I am an alcoholic

[Dandelions18]

As the title says (posting here for traffic)

I drink a bottle to a bottle and a half of wine every night. Sometimes 2 at the weekend.

I want to stop but I'm scared of withdrawals and possibly having a seizure and dying.

I am a single parent to teenage children (one only 13) and after seeking help before I was put off because (quite reasonably) SS were contacted. They found everything fine as I'm functioning...but I'm not fine. My children see me with a glass in my hand every night but I don't want them to know I'm (even more) a failure as a parent if SS have to work with us so feel I can't go to the GP

I have a fantastic relationship with them but I know they (quite rightly) judge me for my drinking and I'm setting a disgusting example. I feel shit every morning because I don't sleep well. If I take a night off from drinking I cannot sleep at all.

Please help me stop drinking safely? I am a long term poster and have name changed because I am ashamed. I know posting on here will get me flamed and I know I deserve it. I know people will tell me just to go to GP and SS are there to help, I'm doing my children a disservice by not doing so. I know all this.

I have just started therapy for past trauma and I know that's why I abuse my body, but I haven't told my counsellor about my drinking.

I hate even the taste now, I hate myself and everything about his but I'm frightened to stop suddenly in case I die.

Please, is there anyway I can stop drinking safely without going to the GP?

You need to be as honest with your counseller as you have with us.
You have recognised there is an issue and admit you need help which is a good step forward.
Now you need to seek help and support from AA or similar. Start contacting your local group who will have regular meetings, some via zoom so that you can establish your next steps to charging your life.
Well done for getting this far and bast wishes for your transformation.

Hello everyone,

I'm so grateful to come back to such lovely messages, thank you all

I had not returned because (of course) I didn't stop but that has me been 2 days without any alcohol now so I felt less scared to return to the thread!

I'm taking a small amount of diazepam that I am already prescribed (I understand the PP concerned about medically detoxing myself but I have medically detoxed before through GP and I'm taking a lower dose, I have never had any issues with any other addictive substance and I won't take any more at all after day 4). I have had a bit of a headache and sleeping hasn't been great but other than that I've been fine.

The guilt is overwhelming thinking of the amount of damage I have done to my children because they were stuck with an alcoholic mother. I have been in denial thinking that because I believe us to be close, they WILL have lost respect for me. So many memories of their Mum with a drink in her hand as if it was as normal as a cup of tea.

I haven't contacted a professional yet (although I most certainly will) but have spoken to someone close who now knows everything. I'm drinking lots of water, trying to eat healthier and have a couple of things planned to do with the kids plus a list of things I need to do in the house such as decorating/cleaning out cupboards and also a few new outfits I will treat myself to once I have reaches a month sober.

I know I have a very long way to go and it won't be easy but for the first time in a very long time I can see a better future.

Thank you all so much again x

(@ShyMaryEllen I will PM you if that's ok and @Theskyoutsideisblue I have joined the thread 1 day sober recommended by a PP if you want to join too!)

Good luck OP. I tend to think you should ask the gp for support but if you really can't face it then I wish you lots of strength x

Well done OP. Addiction is so tricky, relapse can be part of recovery so if it is case of two steps forward one step back don't be disheartened (easier said than done I know!)

Substance misuse services might be a good shout for you. They may give you access to a professional who you can share your feelings with about your alcohol use in a safe space.

I'm sure your children will be so proud that you are motivated now to work on your drinking, wishing you all the very best in your recovery:)

Please, please try AA. Alternatively I am a member of CA (Cocaine anonymous) and we welcome anyone wanting to stop any mind altering substance, it doesn’t have to be cocaine. I am now over a year sober. Good luck to you, I’m routing for you!!!!!!

Thank you @stugs and @Itsatwinthing. My GP is lovely and last time could only prescribe me medication for withdrawals and ask if I wanted to be referred to addiction services, which I said yes to and it ended up a huge mistake (just bad luck who I was allocated) so it's not something I think will help but I have been looking at the AA website and once Easter hols are finished I'll be able to attend zoom meetings without worrying anyone will overhear.

I most certainly don't think this is something I am going to be able to do alone so will definitely join a support group (as I say, most likely AA). At this moment I can't imagine ever wanting to drink again, but I'm very aware that as time goes on I might think 'oh one won't hurt' and then I'll be right back where I started so I know I need to the support to stop that happening.

Thank you and well done on your sobriety! x

That's great you are considering some form of support group to reduce the risk of relapsing. Easter holidays will soon be over and you can give the zoom meetings a try and see what you think. You have the motivation which is the hardest part to nail. Well done, this is bloody hard stuff and I agree it's not something that's best done in isolation

Thank you @Itsatwinthing x

That's me 7 days sober!

@mnhq could you please move this thread to alcohol support? Thank you.

Your doing so well!

You have made a good start by admitting you are sick of drinking and you want to stop. That's more than most people.
I am a single parent too, and I stopped drinking as I was self-medicating out of boredom and loneliness. I highly recommend reading the books The Life Changing Magic of Being Sober, The Sober Diaries, Mrs D is Going Without, Mrs D is Going Within, This Naked Mind, Quit Like A Woman... There are so many helpful quit lit books. Also some sober channels on YouTube are so good. I found changing my evening routine helped. Don't slump on the sofa, go for a walk, if you have a garden potter out there, read a book, do a crossword, drink tea, brush your teeth after you've eaten. If I was feeling cravings I would go to bed with a nice book and a cup of herbal tea and the craving would pass.
Good luck, you've got this xx

As a sober alcoholic, I think the fact that you recognise you have a problem is fantastic, OP. Your level of consumption is high for a woman so please don't start cutting down without medical advice. Your GP will signpst you in the right direction.

AA will help with the psychological side of not drinking.

If you have the resources and the support to go to a rehab for 28 days, that will really kickstart your recovery and you will get so much support and tools to take out with you into the world.

Good luck xx

Well done lovely. Keep on doing what you're doing. X

The poster is reaching out for help, as she has a problem. If it was that easy to just stop...why are there so many suffering. Please have some compassion,

You need professional help and advice for safety's sake, don't rely on an unrelated Internet forum.

How are you doing now OP?

(@ShyMaryEllen I will PM you if that's ok)

Yes, of course.