I am an alcoholic

[Dandelions18]

As the title says (posting here for traffic)

I drink a bottle to a bottle and a half of wine every night. Sometimes 2 at the weekend.

I want to stop but I'm scared of withdrawals and possibly having a seizure and dying.

I am a single parent to teenage children (one only 13) and after seeking help before I was put off because (quite reasonably) SS were contacted. They found everything fine as I'm functioning...but I'm not fine. My children see me with a glass in my hand every night but I don't want them to know I'm (even more) a failure as a parent if SS have to work with us so feel I can't go to the GP

I have a fantastic relationship with them but I know they (quite rightly) judge me for my drinking and I'm setting a disgusting example. I feel shit every morning because I don't sleep well. If I take a night off from drinking I cannot sleep at all.

Please help me stop drinking safely? I am a long term poster and have name changed because I am ashamed. I know posting on here will get me flamed and I know I deserve it. I know people will tell me just to go to GP and SS are there to help, I'm doing my children a disservice by not doing so. I know all this.

I have just started therapy for past trauma and I know that's why I abuse my body, but I haven't told my counsellor about my drinking.

I hate even the taste now, I hate myself and everything about his but I'm frightened to stop suddenly in case I die.

Please, is there anyway I can stop drinking safely without going to the GP?

You won’t be raising a fucked up generation if you show you’ve recognised the problem, addressed it and changed things you will be raising kids who see this as a possibility.

Do you have a drugs and alcohol service in your area you can contact? They often sit separately from the GP and can access specialist support for you without your GP needing to know.

And your children will know and already be aware of your drinking being problematic. You may be able to hide the glass and bottles but the over tired, snapping, miserable, struggling individual you are between drinks they'll be well aware of.

The reason SS were involved was because they should be. It's horrible being a child dependent on an alcoholic. Your kids need support and help to deal with what you are putting them through. As with all addicts, you are prioritising yourself and your addiction while paying lip service to how bad you feel for your kids. If you feel so bad for them, why not let some responsible adults into their lives to ensure their safety and wellbeing? Because it makes you feel judged? Really?

I know you'll think I'm very mean and harsh and disregard me, and instead listen to everyone trying to support you to keep on operating without judgment from those not in the power of your addiction. The idea you have that you just need a clear week and will be miraculously cured just shows how deep in denial you still are.

AA yes. But also GP to ensure you quit safely, and SS to ensure your children are ok. This is the only responsible grown up course of action.

First of all amazing! Youre amazing for opening up and talking about it and seeking out help in anyway you can. Ive been you, Ive stood where you are standing and I know the enormous strength and bravery it takes to start down this path.

Everyone is different. Personally I did need to just stop cold turkey because 'cutting down' was just an excuse to prolong the drinking, that's just me though, not the same for everyone. Withdrawal was not too bad. Sleepless nights, upset tummy, but totally fine. It was the mental stuff that was hardest.

I got audible and listened to loads of sober lit like the joy of being sober and whatever grabbed my attention. When I felt the urge I would put one on.

I also looked at my habits, when would I buy it, when was I weakest. i did everything i could not be left alone and made commitments that would be a barrier between me and drinking. I didnt do AA but i did confide in my nearest and dearest.

Ive had set backs, ive done day one several times but now I would never go back. Feel free to PM me. Youve got this!

Thank you. I know how dangerous it is hence my panic posting on here.

I will speak to my counsellor. If I can speak to someone regularly I think I can find the willpower to gradually cut down. I know I can't do it alone. I have no other close family so I feel I'm in constant turmoil wanting to not be a piece of shit but doing it anyway. I'm solely responsible for other human beings, I need to do this.

I appreciate your post so much given your experience. I am honestly so grateful to hear I can do this without medical intervention.

Please go to AA, op. As a pp said there will be no judgement and no SS.
You will find help and support there from people who’ve been through exactly the same thing.

I used to drink every night, far too much. I suddenly thought enough is enough, and stopped. First few days I kept arguing with myself but I didn't relent. Better sleep now, skin better. To be honest, I don't give it a thought now and I don't miss it. No side effects at all. Please give it a try.

Slowly reduce over a week/10 days. Have you got SMART recovery in your area? My friend found it it more helpful than AA.

I divorced my alcoholic ex and my kids still resent me for not leaving sooner. You've done the first step in posting. Try and have a few less drinks tonight. Start later and drink less. There's loads of support threads in relationships (brave babes or something). Good luck! 🍀

I am not a medical professional - but I was drinking the same amount as you and I stopped cold turkey on 1st January. I've had nothing but positive effects.
I am certainly not saying that there is no risk - I can't comment on that.
But I did not suffer any withdrawal - although it took a week or so to sleep properly.

If you are being honest about the amount you drink then you could cut down.

My dsis is an alcoholic. She always said her gp told her not to give up cold turkey. She carried on drinking until she was accepted by a drug and alcohol service and was given medication and detoxed at home. Very sadly she never regained liver function even after 6 months of abstinence and had a transplant which has seriously impacted her quality of life. She admits now that she could have gone cold turkey but lied about her GPS comments so she could prolong her drinking. Ss was involved for her children and were very nice actually and supportive.

If you want to give up cold turkey then please contact the gp and get into a home detox programme. Otherwise cut down to half a bottle a night for a month and then give up.

Anyone who flames you for reaching out is a fool. You've had some excellent advice above so I won't offer more, what I will say is your admission and a desire to change is a massive step towards recovery. I hope you succeed for both you and your wonderful children.

You mentioned nights off and the worst effect was no sleep? Did you otherwise feel okay?

OP if you can't cut down gradually then you need medically supervised detox.

My DH got 10 days in a residential unit via CGL (see link above) under NHS so carried on drinking right up to admission, then stopped completely under their care.

That was last year, he relapsed this year so we paid £3k for another 10 day detox.

Sounds like this would be appropriate for you.

Please don't just stop, it's so dangerous. (Substance misuse worker here). You don't need a GP or detox. What you need to do is reduce every couple of days. Don't do it drastically

How can you say she doesn't need a gp or detox? It's almost impossible to give up by yourself if you are alcohol dependent as you must know.

Bless you. I have a relative who is an alcoholic and I wish I could help more. I really don't have much advice, but I hope I can offer you some comfort with the following:

SS referral when seeking addiction support is a routine part of the procedure for people with children at home. My partner suffered with an addiction (to a legal, OTC substance) and it was literally just a phone call to confirm things were okay at home and that I was there basically.

Once SS initially clarify that the DC aren't at risk, that will be the end of their involvement in your recovery process. You say you don't want to seek help because SS will be involved again, but this is highly unlikely, especially given your relationship with your DC and their ages. And as you've said, SS have already done this check, so again please let me emphasise, seeking addiction support and recovery does not automatically mean SS involvement for your DC.

Do not let fear and stigma put you off. As you've already stated in your OP, morally it's not the right thing to do, but it's also unnecessary in a practical sense.

This. Set yourself a 0lan and be prepared for shitty nights and the 'fear - normal symptoms and they will pass. Done far worse myself from more units/day to cold turkey. Was hell and not the easiest way but didnt come close to seizures etc.

This isn't helpful at all, if you don't have any constructive advice then just ignore and move on. The amount of alcohol would suggest OP needs to taper off otherwise there could be very serious consequences, seizures etc.

I 100% agree. It's so painful to watch someone with alcohol addiction deceive, lie, minimise, and pretend.

You've already taken one of the hardest steps which is admitting you actually have a problem in the first place. I know that is cliche but that is because it's bloody true.

Perhaps every other night would be more achievable than cutting down amounts per night. Might using Drinkaware app help? Could be motivating to see you are having 40 units say, not 80 a week.

What do you get out of drinking and what else could you do which is more positive to get the same effect?

It's not because I don't want to feel judged, it's because I don't want me causing more issues for them. They will feel embarrassed and not want that interference, they'll feel different from their peers if that makes sense. SS comes with bad connotations no matter how helpful and teen boys (at least mine anyway) don't want the humiliation.

I'm not actually a bad drunk and I also don't get snappy when I feel like shit -because of the guilt. That's why it's gone on for so long because I've been able to convince myself that I'm still nice to my children, I don't fall about drunk or cause arguments...I just sit watching TV with a glass in my hand. Obviously I know that that doesn't take away the damage I'm causing by setting a fucking horrific example and the chance I may have damaged my body beyond repair so I die and leave them and that's why I'm posting.

I genuinely appreciate every single comment, harsh or not. I honestly thought I'd have more harsh replies and I need to hear them.

Thank you all.

I don't have any advice, but...

My mum is an alcoholic, she finally stopped 2 years ago ... I am now married with 2 teenage children, but my whole childhood was shadowed by the fact she had to drink so much everyday..
she stopped because she literally hit rock bottom and there was a major health scare in the family.

I am proud of her for stopping, but I also want to say what a difference to my life it would have made to me, if she had accepted her drinking to be a problem when I was younger... especially when I was in my teens. I would have been so grateful to her, and I would have celebrated and supported her, so please be kind to yourself, you are doing something so hard and brave- you want to give up, you accept that you are an alcoholic and you are thinking about your children, that is such a brave thing to do, and I really hope you manage to get sober soon, in a healthy and safe manner.

Could you put the money away you would be spending on wine, and plan To use it for a treat with your kids when you are sober?

Sorry not to have practical advice, but I just wanted you to know you will be showing your children such strength and they Will carry that forwards in their life.

You can go to AA whether you’re stopping completely , cutting down, doing a medical detox or still actively drinking. You just need to have the desire to stop drinking completely.

Don’t put it off. Go to a meeting tonight online. There are hundreds of virtual meetings. If you’re serious about stopping, start now.

You won't have a seizure or with drawl / die if all you are drinking is a bottle of wine speak to a medical professional to get accurate information

Please OP follow this advise.
If may seem like a long tough haul but the benefits will outweigh that.
One day at a time, don't think about what it will be like if you haven't had a drink for x amount of days, just take it a day at a time.
Then lay in bed each night and think about how you got through another day without alcohol and congratulate yourself...