DS16 and his almost 16 yo GF. Asked if he could sit in his bedroom.

[RedHaired50]

Please tell me your experiences.

DS16 has been seeing his lovely GF who is almost 16, for over 3 months. They get on great.

They have mostly been hanging out at his GF house, which is much bigger than ours. There is an extra room downstairs where they can chill out and watch the tv.

DS has asked if his GF can come to ours. The only issue is, downstairs there is just a small living room and kitchen. He’s asked if they can sit in his bedroom. He’s already eye rolled and said no, they’re not going to have sex! (We have talked about this). It’s just somewhere they can chill out.

I feel bloody awful that our house is so small that he has no space to bring GF here to sit and chill out by themselves.

I do have GFs, DM number but I have no idea how to even ask if this would be ok with her.

I obviously told DS no for now.

Please tell me how you navigated this kind of situation.

@Burnamer 😂😂😂😂😂😂

What do YOU think is going to happen? 🙄🤦‍♀️

I'd let them have the lounge too and busy about upstairs.

My teenage mum’s boyfriend used to go and watch telly in her room for a few hours so we could sit in the lounge. We’d have sex as quick as we could straight away then he’d take her a cup of tea. Later she’d come down and sit in the sex spot while we all watched The Word.
I’m not suggesting for a minute your son is an absolute cretin like I was but if they want to do it they’ll find a way 😁

It’s fine but door open and wander past to the bathroom or send a sibling up if one is available

My DD is younger so it’s a flat no to bedrooms. I generally sit in the kitchen or go upstairs and chill out and let them have the living room here. Similar rules to when DSD was a teenager although she definitely got up to more than DD is 😬🤦‍♀️

Door to be left open, with a 'one strike and she's out' caveat in case they close it.

Pop up and downstairs at random.

I doubt they're going to shag in those circumstances, and if they're snogging (with full enthusiastic consent) then so what, at 16 and 15?

Yes of course but his mum is going to be in the house and it’s not a mansion……
with the door open and occasional enquiries as to if they want a drink they’re not going to be at it!

@TheTempest thats a good idea!

Will work when DH is on late shift, otherwise there’s be no way he’d be ousted to our bedroom!

I would allow then in his room with the door open. Then potter about now and again or offer drinks.

@Burnamer yes, to be fair, we can hear everything going on in this house, which is why DH & I have had to be quiet for 16 years! 😏

I would allow it myself but in the circumstances, as a matter of respect, I would ask her parents if they are ok with it as you know they don't do so at their home.

Yeah, it would be a no from me.

When I was 15 and my boyfriend was 16 we were allowed in his room. We did lots of things we shouldn’t have been doing.

At 16, my ds only love was his computer so I didn’t have this. But I would have said no based on what I got up to.

Yup! Did that too!

@Woodywasatwat i was the same.

Our house was busy, older siblings with GFs, think when I brought my BF home at 15, it was almost like we were invisible. We could do what we liked really. We were together for 10 years afterwards though.

I would allow it - and I have a 16 year old son

But I'd be saying that I'd like the door open and I'd give a nice reminder that I could pop in at any time (I wouldn't but you know)

And then, as time goes on, the trust would grow and I'd be more relaxed

Have them keep the door open unless you are ready to become a grandmother

I'd allow it with the door open.

I allowed DD and her boyfriend upstairs at the same age, I even allowed the BF to stay over once she had turned 16. They are old enough to get married after all, My parents let my steady boyfriend stay over once I was 16, and this was in the 80s, don't see the issue really

All these “helpful” suggestions but from experience, if they want sex they will already be having it.

Is it really the end of the world if they have sex? I know she's almost 16 but they're in a relationship and your kid has a good and open relationship with you. As long as they're sensible (and discreet) it's not the end of the world.

Or make them keep the door open and yell from downstairs "use protection!". That'll kill the mood

OP - I mean this kindly but if they’re going to have sex then They’re going to have sex. Stopping him from going into his bedroom to hang out and cuddle isn’t going to stop the sex. They will find somewhere else to do it. You can’t stop it IF they’ve decided to do it, all you can do is educate him on safe sex. If you’re concerned about the bedroom activity then make sure the rule is they keep the door open at all times.

Absolutely. It's probably better they do it safely at home than behind the bus stop on the side of the A27.

I’ve no doubt that sex has been talked about (I was a teen once)!

I’m also fully aware that I have potentially another person’s DD who is underage in our house!

Maybe decide upon your rules and then check with her parents to ensure they’re happy and go from there.

@TartanAndTweed i agree! But as the DM of a 16 year old DS, with a GF who is by law underage, with parents who haven’t allowed them to go to her bedroom, I’m looking at the bigger picture!