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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS16 and his almost 16 yo GF. Asked if he could sit in his bedroom.

224 replies

RedHaired50 · 14/03/2023 18:19

Please tell me your experiences.

DS16 has been seeing his lovely GF who is almost 16, for over 3 months. They get on great.

They have mostly been hanging out at his GF house, which is much bigger than ours. There is an extra room downstairs where they can chill out and watch the tv.

DS has asked if his GF can come to ours. The only issue is, downstairs there is just a small living room and kitchen. He’s asked if they can sit in his bedroom. He’s already eye rolled and said no, they’re not going to have sex! (We have talked about this). It’s just somewhere they can chill out.

I feel bloody awful that our house is so small that he has no space to bring GF here to sit and chill out by themselves.

I do have GFs, DM number but I have no idea how to even ask if this would be ok with her.

I obviously told DS no for now.

Please tell me how you navigated this kind of situation.

OP posts:
DeedlessIndeed · 14/03/2023 20:10

I don't think the age of consent necessarily applies as they are so close in age... might be wrong but I feel that a GF 15 and BF 16 having sex is much less concerning compared with GF 16 and BF of say 19 or 20.

ZebraKid71 · 14/03/2023 20:11

For the sake of a few months I'd just say no. In real terms it is irrelevant and I have no issue with them either being allowed in his room or them choosing to have set. But in terms of protecting your son if there are any repercussions from him having sex with a minor and the approach her own parents take I would just ride it out for a few months then allow it.

Original poster
RedHaired50 · 14/03/2023 20:11

@SlightlyJaded thanks for posting! It’s a bloody minefield!

I would feel better messaging GFs, DM but have no idea how to even word the message!

My DM has no idea how easy life was for her with no mobile phones!! This conversation would NEVER happen back in the 80’s!

OP posts:
Vloader23 · 14/03/2023 20:13

Unbelievably strange question. What will you do the day she turns 16? And do you not think they are up to whatever right now?

MN is a strange place

Rycbar · 14/03/2023 20:13

if it’s sex you’re worried about they’ll find a way to do it - room or no room.

Corah5 · 14/03/2023 20:14

An 18yo boy in my village was registered as a child sex offender for having sex with a girl two weeks before her 16th birthday. Parents found out and prosecuted. So no I wouldn’t risk it for your son’s own safety.

StrawHatOnTheParcelShelf · 14/03/2023 20:15

If the parents have let her go around to yours then they're tacitly accepting your decisions about where she goes in your house. You don't need to try to replicate their rules or second guess what they would want. Surely they must be aware that most teens don't have their own living room.

Workawayxx · 14/03/2023 20:16

I’d say wait till gf is 16 then let them in DS’s room with the door open and don’t mention to her parents. It’s up to her if she does.

Original poster
RedHaired50 · 14/03/2023 20:17

@Vloader23 I disagree.

OP posts:
momtoboys · 14/03/2023 20:19

Hold onto your hat and be prepared to be called “controlling” “old” and be told how you setting boundaries is bound to push them into the nearest bed. 🤣

Threeboysandadog · 14/03/2023 20:22

Ds1 had his first girlfriend at 15. She was also 15 but six months older and with previous experience of boyfriends. They spent time in his bedroom, mostly revising for exams but, I’m sure, up to other things too. We had two younger children in the house and no spare room so there wasn’t much choice.

Ds3 is now 16 and has just started seeing a girl so it’s all about to start again!

Vloader23 · 14/03/2023 20:23

RedHaired50 · 14/03/2023 20:17

@Vloader23 I disagree.

What do you disagree with? You didn't answer either question and I'm not sure there was any statement to disagree with 🤔

Hottubby · 14/03/2023 20:25

Not read the whole thread but why would you say no? And why can’t they have sex? They are 16. As long as they are safe it’s important to have fun when you are young, why do we repress it so much?

Original poster
RedHaired50 · 14/03/2023 20:28

@Hottubby if you’d read the title, you’d know GF was 15!

OP posts:
Frozendaquiri · 14/03/2023 20:32

RedHaired50 · 14/03/2023 20:11

@SlightlyJaded thanks for posting! It’s a bloody minefield!

I would feel better messaging GFs, DM but have no idea how to even word the message!

My DM has no idea how easy life was for her with no mobile phones!! This conversation would NEVER happen back in the 80’s!

Hi X, DS has asked if his GF can come over, we're more than happy to have her. Just want to check if there are any house rules you have in place so we are all on the same page? Let me know, thanks

Original poster
RedHaired50 · 14/03/2023 20:32

@Vloader23 i disagree that it is an ‘unbelievably strange question’ - why?

Can you imagine if I allow DS and his UNDERAGE, GF into his bedroom and her parents go ballistic?

They’re both not at the age of consent! If the shit hit the fan, DS would be the one in trouble!

OP posts:
Getting2me · 14/03/2023 20:33

Hottubby · 14/03/2023 20:25

Not read the whole thread but why would you say no? And why can’t they have sex? They are 16. As long as they are safe it’s important to have fun when you are young, why do we repress it so much?

I questioned that too and then I thought about it, it's probably because of teenage pregnancies/stds/drama/too young to make the decision?

Runningonjammiedodgers · 14/03/2023 20:33

I worry about my DS putting himself at risk when he is older having sex with someone who is 15 when he is 16. I would def keep them out of his room until she is 16. They may well have found other places to do the deed already, but at least by keeping them out of his room you are doing all you can to protect him.

Like a PP said I would leave them to it once they are both 16. No need to tell her mum.

Original poster
RedHaired50 · 14/03/2023 20:35

@Getting2me GF is 15!

OP posts:
Original poster
RedHaired50 · 14/03/2023 20:35

I repeat everyone!

GIRLFRIEND IS 15!

OP posts:
Getting2me · 14/03/2023 20:37

How far is she off being 16. If there isnt much of an age difference the police wont care

Vloader23 · 14/03/2023 20:38

RedHaired50 · 14/03/2023 20:32

@Vloader23 i disagree that it is an ‘unbelievably strange question’ - why?

Can you imagine if I allow DS and his UNDERAGE, GF into his bedroom and her parents go ballistic?

They’re both not at the age of consent! If the shit hit the fan, DS would be the one in trouble!

He wouldn't be in trouble.

Anyway I can see you ar completely ignoring my questions and are more interested in dramatising the situation.

Best of luck, fingers crossed your Victorian attitude doesn't result in a teen pregnancy!

Original poster
RedHaired50 · 14/03/2023 20:41

@Vloader23 I disagree, in Victorian times a 16 year old boy wouldn’t have been prosecuted for sex with a 15 year old minor!

as you were….

what questions have I ignored btw?

OP posts:
Runningonjammiedodgers · 14/03/2023 20:41

Vloader23 · 14/03/2023 20:38

He wouldn't be in trouble.

Anyway I can see you ar completely ignoring my questions and are more interested in dramatising the situation.

Best of luck, fingers crossed your Victorian attitude doesn't result in a teen pregnancy!

Show quote history

She is asking for advice to help her navigate a new situation. Why do you have to be a dick? Does it make you feel happy inside?

OurCrazyHouseIsFullOfLove · 14/03/2023 20:42

My ds never even asked. They just came in said hi and went up