I am an alcoholic

[Dandelions18]

As the title says (posting here for traffic)

I drink a bottle to a bottle and a half of wine every night. Sometimes 2 at the weekend.

I want to stop but I'm scared of withdrawals and possibly having a seizure and dying.

I am a single parent to teenage children (one only 13) and after seeking help before I was put off because (quite reasonably) SS were contacted. They found everything fine as I'm functioning...but I'm not fine. My children see me with a glass in my hand every night but I don't want them to know I'm (even more) a failure as a parent if SS have to work with us so feel I can't go to the GP

I have a fantastic relationship with them but I know they (quite rightly) judge me for my drinking and I'm setting a disgusting example. I feel shit every morning because I don't sleep well. If I take a night off from drinking I cannot sleep at all.

Please help me stop drinking safely? I am a long term poster and have name changed because I am ashamed. I know posting on here will get me flamed and I know I deserve it. I know people will tell me just to go to GP and SS are there to help, I'm doing my children a disservice by not doing so. I know all this.

I have just started therapy for past trauma and I know that's why I abuse my body, but I haven't told my counsellor about my drinking.

I hate even the taste now, I hate myself and everything about his but I'm frightened to stop suddenly in case I die.

Please, is there anyway I can stop drinking safely without going to the GP?

I think different things work for different people so can see your view completely! It also really depends on your local group - my local AA were extremely judgmental when anyone ever admitted to falling off the wagon and I saw lots of people just disappearing which I assume was due to fear of being judged. Just throwing the SMART recovery option out there as lots of people seem to think their only choices are either AA or go it alone! SMART also has online sessions which I make use of.

genuinely appreciate every single comment, harsh or not. I honestly thought I'd have more harsh replies and I need to hear them.

No you don't need harsh replies.
Never kick someone when they're down.

You've made a great start by admitting that you are an alcoholic.
You now need the confidence to start your journey to being alcohol free.
It's in you....you can and will do it because you want to be around for many years yet to watch your children grow.

Each cocodamol tablet has 500mg paracetamol as well as either 8 or 30 mg codeine. If you are genuine that's a toxic and potentially fatal dose of paracetamol to be knocking back in one sitting alone, never mind nightly. And with soluble paracetamol too!

I'm an alcoholic too, but I've been sober since 1994. I needed an inpatient detox. It's nothing to mess about with. Since then, there are more medications that will help you avoid withdrawal symptoms, but you'll need the GP for them.

Is the reason you can't contact the GP because the GP will bring in social services? Won't SS just make sure your kids have adequate care while you are being treated? I'm not in the UK, so I'm not sure how this would work for you.

Hi OP,

I was an alcohol addiction counsellor for quite a few years and I was an alcoholic before that.

As you're aware, coming off alcohol IF your body is dependent on it is more dangerous than heroin. I can't tell if you are bodily dependent and that would ideally need a doctor to advise, but I get the concern around social services and the stigma etc.

You can tell if you are dependent and need to taper by checking if when you stop drinking your hands are visibly shaky, you begin to sweat a lot, you have a rapid or irregular pulse, or your blood pressure is very high then it is advisable to taper off alcohol and not quit cold turkey. You can taper off by using alcohol or by getting prescription meds from your doctor. A pulse of over 100 beats per minute is a definite danger sign. I've seen physical addicts and they can't hold a cup of tea without it sloshing all over the place as they are dependent and shaking all the time. From what you've said, I'd be surprised if you are physically dependent.

However, if you're dependent, you can still come off it, but you need to taper just like you would from any other drugs. You can call the Frank drugs helpline on 0300 123 6600 (per the NHS) and this website has some helpful links: Finding support - Adfam. AA can also give you links and support, though I can't say I liked some aspects of what they were doing.

If you're not physically dependent, then a book I found very helpful in quitting was Allan Carr's Easy Way to Quit Alcohol. I tried lots of times to quit and had many "day 1's", but after reading that book, I realised it was poison and was not doing me any good and never would. I had my last drink over 10 years ago and I don't miss it at all now and will never drink again. Before that I used to drink.... heavily. I couldn't moderate, I was all or nothing.

If and when you do quit, don't listen to that little voice that keeps telling you that you "never had a problem and that you can control this now" as that voice is your addiction. I listened to it after quitting for a couple of years and within a couple of months I was back to drinking too much. Its hard the first couple of weeks and the first couple of months are tough at times. After 6 months its easier, but things like Christmas can test you the first couple of times until you discover they are better without it.

I've known people with much much worse drinking problems than you have (myself included) quit, so you can do it. You need to really want to as its very addictive and you need to realise that you can't drink again.

I'm also a damn site happier not drinking and raising a family who are not seeing me drunk or slurring. It feels good knowing that they wont think its normal, because its not.

It can be incredibly dangerous to stop drinking when an alcoholic. Please do not take advice from strangers on the Internet who may mean well but can give incorrect advise. AA are best placed to help if you do not want to approach your GP. Please seek proper help to ensure it is done safely

AA didn't do it for me but it does wonders for some people. The main thing is not letting yourself become isolated. Reach out to others for support and encouragement. There's a great facebook group called Club Soda Together - you could join there. People can post anonymously if they want to. Group wise there's SMART recovery as other posters have mentioned as well as mindfulness-based addiction recovery groups, which I personally have found super helpful as I have more than one addiction to manage.

I wonder if drinking slowly would help you to eventually stop? Sip your first glass and make it last longer. You seem very determined to stop, and cold turkey doesn't look like it's a good idea. Maybe have a glass of water in between as well. Wishing you the best

I am a recovering alcoholic - nothing and I mean NOTHING was able to stop me drinking no matter how hard I tried until I went to AA. I don't know how AA worked as well as it did, but almost immediately I stopped drinking once I kept attending sessions and I have now been over 3 years sober. Please go to a meeting, and then keep going, it's incredibly hard to get sober by yourself and stay sober.

I have a Dad who, like you, drank a bottle or so of wine every night while I was growing up. I can't say I blame him for my addition at all as I am an adult and responsible for my own choices, but he blames himself for the fact I saw the level of alcohol consumption as normal. You say your children judge you for your drinking though so hopefully they know that it isn't a normal or safe level of alcohol consumption, I didn't. I didn't realise my Dad was a functioning alcoholic until I was also drinking a bottle of wine per night.

Don't beat yourself up, OP. You've recognised an issue and you're on the ball to fix it. I started like you and ended up drinking a litre of vodka a day six years ago.

Have you got a local addiction support charity near you? They can be incredibly helpful. I used their support services as I didn't fancy AA, they even arranged rehab for me (but I didn't need that in the end because I had norovirus, couldn't keep anything down and ended up going cold turkey!).

The charity I went to suggested buying your normal amount, pouring out your usual glass then tip out a few mouthfuls down the sink. Then tip out a quarter, third, half a glass, all over time, so you reduce the amount but don't really notice it. Eventually, your usage will be lessened and you won't crave it so much.

Definitely continue with therapy but be honest with them about your habit. They'll support you too.

You're not on your own and look at this as day one, not one day, and a year from now you'll be so proud of your achievements!

I used to drink a bottle of wine a night OP ad it's most definitely a slippery slope! I just couldn't seem to moderate and was blocking out my current circumstances by drinking. Instated to have black outs and knew it was time to quit. I reduced my wine drinking down and have been alcohol free since last August. It's a game changer i promise you! As already suggested have a go at reducing first, if you can drink two glasses instead of 4 (pour the rest down the sink)! With a little determination it can be done. The reason you can't sleep is because you body is used to the coma like state and without it sleep is hard. There's an amazing book by William Porter called alcohol explained - the science behind the poison is quite an eye opener. Come join us on the alcohol free thread, lots of tips and support there. You've made the first big step and that's what's important today. I wish you the best of luck! x

OP, have you heard of the Sinclair Method? It's a medication-based approach to breaking the neurochemical process of alcohol addiction and there are numerous scientific studies supporting its success in treating alcoholism and alcohol use disorder. It's used extensively in Finland and is available in the UK (though not widely known about).

OP. You sound like me. I got to the point where I was desperate to stop, but the physical withdrawal stopped me being able to and well, once I'd started...

If you need to address the phyical you cannot do it alone. But it doesn't need to be as scary as you think.

You can in fact have a free (bar prescription costs) at home detox/rehab on the NHS.

You have to refer to your local substance abuse centre. Some will let you self refer, some may require Dr referal.

They should be able to offer support.

You can find them here www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/find-an-alcohol-addiction-service/location.

Avoid CGL they seem to direct to Detox UK who will charge. If you struggle to get free help, these can help: Dear Albert can help: www.dearalbert.co.uk/nhs-alcohol-detox/.

I did around 3 months counselling once a week prior and again after. 10 day at home detox with family support.

The medication made phyical withdrawal smooth and easy to the point I didn't have a single side effect.

I'm sober 3.5 years later.

I’m also halfway through this episode of Under the Skin - it’s an interview with Eckhart Tolle and in it he talks a lot about becoming aware and later he talks quite a bit about addiction. He says it takes you ‘under your mind’ as an escape whereas he shows you how to go ‘above your mind’ to free yourself in a more positive way. He says it way better though!

Although Luminary is £3.99/month you can listen for free for a week otherwise I wouldn’t have recommended the episode.

Hope you find what you need on this thread. ❤️

https://luminary.link/N9irsslVvfb

Hi Op I hope you feel a bit better with the support on this thread. I can recommend this book, your library might have it on ebooks. It changed my whole attitude to alcohol and I've been much better at moderating since reading it - and I was on a path to addiction at one point. www.amazon.co.uk/Kick-Drink-Easily-Jason-Vale/dp/1845903900

It's great that you want to change, but you sound like you are in denial over your level of addiction (thinking you can just stop; thinking it isn't affecting your parenting much).

I have no practical advice, but I have witnessed the other end. My husband had an alcoholic father and as so often happens, ended up with an alcoholic partner. DSD's mum drank herself to death by the time DSD was 4. The impact on family members is huge.

I hope you manage to find the help you need.

I just want to wish you the very best OP, absolutely no judgement from me.

I had a very rocky relationship with alcohol in my 20's (drinking to hide from emotions, and to pretend to be more confident) which peaked when after I had my DS and he started sleeping through, I would easily drink a bottle a night. I didn't drive at the time, so I justified to myself that if DS needed to get somewhere, I'd only have to get a taxi anyway. I would feel hungover 60% of the time, but I was drinking to cover up the fact I was deeply, deeply unhappy and anxious in an abusive relationship.

I ended up having to go on a different SSRI for anxiety that made drinking large quantities virtually impossible without feeling shocking the next day. I knocked it on the head pretty much instantly and although am not fully sober (I have the occasional drink) I rarely drink at all.

It really is possible, and I know you can do this

There are AA groups that meet up online. You can join in with groups at almost any hour of the day or night as they are worldwide. Maybe try to do an online group each evening when you would be drinking to help in the reduction phase.

This is a 24 hour women's group.

just stop, do some exercise instead. A friend of mines son sadly died recently he was in his 50s and an alcoholic. What other motivation do you need.

You sound like the Doctor that apparently wanted me dead.

You CANNOT just stop if you are physically dependant. It can cause death.

It can be dangerous to just stop. She may need to taper down or even go the GP even though she doesn't really want to. That would be the wisest course of action given we have no idea of OPs level of physical dependence. None of us can advise properly as we have no idea about the level of addiction and potential affects.

Thank you so much.

I have read every single comment more than once. Thank you for taking the time to help/make me see sense.

I want to give a special thank you to those who have shared their experiences of battling with alcohol and especially those who have given insight into the child perspective because my children are the only reason I'm even posting. Without them I'd probably be dead by now.

I know I sound as if I'm in denial. Deep down I know all I'm making is excuses, I feel defensive and am pretending it's not as bad as it is just to cope with it.

Their childhood memories will be of the smell of wine. Knowing I'm drinking every day and that I care more about alcohol than them or else I would just stop.

Thank you also for all the links, I'm going to look at all of them. Thank you x

Recognising that you've got a serious problem is a big first step, OP, so kudos to you for taking it.

One of my friends got her drinking under control by diluting her wine with sparkling water: just a dash, initially, but gradually increasing the water until it was water with a dash of wine, then just water. It's worth a try.

But I also know many people who've found AA really effective. One friend has now been sober for 29 years, including the last 2 years living in France, where she is surrounded by boozy expats.

Good luck.