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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to be a "teachable moment"

224 replies

MrsWidgerysLodger · 23/03/2023 23:06

So I've very recently found myself needing a wheelchair and we visited a local cafe after picking up DD from school this afternoon. We purposely chose this cafe as it's kid friendly, lots of floor space and very close to our home.

As it started to get busy a woman a s her two daughters asked if they could share our table, no issues with that there was plenty of room. When we went to leave however, she asked if I could tell her daughters why I was in a wheelchair and actually used the phrase "teachable moment". I completely wasn't expecting it so kind of panicked and said I didn't really want to talk about it and we left.

So not to drip feed, this was one of my first "outings" in the chair. It's taken a lot for me to admit I need one so MAY be a bit sensitive still when asked about it.

I'm.now wondering if IWBU not to explain myself to these two girls.

My DH says it's fine and no-one has a right to know but I can't help thinking I may have appeared rude which I absolutely didn't want to do. I just wasn't prepared to be asked that question and TBH I'm still not sure how I feel about being called a "teachable moment"

Hoping for some unbiased perspective.

OP posts:
TheCentreSlide · 23/03/2023 23:08

She was incredibly intrusive and entitled and you were restrained in response.

Feel unperturbed by your own behaviour - hers needs some work.

InvincibleInvisibility · 23/03/2023 23:08

It was a teachable moment- not to ask personal questions!!!

You were absolutely right and I hope she was mortified.

user1471447924 · 23/03/2023 23:08

Well it looks like her child’s “teachable moment” was the importance of not asking nosy questions of strangers! How rude!

Albiboba · 23/03/2023 23:09

I don’t even understand the scenario, in what way would your answer have been a teachable moment?

ChiefPearlClutcher · 23/03/2023 23:10

What a cow.

You were very restrained!!

Phoebo · 23/03/2023 23:10

InvincibleInvisibility · 23/03/2023 23:08

It was a teachable moment- not to ask personal questions!!!

You were absolutely right and I hope she was mortified.

This. I think she meant no harm, and probably thought it would be good for her children to learn but you had every right to feel uncomfortable and it doesn't sound like you were rude at all.

PhotoTakenOnAToaster · 23/03/2023 23:11

YANBU.
I’d never dream of asking someone to explain to DC why they are in a wheelchair. She was outstandingly rude.If a DC piped up ‘why are you in a wheelchair’, as curious children may do, that’s one thing, but for an adult to turn you into a ‘teachable moment’ is appalling.

FoxCorner · 23/03/2023 23:11

It was her being weird not you

Clymene · 23/03/2023 23:12

What a rude and horrible woman.
I heard Liz Carr Who played Clarissa in Silent Witness on Desert Island Discs the other day and she said it's no one's business why she uses a wheelchair. She's absolutely right.

Marblessolveeverything · 23/03/2023 23:13

What a cheek she had. I agree with pp, she certainly provided a teachable moment - manners!

I hope you don't meet another twit and the chair excursions go well.

NowItsSpring · 23/03/2023 23:13

YANBU - I think the mother was insensitive and rude - you are a person, not a teachable moment. If one of the children had asked why you were in a wheelchair I think it would have been different and I probably would have answered something along the lines of not being able to walk very well.

Chattycathydoll · 23/03/2023 23:13

She needs to read her kids the book ‘what happened to You?’ By James catchpole.
After reading it to herself, because she still hasn’t got this lesson designed for actual children.

AngryBirdsNoMore · 23/03/2023 23:15

Appallingly rude of her.

I work with a lady who has been in a wheelchair for the entirety of the nearly 10 years we’ve worked in the same organisation. I have no idea why she’s in a wheelchair. I don’t think it’s any of my business to ask and she’s never volunteered any information.

im so sorry this happened to you on one of your first outings. All the best with your new chair.

Original poster
MrsWidgerysLodger · 23/03/2023 23:15

Thanks all for your responses. I guess I was a bit worried I came across as rude as my tone of voice was probably quite sharp (trying not to burst into tears in the cafe if I'm being completely honest) I'm a terrible overthinker and it's a quite a friendly community we live in so I didn't want to potentially have been rude.

Thank you again for your reassurances. Now to work out what to say next time I'm asked ( as we all know that there will bloody be one!)

OP posts:
Doormatnomore · 23/03/2023 23:15

At most, and it’s a stretch, if her cherubs has been to rude a ro ask in your hearing she could have said loud enough for you to hear “there could be lots of reasons but it’s none of our business and we certainly don’t speak about other people like they are objects” which would leave you the opportunity to give a reason or not. But even then it’s more about teaching children there’s going to be millions of different people who don’t owe them an explanation.

Original poster
MrsWidgerysLodger · 23/03/2023 23:16

Oh and I agree, if either of the girls had asked I may have found a way to explain more gently. Kids have no filter!

OP posts:
thaegumathteth · 23/03/2023 23:17

I'm in a similar position to you and would be equally flummoxed OP. I think I'd say my legs don't work as well or something but really WTAF is she up to asking??? Bizarre and you did nothing wrong.

Original poster
MrsWidgerysLodger · 23/03/2023 23:19

thaegumathteth · 23/03/2023 23:17

I'm in a similar position to you and would be equally flummoxed OP. I think I'd say my legs don't work as well or something but really WTAF is she up to asking??? Bizarre and you did nothing wrong.

I hope you're get used to your new chair and it gives you some freedom. I guess I need to find some kind of stock response just in case. I was so thrown by it as I'm not yet used to being out in the damn thing that I just panicked!

OP posts:
ValleyClouds · 23/03/2023 23:24

I'm a wheelchair user

You handled it perfectly OP

What a bellend

And now I'm prepared if I get this specific nonsense

I get a lot of nonsense

A German tourist once approached me in a train station and said he didn't know what a nice girl like me had done to offend God but he would definitely pray for me - I was so flabbergasted I just said to my regret OK

Original poster
MrsWidgerysLodger · 23/03/2023 23:29

ValleyClouds · 23/03/2023 23:24

I'm a wheelchair user

You handled it perfectly OP

What a bellend

And now I'm prepared if I get this specific nonsense

I get a lot of nonsense

A German tourist once approached me in a train station and said he didn't know what a nice girl like me had done to offend God but he would definitely pray for me - I was so flabbergasted I just said to my regret OK

He said WHAT?!?! Hells bells that takes the biscuit!

OP posts:
ValleyClouds · 23/03/2023 23:37

Yes - everyone who gives me support always says it's a real learning curve in how disabled people are treated.

Funnily enough in recent years the most patronised I have felt is in medical and healthcare settings ie people who should know better

Some of my worst experiences have been at the dentist funnily enough and I go to a specialist accessible dentist!

inamarina · 23/03/2023 23:38

I fully agree with you, OP. She was really intrusive.

Ineedcoffee2021 · 23/03/2023 23:40

How rude of her
your a person, not a teaching prompt

If it was the kids who asked, it wouldnt be so bad, kids are kids, no filter, speak of what they see but the mother, oh hell no, rude as fuck

HangingOver · 23/03/2023 23:41

What a giant smug twat she is

Phoebo · 23/03/2023 23:44

NowItsSpring · 23/03/2023 23:13

YANBU - I think the mother was insensitive and rude - you are a person, not a teachable moment. If one of the children had asked why you were in a wheelchair I think it would have been different and I probably would have answered something along the lines of not being able to walk very well.

That's actually a good point too what are you actually meant to say anyway to "teach"?

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