To demand my seat on a train

[Pondere]

This is one of those situations where I feel terrible and don’t know I was being unreasonable, but also think I wasn’t.

Have a train booked for a 4 hour journey. I deliberately booked a seat by the window and at a table. I was running late for the train so by the time I got on it was packed but went to my seat to find a man sitting there. He said it’s his seat but after telling me the seat number, he had at the aisle and I had the window.

He hesitated for a minute before slowly unplugging his laptop, etc then asked if I can seat in the aisle or do I want the window. I said the window.

He then asked if I’m ok. I was a little flustered from rushing for the train but wasn’t upset or anything so said I’m fine. He got up and I went in to my seat.

I booked a window seat because, well I like a window seat. I like being in the corner rather than having people constantly brush past my in the aisle. I also am more comfortable by the window than the aisle. But seeing as the aisle was free (ie his seat), I do feel bad that I made him move when I could have sat there.

YABU - you shouldn’t have made him move, a seat is a seat.

YANBU - you booked a specific seat and he should have easily accepted that.

Totally agree.

All these women on here getting their pants in a twist about the guy asking if the OP is okay. Suddenly jumping down his throat as he is patronising / infantilising / talking down to the OP. It's hysterical really as no one actually knows the guys intentions of why he asked if the OP was okay but the OP said herself she got flustered.. but he asked if SHE was okay and the OP didn't even say 'please' (apparently saying please to the guy in her seat is a big no no according to some on this thread) but the man in this situation is a 'misogynistic' twat.

The guy was a chancer and the seat was available when he got on the train. He moved out the way when the OP asked him to. I also can't see how somebody can 'slowly unplug a laptop' unless they're a sloth.

I feel sorry for some of the husbands on here of these men-hating women.

I think not. I suspect he sat in that seat a) knowing it wasn't his and b) hoping the British politeness would stop someone asking him to move.

I had to move a bloke from a table window seat I had booked. He was like 'are you sure you want this seat?' I was like 'That's why I booked it' He was not happy.

Think you need to take the advice in your user name 😂

@UdoU

Rich coming from you saying women are under attack 😂😂😂 bit of a cop out there when there are real world things happening and actual human beings being under attack. Not some guy chancing a what he thought was a vacant seat on a train.

Take your drama elsewhere hun.
The drama and hysteria on this thread is laughable.

Personally I’d have only moved someone if it meant me and DD having to sit separate. If travelling alone I wouldn’t have cared, and if he’d got off before me I’d have then moved into that seat….
however it’s your prerogative whether you want to insist on the booked seat or not.

I would have done exactly the same. If I have taken the trouble to book a seat, then I expect to sit in it. Polite but assertive is the only way to go.

You're in the wrong place on MN if you don't subscribe to the rule that all men as 'wankers', far too sensible. Repeat 100 times a day 'whatever they do, they're wrong'.

I feel like this story should follow by you got chatting on your journey…. Fast forward 10 years and you’re getting married… this is a funny ‘how we met’ story. Anyway didn’t go like that. Def overthinking the situation, he sat in wrong seat… set up his laptop. Mildly inconvenient to him to unplug and move seats after he had set up… which is why he hesitated, maybe chance his luck that you’d just sit in the aisle seat, not coz he’s a man and an asshole but coz he’s human and we all chance our luck sometimes, you didn’t want the aisle seat, he moved, you got your seat. No issues. The ones saying him asking if she was ok was anything other than perhaps just being nice… wow. OP is right in saying so much instant negativity nowadays 🙄🙄🙄

I’m genuinely puzzled how so many PP think it that common for strangers to ask if each other are “ok?” in situations such as this one. Yes normal to say to strangers all the time “how are you” etc - social conversational fillers & codes of speech but not to directly enquire if the person sitting next to them is “ok”? after them being asked to move ie in this context.

She’s asking him to do something that clearly from OP’s description is a mild inconvenience to him. He asks perfectly reasonably if OP wants the aisle seat instead given it’s the seat next to hers hardly a big deal & she states her preference for the window one. It’s not polite, good manners or usual in this context on having established her preference to ask then if she’s ok?

It’s very common for people to be flustered on trains, it’s situationally common for there to be a degree of stress in running for trains, finding seats, etc. Timings, rush, faffing. Her appearance possibly red faced would be normal also in having to inconvenience someone who looks all settled, plugged in & possibly reluctant to move - causing a degree of attention to herself or the situation. Drawing further attention to her state at that time isn’t particularly good manners of him & appears more to be power play. Especially if she was red faced, out of breath or just stressed. Its situationally normal to be in that “state” & him pointing out her state in this context doesn’t seem particularly out of concern for her well-being. She’s a stranger & is asking him to move not tell him about her emotional or mental state! What was he going to do do if she said “No no I’m not ok actually?”

His role in this situation was to comply gracefully without fuss or guilt tripping. That the OP has come on here to query if she’s was BU for asserting her wishes suggests his manner & slow unplugging of devices & then questioning her current state of well-being - suggests he was being a passive aggressive.

And asking her to say “please” is further evidence of this. Suggesting he was put out & making out she was the one being unreasonable & even rude to him. Whether she begged him on her knees or politely asked if she could have her seat - given he was in her seat & therefore he was the one in the “wrong” (even though it’s hardly a big deal) his role was to facilitate her getting her rightful seat & not the other way round.

He sounds like he was irked & resorted to patronising behaviour. That’s not misandric, bitter or man hating - its an observation of power play.

Nope. It's your seat that you paid for. He was being rude to you when he asked if you were ok, trying to belittle you.
Never let people push you about. I never do because when I was younger I got treated like shit because I was shy. Not anymore!

Whenever anyone asks me anything stupid like 'are you OK?' In a patronising tone I always say 'sorry?' as if I didn't quite hear to force them to awkwardly repeat their stupidity for my amusement

I do that whenever anyone says anything stupid. It’s extremely effective and draws so much attention to them. I’ve never had anyone say something again without looking extremely uncomfortable.

Jesus there are some nasty passive aggressive people around.

Difficult to tell without tone, but if you're on here worrying about it, he was probably being quite rude and patronising. I wouldn't worry about it either way.

You were right. Stop thinking and worrying about it.

I do this to men when they ask if im ok in a PA manner and I throw in a hun at the end.

Him: Are you okay?
Me: I'll be okay when I get my seat!

Yeah u did the rite thing they tried to see how far they could push u by ignorance in asking if u wanted ur riteful seat so I agree with how u handled it

I agree that you should insist on getting your booked seat. Who knows what the guy meant. You could have retorted " yes thanks, how are you?"
I recently booked a window seat in the quiet carriage on a 3 hour journey. It was already taken by a couple who had booked the same seat. Apparantly Carriage C from Paddington magically becomes Carriage F in Berkshire. The response of the train staff member was " well you've got a seat now haven't you?" When I was forced to sit further down the carriage.
Yes I did have a seat, but had some little fucker excited kids screaming and kicking about the whole journey sitting in front of me. Brilliant.