DS16 and his almost 16 yo GF. Asked if he could sit in his bedroom.

[RedHaired50]

Please tell me your experiences.

DS16 has been seeing his lovely GF who is almost 16, for over 3 months. They get on great.

They have mostly been hanging out at his GF house, which is much bigger than ours. There is an extra room downstairs where they can chill out and watch the tv.

DS has asked if his GF can come to ours. The only issue is, downstairs there is just a small living room and kitchen. He’s asked if they can sit in his bedroom. He’s already eye rolled and said no, they’re not going to have sex! (We have talked about this). It’s just somewhere they can chill out.

I feel bloody awful that our house is so small that he has no space to bring GF here to sit and chill out by themselves.

I do have GFs, DM number but I have no idea how to even ask if this would be ok with her.

I obviously told DS no for now.

Please tell me how you navigated this kind of situation.

Meant to add, I’ve said no initially but that she’s more than welcome to sit with us in the living room. You can imagine the eye roll.

Surely they can hang out in his bedroom for a bit? They can keep the door open if you’re worried.

What do you think is going to happen?

Why can’t they go to his room ?

Yes, of course he should be able to sit in his bedroom with her. Presumably you've had conversations with him about consent, safe sex and the fact that she is underage? Make him keep the door open if you're really worried, but I find a bit of trust goes a long way with teenagers.

A long time ago, when I was 16, any chance of being alone with a boyfriend meant a 'heavy petting' session! Sorry, that's probably not at all helpful.

@Burnamer what @whatwasIgoingtosay said.

You're probably going to get a whole spectrum of answers.

Personally I find it bizarre that a 16 year old needs permission to be in his room with his GF. I think YABU by saying no, especially given he has seemingly been open enough to even discuss sex with you.

Just my 2 cents.

Two 16 year olds?

So, why would they not be allowed to sit in his room?

Please don't embarrass them by contacting her parents

@user40816 we’ve got a great relationship and have had the sex talk!

GF parents, due to have the extra space downstairs, don’t allow them to go to her bedroom, so I feel I have to follow suit.

Sorry, didn’t mean to drip feed there.

Just tell them to leave the door open. Remind him sound travels in small houses. And wander upstairs occasionally 🙂

@premicrois GF is 15! Almost 16!

Well going against the grain, I think it’s really responsible of you. I wouldn’t want my not quite turned 16 year old daughter in her boyfriend’s room, it’s pretty obvious what’s going to happen, maybe when she turns 16…how long will that be?

Oo! Let me think about that for a moment. Don't you remember being 16?

@summerpoolandsun a couple of months.

Why dont you go have a lie down in your Bedroom and leave them to it downstairs.
Have a bath and take a chill pill and let them have a few hours together downstairs. Will that work?

They are still allowed in a (presumably private) space together though. As I'm sure you well know/remember from your comment to a PP, "heavy petting" doesn't need a bed so I can't see a great deal of difference.

Who are you following suit for? Their protection (which you need to ask yourself whether they're the type to go against what you've discussed), or her parents?

Have the door open a crack and knock occasionally to offer snacks . Also put a big ‘no sex’ sign up. Maybe do a bit of hoovering on the landing.

I would let them. It's a different set of circumstances to GFs parents house.

Sorry I just saw 16 twice

When I was almost 16, my boyfriend was 17. (Two years above me at school.) My parents knew him relatively well.
We spent a lot of time in my room - snogging, snuggling up together, listening to music. My parents/older sister would regularly pop by the room, so we never actually got up to more than a bit of a snog/over clothes fondle.

When he stayed over, he stayed in the spare bed in my younger brother’s room (we didn’t have a spare room.)
Once I turned 16, those rules didn’t change.

I really don't understand why it would be an issue.

It’s not long to go, till then I like one of the other posters ideas that you give them the living room for a few hours, they are unlikely to do too much there apart from kissing…I respect your thinking about this and hope when my daughter is 15 another parent acts the same way 🤞

I agree. I think it good that op wants to maintain some boundaries - I think too many just throw up their hands and say ‘well they’ll do it anyway’ and let them do what they want.

It is also good to respect the wishes of the gf’s parents to keep them out of the bedroom. When the weather gets warmer they can have a cosy space outside with maybe a fire pit or something but until then I’m sure the gf’s family won’t mind if you haven’t got the space.

Presumably her parents know she is at your house? Even if not, it's her responsibility to let them know. So I can't see why you have to keep them downstairs just because they stay downstairs at her house. Your house, ypur rules / convenience. If they want to have sex, I assume they'd find a way / place to do so. If you are clear about it not happening at your place, why can't they go upstairs? Maybe insist on the door being open if you want to.