I am an alcoholic

[Dandelions18]

As the title says (posting here for traffic)

I drink a bottle to a bottle and a half of wine every night. Sometimes 2 at the weekend.

I want to stop but I'm scared of withdrawals and possibly having a seizure and dying.

I am a single parent to teenage children (one only 13) and after seeking help before I was put off because (quite reasonably) SS were contacted. They found everything fine as I'm functioning...but I'm not fine. My children see me with a glass in my hand every night but I don't want them to know I'm (even more) a failure as a parent if SS have to work with us so feel I can't go to the GP

I have a fantastic relationship with them but I know they (quite rightly) judge me for my drinking and I'm setting a disgusting example. I feel shit every morning because I don't sleep well. If I take a night off from drinking I cannot sleep at all.

Please help me stop drinking safely? I am a long term poster and have name changed because I am ashamed. I know posting on here will get me flamed and I know I deserve it. I know people will tell me just to go to GP and SS are there to help, I'm doing my children a disservice by not doing so. I know all this.

I have just started therapy for past trauma and I know that's why I abuse my body, but I haven't told my counsellor about my drinking.

I hate even the taste now, I hate myself and everything about his but I'm frightened to stop suddenly in case I die.

Please, is there anyway I can stop drinking safely without going to the GP?

It's so hard. Can you reduce the amount you drink each night and try to cut down. How long have you been drinking that much? I find occupying myself when it's normally wine time. Maybe a walk, bath. And I have something nice to eat. Follow sassysobermum on insta.
Hopefully someone will be along soon with more support xx

If I could stop knowing I would physically be ok I could stop today. I've spoken to AA and it's so helpful but I am terrified I end up dying. But if I continue like this I will also die. I get abdominal pains. My face is blotchy. I look 10 years older than I am. Everyone probably knows I'm an alcoholic. I just can't have SS involved. The last woman was awful. She made me feel worse. And I know it's not about me, it's only my children who count. I only need a week and I know I'll be fine. The past 2 months I have only drank so as not to get withdrawals. I need to go cold turkey and I know mentally I can do that. I never want to touch alcohol again.

Come 7pm I'll be at the shop buying wine because I feel so trapped in this cycle. I need out for my children's sake. I can't cause them any more upset than I'm doing right now.

Go to AA - there’s no judgement and no SS involvement. I drank a similar amount to you and have been sober for 6.5 years. I have a new life and it was the best thing I ever did.

Hi OP

I have an addictive personality and have been addicted to many things before,some terrible and some good, but terrible if done to excess (like exercise etc)

Didn't want to read and run - and I don't have massive amounts of advice other than get support, don't do it alone, be accountable. It's never as hard as you think it will be but it's definitely not easy.

Just wanted to lend a handhold

Have you considered AA? I know it's not for everyone but could be worth a try. They won't judge and I think you can attend virtually.

Have you had any MH diagnosis eg PTSD?

What have you tried to stop drinking?

I can't imagine how hard it must be because I've never had to give up anything so I don't know if my suggestions will seem horrible.

Try switching to a low alcohol wine
Try not opening the bottle till the children are in bed
Try and have slightly less each day.
Either that or go cold turkey and not buy the wine at all. Put the money you save aside and do something nice with your children.

I do think you should tell your counsellor.

Thank you so much for commenting. I'm wondering how to reduce safely? Do I just pour away the last glass then slowly go down to zero? Is that safe?

Sorry, I'm so upset right now. I can't believe I've done this to my children. I promised myself they would have the childhood I didn't and they now will just remember me as the alkie Mum. I'm a disgrace.

It's been like this for a year and a half but I have drank too much on and off for years. Children are aware of this. One teen drinks more than they should. Another has vowed never to drink and I know it's because of me. His friends Mum's don't drink every night.

I drink the same amount as you and I'm now for years sober.. hundred percent the best thing I ever did!! my suggestion would be to cut down slowly. Just have one glass less each night until you're down to maybe half a bottle a night .. from that you should be able to stop completely. Otherwise go to the doctor and get some diazepam which is most commonly prescribed for withdrawals and will help you with the sleeping in the first few days/week.
Good luck, you can do it and it'll be the best decision you've ever made

A bottle of wine a day is a lot and far over the recommended level of units, but I don't think it's anywhere near so much that you'd go into massive physical withdrawal if you just stopped? My M-I-L used to drink similar. She just stopped -- and she's in her mid sixties with multiple other health conditions. She wanted to stop for her health, so she did. I would really suggest just going cold turkey.

Bless you. You've made to first step admitting you need help to stop. As a previous poster has said buy lower alcohol content wine, if you drinking a bottle to a bottle and half, just buy one bottle. Start later. How long ago was it you went to gp?

How much are you drinking each night at the moment? Can you reduce by a set amount each week? And also seek some RL support. AA or other.

I drank a bottle most days. I just stopped, cutting down wasn't good for me.

I didn't have any physical withdrawal other than some sleepless nights thankfully.

Good luck xx

I would go to AA meetings. And I don’t agree about cutting back as if you’re a person who drinks too much, once it’s in your system your reason goes and you’ll be quickly back to the usual amount.
I have alcoholics in the family, one with a medical detox. The amount you’re drinking is more similar to a high functioning family member - they did not require a medical detox.
Just ride out that first day without booze - you’ll keep saying tonight will be the night, then relapse, but one night just ride out the discomfort of the hangover/needing a drink.
And in a few nights with better sleep you won’t feel so miserable.
Go to meetings though. AA isn’t perfect but it’s the one thing strong enough to keep alcoholics I know off booze (after many false starts).
Dont give up, it’s really common but you’re hating it so much it sounds like you’re ready x

Don’t pour away the last glass, pour away the first one!
fill the glass with water & drink that before you pour yourself a glass.
tomorrow pour away two. And drink two glasses of water before you drink wine.
you can probably just not buy anymore wine after that.
but do get support.

The danger lies in stopping completely overnight OP.

You could safely cut down your consumption by half for a week, so a bottle every 2 days. Then one glass a night for a week, then one glass every other night, then one glass every 3 days etc till you can stop completely.

Go for it, but if you struggle do join AA or CGL (Change Grow Live) which my DH goes to every day.

Please don't just stop, it's so dangerous. (Substance misuse worker here). You don't need a GP or detox. What you need to do is reduce every couple of days. Don't do it drastically.

So get yourself to a point where you are having the 1 bottle, not the extra half too. When you've been having just the 1 bottle for 2/3 days, you need to knock this down. If you can't leave any in the bottle switch to smaller bottles. Buy a half and a quarter size so now you're having 3/4 of a bottle for a few days. Then just the half bottle. Then a 1/4 bottle. If you need to stay on a 1/4 bottle for a bit so be it. If you feel you need a drink try a can of beer instead.

You will get there, don't just stop it can really mess with you.

Please be careful going cold turkey. unless your a medically trained specialist who can observe OP and take a full diagnostic history. Don't just say it was fine for me! I know you said you were scared op but please be careful. You are doing amazing.

To to.your Gp.,as other have said a bottle and a half a day probably wouldn't send you into alcohol withdrawel.if you stopped ,but everybody's different and it's best to get advice and support from your Gp first

Thank you so much everyone. I'm sorry I can't reply to everyone individually.

A young family member died from alcoholism (only 34) although I have no idea how much he was drinking . He left behind 3 devastated young children when he quit cold turkey so that's why I'm so worried. He had a seizure the week before then died in his sleep.

3 years ago I was drinking the same amount for a prolonged period and the GP gave me medication so I thought I would need to do that again but it's encouraging to hear I don't actually need that.

For the PP that said cutting down gradually would be an issue...yes, it would. I know myself once I start that's me. I will buy 2 mini bottles then go back to the shop for more because it makes me feel 'good' (at the time).

It's all or nothing with me. Alcohol is the worst drug ever. It destroys families and I know this through experience, yet here I am raising another fucked up generation.

Honestly please don't listen to anyone who is saying just stop or reduce over 2 days and then don't buy any more 🤯

I'm not a medical professional but think how proud of yourself you'll be after you stop! You should be proud of yourself for writing this thread imo. Be determined - I've every faith in you 💪

I've known people quit quickly from equivalent or higher without AWS.

People who drink more than 30 units a day are recommended to only give up with medical assistance and you're currently half that if you're being honest.

Don't be ashamed because you got addicted to an addictive substance OP. Alcohol abuse is normalised in society, and often on this website. Its a drug, same as any other drug. For whatever reason, alcohol doesn't 'do it' for me, but I've had codeine prescribed before and I'll tell you what, that 'pinged' something in brain alright. If it was as normalized to take opiates in this society as it is to drink I'd be addicted to that in short order. It doesn't make you a bad person.

If you can't just stop (unsafe), and you can't reduce (willpower), then you really need to get in touch with the likes of CGL to put you on a managed reduction with their help. Otherwise, what are your other options?

https://www.changegrowlive.org/advice-info/alcohol-drugs/alcohol-drinking-levels-quiz-self-assessment