I am an alcoholic

[Dandelions18]

As the title says (posting here for traffic)

I drink a bottle to a bottle and a half of wine every night. Sometimes 2 at the weekend.

I want to stop but I'm scared of withdrawals and possibly having a seizure and dying.

I am a single parent to teenage children (one only 13) and after seeking help before I was put off because (quite reasonably) SS were contacted. They found everything fine as I'm functioning...but I'm not fine. My children see me with a glass in my hand every night but I don't want them to know I'm (even more) a failure as a parent if SS have to work with us so feel I can't go to the GP

I have a fantastic relationship with them but I know they (quite rightly) judge me for my drinking and I'm setting a disgusting example. I feel shit every morning because I don't sleep well. If I take a night off from drinking I cannot sleep at all.

Please help me stop drinking safely? I am a long term poster and have name changed because I am ashamed. I know posting on here will get me flamed and I know I deserve it. I know people will tell me just to go to GP and SS are there to help, I'm doing my children a disservice by not doing so. I know all this.

I have just started therapy for past trauma and I know that's why I abuse my body, but I haven't told my counsellor about my drinking.

I hate even the taste now, I hate myself and everything about his but I'm frightened to stop suddenly in case I die.

Please, is there anyway I can stop drinking safely without going to the GP?

All over the world not work

My FIL went to it and it was an absolute lifesaver for him. He drank a huge amount and they helped him out of it and he made great friends in it. It's a great thing for some people. Afaik, very non judgmental.

I should start by saying I have zero practical advice to offer but I couldn't read your post without letting you know how much I admire the step you have taken here in opening up and asking for help and support, it is a bloody brave thing to do and I salute you ❤️

I hope it doesn't sound too naive a suggestion, but alongside the enormous physical and mental benefits of giving up alcohol there will presumably be a financial benefit too? So perhaps some extra motivation might come from setting yourself a target of spending some of what you will save on an experience with your kids? A holiday or trip away somewhere? Or maybe redecorating their bedrooms or buying something you will all use like a hot tub or similar? Maybe printing out pictures of the 'target' purchase/experience stuck up on the fridge or next to wherever you keep your wine might give a tiny extra reinforcement to your willpower.

I wish you strength and hope you will update us on your progress. I will be thinking of you.💐

I drank same amount as you OP and sometimes more, stopped fairly easily thankfully and power of alcohol has no more hold over me, think I last had a glass of wine about a year ago, it’s not on my radar anymore and I was someone who spent my life drinking every night and withdrawing every day until evening when it would all start again, I went to lots of AA meetings and didn’t work ‘the steps’ as such but just being around people who understood really helped, only addicts understand addicts, make that first move of going to a meeting, I think you’ll find relief, compassion and hope

OP, I'm sorry you are going through this. It is great you have acknowledged it. I assume you don't go to your GP for it because they might flag it up to SS? Have you considered therapy, perhaps the virtual type, like talk space, to deal with the addiction?

It might be hard to try and drink less and less every night and get sober that way without getting to the bottom of your addiction. I wish you well in your journey.

If you are really honest, you’re still in denial and the self flagellation doesn’t counter the ‘I’m not a bad drunk’, I can give up tomorrow but fear of dying from a seizure stop me’ excuses.

As long as your drinking stays you and your children’s dirty secret, you won’t stop.

There are no half measures to getting sober. A mother drinking herself into an early grave is a lot less palatable than said mother seeking help and support.

It's a great way to go, not suitable for everyone but could totally work for OP imo. Back to the crochet and colouring books here ;)

Swiftbushome · Today 16:54
Also splitting 1 bottle over 2 days won't work. Sorry. You could pour half down the sink before your start maybe, but if there is half left and you've already started drinking I'm pretty sure you'll finish the bottle.

This. Alcoholics can’t cut down. If they could then they almost certainly aren’t alcoholics and that’s why total abstinence is recommended.

Good luck OP. I’m 95 days sober and feeling so much better. I was also drinking a bottle of wine most nights. I had happened to drink a bit less than usual in the week leading up to Christmas and then ended up stopping on Boxing Day. I didn’t really have any withdrawal symptoms apart from even worse sleep. I’ve just started HRT and that’s really helped my sleep and mood too.

Just realised it’s perhaps time to change my username! Or at least add a 0% in!

And out of curiosity, what about the bloody father? This mother is a person, who should have support. She asked for help and she should be given help and support. Slagging people off really does not help. People can get sober without the public flagellation. This is exactly why people don't want ro come forward for help.

In the kindest way OP you don't have a fantastic relationship with them. My mum was a functioning alcoholic. She was kind and gentle, funny, interested in our lives and held down a job as an Finance director in a major company. She died from cirrhosis when I was 19 and my brother 18. We have never forgiven her. Our childhood was spent worrying that she would die. She probably never knew and thought we were a happy family.

You need to get professional help.

OP here is the link to the AA website. If you call the national helpline number they will find someone in your local area who can call you for a chat. It might take a couple of hours to get hold of someone local but they will find someone. That person will be a recovering alcoholic, there will be NO judgement at all.

AA is a program of abstinence because we understand that if you could control the amount you drink you wouldn't be an alcoholic, you'd just cut down to a sensible level without any bother. The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.

AA is not for everyone but I'd encourage you to investigate and make up your own mind. It saved my life some years ago now.

At least give them a call and talk to someone so you feel less alone.

www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/

@AgentJohnson is right. OP wants the drama and attention of people telling her she’s great and poor her and she can do this. She’s not actually doing much though and seems to have all the excuses. Alcoholics need help yes but they also need honesty and understanding. Smaller glasses, smaller bottles and leaving half a bottle in the cupboard are not the answer and to be honest are dangerous enabling tactics.
OP needs to talk to other alcoholics (maybe at AA) or professionals, but where is she? Asking people who (largely) have no idea to make her feel better.

good luck OP - i hope you’re ready to quit soon.

Please don't just stop immediately as it is very dangerous to do so.
Look up recovery services in your area... AA isn't the only support out there (although is helpful for some).
It's so great you are seeing the counsellor, if you feel able to, then share with them... it can only be a good thing.
All the luck sent to you xx

Today you made a major step by admitting there is a problem.

Go to AA they won't judge you.

We will get support you on here too.
You can do this.

I agree about support, i think it would be so hard without support. But say for instance we're not all under the NHS, the only support we might be able to afford is MN. So the last thing anyone needs is judgement. Or assuming that we all have the NHS (sorry for that, but it's not available for everyone here). We don't. And even with that, imo there are people who can't escape the addiction. It's not too far off heroin as far as i'm concerned.

That was a roundabout way of saying, OP needs services, they don't seem to be there. It doesn't give anyone the right to sneer. Iyswim.

That may have been the first page of my novel....

I joined a group on MN of fellow drinkers who were trying to change, It was the one thing that helped me was writing openly on a anonymous forum. It has been my safe place and despite ups and downs we all get it.

BTW if you are being honest about your drinking you wont experience DT, you will have a craving for sugar and extreme tiredness. I refocussed my energy on the key areas that were my triggers- I joined a exercise on line group and did that instead. The buzz and energy you feel for not only doing the workout but not drinking is amazing. My sleep was the biggest issue but i still woke feeling more refreshed than i did when i drank. Happy to share the group

Same 🙈🤣🤣

I completely understand and know how youre feeling. I was you just over three years ago. 3rd March 2020, I had my last drink. I even drank the same as you 1 - 1.5 bottles a night, more at the weekend.
I tried many times to give up. Even going to the gp and being truly honest, only for them to say, cant you just drink less?!
I was worried about the sleep thing too, i ended up sleeping like a log after the first 10 days. I dont have any helpful advice about how to stop though, because when I decided to not have a drink that day, I dont know why, and something felt different and I knew that was it, I felt ready.
Its not been easy, theres been cravings and hard times and things to cope with without it, but as the time passes the easier it gets.

I may be a disgraceful alcoholic but I don't kick people when they are down. I came here for support and to hear some home truths. I find it very strange that you chose to go on a thread with no personal experience and then tell me why I started the thread despite not knowing me. I am a very long term poster and there is every chance if you've posted a thread I would have tried to be nice and offer support as I comment regularly to try and help others - I thought that was the whole point of the website.

Thank you so much to everyone sharing their personal experiences. And those who suggested taking up a hobby to keep my hands busy. I have really wanted to start painting for a while so I'm going to try that.

I have been honest about my drinking although I drink a bottle and a half more than I 'only' drink a bottle. I'm not sure if that makes a difference re. stopping by myself?

Someone said they were surprised SS were called. It wasn't the GP who did that, it was after I went to the GP and asked to be referred to addiction services because I'm a single parent so there wasn't another responsible adult at home. I understood the initial call but afterwards the addiction person phoned me without warning on 2 separate occasions (number withheld) and because I didn't answer she reported me both times. SS thought she was ridiculous as both surprise visits showed nothing wrong (I was actually baking with my kids on one and we were watching a film on the other).

She spoke to me like dirt, did not help at all (other than urine and blood tests which I passed) and put me off ever asking someone for help again. I would honestly advise people against it because of how she was. I have never felt as low as I did when I tried to get help and I refuse to invite people to randomly turn up at my children's home. They also have to automatically speak to the school and the staff there have never looked at me the same way, all because I don't have my phone glued to me and wasn't expecting a call. I never even got the chance to return the calls because no voicemail. In the end I was discharged because she couldn't catch me doing anything wrong. I wanted and needed that service but I couldn't cope with the constant worry that I'd be reported again if I missed a call so I went through the motions and never got the psychological help.

I would invest in a weekly therapy session with a decent therapist. When you feel more in control, you'll find it easier to reduce/stop drinking.

I hope you can do it, you deserve happiness.

OP - I posted very early in the thread (2nd reply) to say that my drinking had been very similar to yours and I have been sober for 6.5 years. I do have personal experience.

Non-alcoholics being nice to you won’t help you get sober. Buying smaller wine glasses won’t help you get sober. But I suspect you know that already.