basis. DH wants a showdown. I want to cry.

They're my parents. The are double hard bastards, always have been, so I don't want a confrontation, but DH is really cross.

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TurkeyLurkey · 13/02/2008 20:38

Bloody hell. Why have they changed their minds? Is there any way you can win them round?

Original poster

fugitall · 13/02/2008 20:39

Cos their house is worth more with our plot attached.

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Original poster

fugitall · 13/02/2008 20:40

Then they can buy a nice house. It is their pension you know.

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Original poster

fugitall · 13/02/2008 20:40

DH away right now, so showdown postponed. I'm sobbing.

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stuffitllama · 13/02/2008 20:41

But they're giving you some money to buy another plot?

By the way you have added value to their house by getting the planning permission sorted.

alfiesbabe · 13/02/2008 20:43

Seems very odd to have let you get this far, move in with them etc and then pull the plug on it. But tbh, I think you have to see this as a lucky escape - if they are this unpredictable you're better off out of it!
You're feeling the shock at the moment, but when it wears off, you'll gradually reach the point where you realise that actually you havent really lost anything. You were offered a really great deal which has now fallen through - but it doesnt leave you any worse off than most people who would never have an offer like this in the first place IFSWIM.
Having said that - I dont think I'd be speaking to them for a while!!

TurkeyLurkey · 13/02/2008 20:43

So they want to sell it with the planning permission so they get more money for their house? Shit.
And have they had their house valued with this plot? Will they not accept you giving them the difference? Or is that more than was agreed?

This is terrible if they've been stringing you along. I really feel for you.

Original poster

fugitall · 13/02/2008 20:44

But another plot will cost loads, they took 30k from us last jan so we could get planning, but never completed the sale. We've spent 10k on architects etc. They will give us 150k when they sell, but they aren't even on the market. 150k will buy us a 2 bed terrace. 150k would build us the 4 bed detached we've got planning for.

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gloriana · 13/02/2008 20:45

That is awful! Why did your parents agree in the first place? It sounds like a very generous offer initially and if they are not normally like that, why did they let you go through the 2.5 years planning approval only to pull out at the last minute?

There must be more to this than they are telling.

Original poster

fugitall · 13/02/2008 20:45

I think we should just get the hell out, but dh is so hurt that they can be like this to me and our 4 kids, he won't let us walk away.

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TurkeyLurkey · 13/02/2008 20:46

FWIW we've just built our own house on a plot of land and its not all its cracked up to be. Endless rows and tension about money/builders/plumbers etc etc. It cost more than we thought and as in all the TV shows we went way over budget.

stuffitllama · 13/02/2008 20:47

I'm sorry -- they have take 30 k from you already? What are they offering you now?

Original poster

fugitall · 13/02/2008 20:47

Oh no, two older dd's have caught me crying. I so want to protect them.

I wonder if we've been used, but by my Mum and Dad?????????

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alfiesbabe · 13/02/2008 20:48

I think cutting your losses and getting out is the best way. A confrontation will only allow them to feel you are being unreasonable. Far more dignified to walk away and buy your own home. Preferably a few hundred miles away from them. It's stories like yours that make me feel it's best to cut the apron strings and live your own life totally independent of your parents.

TurkeyLurkey · 13/02/2008 20:50

stuffit- they are offering her £150k when they sell.

fugitall - how much more are they saying their house is worth with the planning permission then...more than £150k more?

stuffitllama · 13/02/2008 20:50

Sounds like you have been incredibly badly treated if they have taken money off you and encouraged you to spend money which improves the value of their home and have now reneged on the deal.

You need money back with interest, surely? Architects fees paid, with interest? Plus part of the increased value of their home?

This is not my field of expertise BY ANY MEANS but it all sounds very wrong indeed.

stuffitllama · 13/02/2008 20:50

So when they say they will give you the market value of the plot, does that mean when they sell, not straight away?

Original poster

fugitall · 13/02/2008 20:50

They're offering 150 when they sell, but they have been promising to go on the market for a month now. We live in their loft, was OK when it was for a very good reason, but now it's unbearable.

If we owned the land, and put it to auction, on a good day we could get nearer 200k. Their house is worth loads more with othe plot, so I do understand, and I want to just say OK and run, but my DH.......

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Original poster

fugitall · 13/02/2008 20:52

Turkey, at least 200k more, now the planning precedent is set, the world is a developers oyster.

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stuffitllama · 13/02/2008 20:53

What about if they sell the plot and the house separately.

Have they considered this. It might be more than the house with the plot.

You need your money back, plus interest, at the least. Did you have anything in writing?

stuffitllama · 13/02/2008 20:54

You should post this in property. Surely you need legal advice.

TurkeyLurkey · 13/02/2008 20:54

So their house value has increased by 200k cos of this building plot and planning permission..sounds like heck of a lot.

Original poster

fugitall · 13/02/2008 20:54

Yes, when they sell.

To get the f out, I need to get a full time job (not done since I had dd who's 12) and then we can buy a shit hole and do it up when they sell and give us the money. They won't sell unless they hurry up and get on the market.

I'm worried we'll have to pay cap gains tax?

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Carmenere · 13/02/2008 20:55

OMG I am shocked and disgusted at their behaviour. They are worried about their retirement and that is natural but to build their security on the back of trashing the plans of their daughter and her family is unforgivable.

Presumeably they would have had a nice relationship with you and their gc's as neighbours and that could have been very useful to them as they get older.

I would find it very hard to forgive them, send them a solicitors letter detailing and claiming for your financial contributions to their good fortune and use it as a deposit for a property well away from them.

Original poster

fugitall · 13/02/2008 20:57

Thing is with planning, it opens up a whole new aspect to the site.

We signed contracts, but didn't exchange. I've sought advice, and we can't legally make them complete the sale.

Thing is, I don't want to emotionally blackmail anything out of them (probably for fear of rejection). I want to make DH realise that it's tough, and we must just go.

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