I am an alcoholic

[Dandelions18]

As the title says (posting here for traffic)

I drink a bottle to a bottle and a half of wine every night. Sometimes 2 at the weekend.

I want to stop but I'm scared of withdrawals and possibly having a seizure and dying.

I am a single parent to teenage children (one only 13) and after seeking help before I was put off because (quite reasonably) SS were contacted. They found everything fine as I'm functioning...but I'm not fine. My children see me with a glass in my hand every night but I don't want them to know I'm (even more) a failure as a parent if SS have to work with us so feel I can't go to the GP

I have a fantastic relationship with them but I know they (quite rightly) judge me for my drinking and I'm setting a disgusting example. I feel shit every morning because I don't sleep well. If I take a night off from drinking I cannot sleep at all.

Please help me stop drinking safely? I am a long term poster and have name changed because I am ashamed. I know posting on here will get me flamed and I know I deserve it. I know people will tell me just to go to GP and SS are there to help, I'm doing my children a disservice by not doing so. I know all this.

I have just started therapy for past trauma and I know that's why I abuse my body, but I haven't told my counsellor about my drinking.

I hate even the taste now, I hate myself and everything about his but I'm frightened to stop suddenly in case I die.

Please, is there anyway I can stop drinking safely without going to the GP?

You need to seek the right support to address your addiction now, whilst it is "only" one bottle a night. Because it will increase and it will only get harder from here on in.

I was the teenager in your situation. My mum started off with a few bottles a week, then a bottle a night, more on a Friday and Saturday. Then two bottles a night. Then she needed more so was taking vodka to work in a water bottle. Then that was discovered and she lost her job (position of responsibility, risk to life due to her drinking) so then she had nothing else to do other than drink all day. Wine by the pint glass.

Christmases, birthdays, weddings, any normal childhood, all ruined by her drinking.

One by one people withdrew. My siblings and I all moved out once each of us hit 16. We have struggled through life as we've not had the same opportunities, support, or even just a safe place to live, all as a result of her drinking. Her family slowly lost contact, as did my siblings. It then reached a point (after extensive therapy) that I realised I just couldn't carry her burden for her any more and I had to cut contact with her too.

She continued to drink for another 5 years or so. She died at home alone as a result of her alcoholism. She wasn't found for five months. Still we live with the effects of her drinking even now.

Please stop, and do it the right way. Stop for your children. Stop for yourself. You can break the cycle.

Change your glass to a smaller one. And when your bottle is half gone, fill it up with water.

Also, think about the next decade and how your drinking at current limits will damage your health further. How will you look in ten years and what state will your already fatty liver be in then?

Good luck. You’ll do this.

I would think professional or semi professional help probably best. But for a DIY approach, if you're scared of physical withdrawal, my totally unqualified guessy plan would be:

Probably nip the wine in hand in front of telly in the bud for a start. Buy low alcohol wine- one bottle of ,maximum, in the house at a time. Start drinking quite late in the evening. Even better if you swap to some piss weak beer you don't like the taste of: IPA, if you hate that. Sit at the kitchen table. Turn the TV off and put your phone out of reach, force down a pint of water first then pour the manky beer into a small glass and concentrate on drinking it like medicine. Glass of water before bedtime.

The next week: two of the wine mini bottles or equivalent in piss weak disgusting tasting beer.

The next week one.

Then none.

And take plenty of B vits morning noon and night from the start and sweets for the sugar craving, and try to eat decent meals 3 times a day.

Sorry for the gaps, phone being weird. Lots of people successfully get off booze and live happily ever after. Good luck.

I'm so sorry

I am deeply grateful you have shared your experience. This is my biggest fear and exactly what will happen if I don't get get a grip of myself.

Example. You drink 1 bottle of wine a night. Cut down to 3 quarters for 3 days. And so on until you are eventually splitting 1 bottle over 2 days, saving trips to the shops. Once you are splitting one bottle over a couple of days for roughly 1 week you are out of any danger from the withdrawals, and can continue to reduce. Think 1 bottle for 3 days. Slow laborious process, but totally possible safely. Also go easy on yourself, be kind to yourself. You've got this.

OP I am another example of a child of an alcoholic. My mother drank throughout my childhood and eventually drank herself to death at the age of 48. My little sister was only 7 at the time. My dad still drinks every night. I honestly grew up thinking it was "normal" to drink all the time. By the age of about 22 I was also drinking a bottle of wine a night, often more. Regularly had blackouts.This continued until I met my DH. I found it so weird that he didn't really drink. His family might have a bottle between them ALL every now and then. it was a revelation. I don't think I was mentally addicted which was strange. It was more habit but turns out I was physically. I had the shakes, sweats and insomnia for the first couple of days of stopping. So it totally is a thing. I was lucky that was all I had. So please go to the doctor. Get help. Show your kids it isn't normal. And be around for them when they grow up.
I stopped completely for a couple of years and now might have a glass every now and again but only 1. Like I said though I was lucky. You can do it.

Also splitting 1 bottle over 2 days won't work. Sorry. You could pour half down the sink before your start maybe, but if there is half left and you've already started drinking I'm pretty sure you'll finish the bottle.

Read alcohol explained- game changer for me, and Annie Lee Grace book this naked mind. Really helpful. Also there are so many sobriety podcasts, listen to them, many people have been in the same boat. Pm me if you like - I stopped just under a year ago for similar reasons. You CAN do it. Goods luck.x

Was there really any need for the sarky comment?

Please also know that you are doing the right thing, you're questioning your habit and asking for help. You're clearly concerned about your daughter and want to change things. Fair play to you. Sometimes people can come across very critical and I think it can be unfair and unhelpful (personally). No point in chasing someone away when they're recognising and trying to change their habit.

That’s a great idea because by the time you get to the last one, you won’t want to pour it away.

But do maybe investigate the books, always good to have to hand if you feel you might want a look at one.

I second others in that you’re doing really well by making this first step so well done!
From what I know about addiction the self loathing doesn’t help at all. You truly need to love and admire yourself and be proud if yourself. You need self love to take control and make it feel worth it. It’s really good you’re having counselling and maybe (deep breath) mention the drinking. You’re already making a good start and I think you’ll get there op.

I can't second this enough. The self loathing (if it's bad enough) practically 'forces' you to drink. To switch off the horrible thoughts for a short while. Of course this usually ends in the same way, a double dose of self loathing for the next morning. But having people piling on doesn't help. There is such a thing as compassion like.

Go to AA. There are people there who will be able to talk you through withdrawal. Your symptoms are concerning ( ex-h was an alcoholic)
Could your children stay with family for a few weeks if you could get into a rehab ?
I know you’re scared of SS but better to work with them, recover ( you might find you have to do no alcohol eventually) and have a happier future with your children than become an inpatient on a transplant list.
I really wish you well , you want to change your drinking and that’s the first , and often the hardest, step.

I genuinely appreciate every single comment, harsh or not. I honestly thought I'd have more harsh replies and I need to hear them.

Oh lovely, you are being very harsh indeed on yourself. I'm sure that you would never treat a friend, a sibling or a child so harshly. It's possible this is an attitude that you picked up early in life.

Whatever else you do, have a go at treating yourself kindly. Think about what you would advise a loved one to do, then do that.

Here are some hugs (or a friendly hand, if you don't do hugs) from a stranger on the internet to get you started. Keep it going.

Firstly well done for admitting you have a problem. That's important because you recognise that something needs to change.

Secondly definitely get back in touch with AA, they will help, they will not judge, and you will have the support of others, doing it on your own is a lonely path.
Change your routine of an evening and do something different instead, maybe gardening now it's lighter of an evening? Go to the gym or take up a new hobby (knitting might be good as it's keeping your hands busy)

Thirdly, please please take this opportunity to stop, and do not carry on drinking. My friend had a liver transplant last year. His liver had stopped functioning due to scarring (cirrhosis), and without a transplant he was on a one way street. Luckily he stopped drinking, stabilised his liver and then was put forward for transplant, very fortunately a liver subsequently became available.. Major major major surgery - no fun, recovery tricky with armfuls of tablets to take every day.. Thankfully he's doing well, and is sticking to his no alcohol/good diet, and telling everyone do not drink like he did.

Oh and just for distractions, PP mentioned crochet above, knitting is also good. And (silly as it may sound) adult (not x rated 🤣) colouring books are very calming of an evening. Keeps the hands occupied and the artttention focussed of an evening. And you have a lovely picture and sense of achievement at the end of it!

I am surprised there would be social services involvement if you go to the GP for help. My father was an alcoholic. Ruined my teenage years and any opportunity I had for university which has had a knock on effect throughout my life. He went to his GP finally when I was 22, and from there, into detox at a hospital, then into a residential addiction place for 3 months. My sister was 7 years old at that time. Never was social services involved.

My friend died two years ago of liver failure from drinking too much (wine). She was 56 and had a 15 year old child. He loved her, as did I, but she let alcohol make a mess of his life and hers.

Go to AA. Get some non-judgmental help and advice before things get even worse.

OP google 'Drug and Alcohol Services' followed by your area. I was looking recently for a friend and found some useful organisations this way that you could self-refer to. They're the same places the GP would refer you to but without getting the GP involved.

However, also consider whether anti-depressants could help? This was certainly the case for my friend. Once she was on medication for depression she managed to kick the habit (🤞)

I think you genuinely need to speak to your dr. I was hospitalised to withdraw from alcohol and it was hell but I didn't lose my children SS where involved but they actually really helped

I'd second this too, i've been on them for the last few weeks and i really feel a difference. I was suicidal a month ago. I feel a bit more 'normal miserable' now.But I would say to PP, when people come on with the 'bible thumping' attitude, it can totally scare someone off getting outside help for fear of judgement. Not talking about you Doje btw but if people actually want to help and support the OP, berating will not help.

A hand hold to you OP. I drank similar amounts while attempting to self medicate during a horrible divorce. I got so worried about it that I managed to gradually cut back more than 10 years ago, I stopped having wine with dinner or Sunday lunch and cut back from there. After a while I stopped craving a glass while watching TV mid week and then worked on reducing my weekend wine drinking. These days I only drink when out socially. I haven't had an alcoholic drink in the house for weeks. I didn't need AA but was not opposed to the idea. I realised that I was psychologically depending on alcohol but wasn't an alcoholic. You may need to stop completely but maybe try cutting back first

Also people I know absolutely love AA. It saved their life and was a whole community of amazing people. One of my friends travels all over the work and she always makes sure she goes to a local AA group when she travels. She finds it really inspiring and has made firm friends everywhere.