To demand my seat on a train

[Pondere]

This is one of those situations where I feel terrible and don’t know I was being unreasonable, but also think I wasn’t.

Have a train booked for a 4 hour journey. I deliberately booked a seat by the window and at a table. I was running late for the train so by the time I got on it was packed but went to my seat to find a man sitting there. He said it’s his seat but after telling me the seat number, he had at the aisle and I had the window.

He hesitated for a minute before slowly unplugging his laptop, etc then asked if I can seat in the aisle or do I want the window. I said the window.

He then asked if I’m ok. I was a little flustered from rushing for the train but wasn’t upset or anything so said I’m fine. He got up and I went in to my seat.

I booked a window seat because, well I like a window seat. I like being in the corner rather than having people constantly brush past my in the aisle. I also am more comfortable by the window than the aisle. But seeing as the aisle was free (ie his seat), I do feel bad that I made him move when I could have sat there.

YABU - you shouldn’t have made him move, a seat is a seat.

YANBU - you booked a specific seat and he should have easily accepted that.

He sat where you should be. He was hoping that whoever was supposed to be in the seat ( he will have seen it was booked by the label/ticket sticking out of the top of the seat) would sit in the aisle seat.

He shouldn't have asked if you were okay unless he had good cause. He was being difficult about moving.

Just ignore the episode.

Balls to that, your seat, if he wanted a window he should have booked a window.

He was being a dick with "are you ok?"

You were fine and he was fine.

He might have been asking if you were ok because you were flustered and specifically wanted a window seat. He probably wanted to check you weren't anxious about train journeys or something.

I don't think you did anything wrong, although I don't think he needed to unplug his laptop. The socket is a shared resource for the two seats.

Yes it’s fine OP.
i was in the other persons shoes last time I went on a long train journey. I hadn’t bought an advance ticket as I wasn’t sure if I was going by train or driving until the day. Got ticket at the train window but didn’t even think that everyone would have booked specific seats. So I didn’t have a seat number! Each time I found an empty seat someone would get on the next stop even though I was really friendly and happy to move people looked really cross for having to ask.
On the return journey someone even said you are sitting in my seat! I said oh I’m so sorry my ticket doesn’t have a seat and they said it’s ok and sat down right next to me (there were loads of empty seats) but then huffed and pufffed and made it obvious they weren’t happy. After 1/2 hour they dramatically stood up and said I’m moving - I did book the window seat you know in a really mean voice. I would have been only to happy to move if they had said!

I think he was using his male-ness to try and get you to back down and give him the seat he wanted. What a bully.

I sat in the wrong seat at the cinema once. I picked up all my stuff and moved when I was asked to. There was no drama. I wasn't being an arse. There was no power play. Sometimes people just make a mistake. Not everything is a misogynistic microaggression.

It was just a mistake, you are fine to ask for the seat you booked - these things happen and he’s probably forgotten about it?

Don't overthink it.
Also you need to sit in your seat as his could have been booked for only part of your journey then you'd get turfed out.

I don't understand why you are still upset? He moved and you got your seat...

I suppose you could have asked for his name and phone number and then blocked him!

It doesn't matter why you want the seat. You booked it so it's yours. If he wants a window seat then she should have booked it.

Yanbu in the slightest

YANBU, just remain friendly. Try not to get all riled up about something so minor x

Otherwise it's an awkward 4 hours!

There's absolutely nothing at all in the OP's post to suggest that.

Men ask you if you're OK when you've been assertive to put you back in your place. It's a misogynist thing.

This

Maybe he was just being nice, sometimes things really are what they seem, no need to look for negatives in every tiny encounter.

You are not unreasonable OP.

I had a similar thing last time I travelled London to Sheffield . I book a forward facing seat. Man in it when I arrived. Asked was I sure I had read my ticket correctly? Resisted temptation to say something salty. Showed him my ticket, he moved opposite. Glad I didn’t get snotty with him as apart from that he was a decent human and loaned me his charging socket as I had forgotten mine.

A simple trick I’ve heard but yet to try is when someone throws you with a question like that in this situation ‘are you ok?’ Which lets face it, was probably being passive aggressive is to ask a question back and avoid answering, so in this instance ‘are you ok?’ With a concerned look on your face…. I’m hoping g to try it out soon next time I feel patronised!

the fact that you felt bad is the only problem here. He was in your seat. You asked him to move. He clearly did not want to move and you picked up on that and now you feel guilty. Plus you then assumed that he was being patronising with his "are you okay" comment as a result - which I think could have been him being a dick or genuine, it's impossible to say without having been there.

IMO, there's nothing wrong with sitting in a booked seat, if the train is pretty full - often people (particularly business travellers i think) book a seat then don't use it. But you should always move immediately and politely if the owner turns up. It sounds like he was deliberately being slow and repeatedly asking in order to push the OP into giving him the seat.

I book window seats with a table so that I have easy access to the sockets as I nearly always have work to do on a train.

Yes, me too. And like the OP I actually like a window seat - I actually feel less crowded in than on an aisle seat.

I expect he was thinking he'd struck it lucky and he'd be able to charge his laptop. In your situation @Pondere I'd have offered to plug his laptop back in and put up with the power cord across my lap.

This is where GWR is a superior train operating company (although that's not saying much). They have two sockets for each pair of seats, located between the seta. So both window & aisle passengers have a plug.

In that case I’d have suggested tossing a coin for it.

So if it was a woman it would concern but only because he was a bloke he was 100% patronising there could be no other reason for ir?

Are there always big long back stories to everything that happens? Can things not happen just because they happen?

Let me guess… He is now huffing and slightly spreading into your seat, OP?

I have had men patronisingly ask me if I am ok before when I have pointed out they are wrong/stood up for myself. I calmly ask them “what makes you ask that” so that I can get them to explain why they have asked and flag up they are a dick.

I'm unsure why your posting. You reasonably asked for your seat he reasonably gave you it. No drama. Why are you questioningl now? If you think it's an unfair system don't buy into it