To demand my seat on a train

[Pondere]

This is one of those situations where I feel terrible and don’t know I was being unreasonable, but also think I wasn’t.

Have a train booked for a 4 hour journey. I deliberately booked a seat by the window and at a table. I was running late for the train so by the time I got on it was packed but went to my seat to find a man sitting there. He said it’s his seat but after telling me the seat number, he had at the aisle and I had the window.

He hesitated for a minute before slowly unplugging his laptop, etc then asked if I can seat in the aisle or do I want the window. I said the window.

He then asked if I’m ok. I was a little flustered from rushing for the train but wasn’t upset or anything so said I’m fine. He got up and I went in to my seat.

I booked a window seat because, well I like a window seat. I like being in the corner rather than having people constantly brush past my in the aisle. I also am more comfortable by the window than the aisle. But seeing as the aisle was free (ie his seat), I do feel bad that I made him move when I could have sat there.

YABU - you shouldn’t have made him move, a seat is a seat.

YANBU - you booked a specific seat and he should have easily accepted that.

I also wonder if him asking me if I’m ok was because me being assertive and wanting my seat must mean there is something wrong with me, rather than me simply wanting the seat I reserved.

You are massively over thinking this....

You booked a seat you got your seat I don't see the issue?

You’re right, I am. Need to give myself a wobble and stop worrying about what a stranger thinks!

He's being a wanker and trying to make you feel bad. Ignore.

You have your reasons.

I prefer the aisle as I don't like being trapped.

Or he could see that she was flustered and was genuinely concerned....who knows.

So much instant negativity these days.

Yanbu. And he was was trying to patronise you by asking that.

Men ask you if you're OK when you've been assertive to put you back in your place. It's a misogynist thing.

I think the “are you ok” was trying to be patronising, regain control of the situation. It’s cunning as you can’t complain about it, but it makes him look big and you like you’re being silly. But you weren’t being silly!

I need an aisle seat as I’m claustrophobic. If someone did the same in reverse I’d be really annoyed if they said “are you ok” or tried to get me to explain why I need the aisle. Because I’ve booked it is why.

You could have accepted the aisle seat or requested the seat you booked. There's no right or wrong, just two options and you chose one.

If he didn't want to have to move seats then he should have checked carefully and made sure he sat in the right one.

He gave up the seat. He either asked if you were OK because you were flustered OR he was being patronising. I think it's most likely the former.

whole lot of fuss about nothing, he (seemingly) sat in the window seat as he mistakenly believed it was his. When you made it clear it was yours he asked if you would want to take his aisle seat to stop the faff of switching if you didn't really care, you said you did, so he swapped with no complaint. I doubt he meant anything by his comment of "are you ok" OP was probably pink in the face and breathing heavier than normal.

You booked the seat, it's yours. You don't need to justify not letting someone else have it, for any reason.

Why do you feel bad for making him move?

You were completely within your rights to get the seat you booked.

He either made a mistake (got the right row but wrong position) or preferred your seat and took a chance that whoever had it booked wouldn't arrive. It's absolutely your right, and perfectly normal, to take the seat you booked - don't even waste headspace thinking you might be U or that you have to explain why you wanted it.

I think these exchanges can always feel a bit clunky because everyone is a bit stressed and rushed. I recently asked a family to move out of our seats when I had seen while waiting to get to them she had already been asked twice to move from other seats. She was really stressed by now, I waited patiently as I empathised but she still reacted like I was pushy. I wouldn't give it another thought. He could've booked the window sear if he wanted it that much.

So you got the seat you booked? Do you always cause a drama ?

You booked a seat. You asked for it. You got it.

Job done.

You asked, he complied.
You looked flustered, he checked in with you.

Other than him sitting in the wrong seat for whatever reason, it's a non issue surely?

Honestly I think some fuckers just sit in the seats to engineer a confrontation. You were right to tell him to move.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a situation where a woman had booked the same seat as me (luckily I got there first). She looked really flustered and I felt awful. But the train was packed and I wasn’t moving.

She had a Trainline ticket and mine was Avanti for the same train, same day, same seat.

You’re massively under thinking it. OP booked a seat. That guy obviously saw OP’s seat as preferential to his. He then asked her if she was ok because she wanted her own seat and that was after trying to make her feel uncomfortable fe wanting her seat that he clearly wanted. OP is just wondering what went on there. No over thinking going on, just basic level thinking.

I also agree the "are you okay" could be a patronising power play. But it's impossible to know without hearing the tone.

I book window seats with a table so that I have easy access to the sockets as I nearly always have work to do on a train.

It's not unusual for people who are using laptops and who haven't booked those seats to sit in them. They don't tend to like being requested to move and some will say, "But I need the socket." Because plainly I, sitting there with a battery-draining mobile hotspot, a laptop, and an extra screen somehow have amazing battery power and won't need a socket in a 2-5hr journey.

I don't understand why you are even thinking about this, you booked a seat and sat in your booked seat. I used to make sure I booked the seat with a plug (they didn't used to have one on both sides) I'd have no hesitation asking someone for my seat. I wouldn't bother sitting in a different seat as the chances are the person you are asking to move is a cheeky chancer and doesn't even have a seat booked, so when the person comes to boot you out their seat, you then have to ask the person in your seat to also move so you can have your seat. Just sit in your booked seat, less hassle all round (except for the person who hasn't bothered to book!).

The window is much nice. He was being an arse.