To demand my seat on a train

[Pondere]

This is one of those situations where I feel terrible and don’t know I was being unreasonable, but also think I wasn’t.

Have a train booked for a 4 hour journey. I deliberately booked a seat by the window and at a table. I was running late for the train so by the time I got on it was packed but went to my seat to find a man sitting there. He said it’s his seat but after telling me the seat number, he had at the aisle and I had the window.

He hesitated for a minute before slowly unplugging his laptop, etc then asked if I can seat in the aisle or do I want the window. I said the window.

He then asked if I’m ok. I was a little flustered from rushing for the train but wasn’t upset or anything so said I’m fine. He got up and I went in to my seat.

I booked a window seat because, well I like a window seat. I like being in the corner rather than having people constantly brush past my in the aisle. I also am more comfortable by the window than the aisle. But seeing as the aisle was free (ie his seat), I do feel bad that I made him move when I could have sat there.

YABU - you shouldn’t have made him move, a seat is a seat.

YANBU - you booked a specific seat and he should have easily accepted that.

I would not call it demanding your seat, I'd call it asking in a courteous manner and although a bit slow to accept, a reasonable response.

I wouldn't read to deeply into this tbh. I very much doubt its all about male mysoginy and assertiveness. You booked a seat, you got your seat and he moved. Cant imagine taking time to post on a thread to check what I had done was ok!

I had something similar happen when I was a student. I’d booked a window seat at a table for four, from Crewe to London, and when I got onto the train three people were sitting at the table, including one man in my seat. I wasn’t worried at not having the window seat, so went to sit down in the vacant aisle seat, upon which the man told me they had booked that seat. Clearly he expected me to go away and find another seat, so they could have the table to themselves, by booking only the three seats they needed.

I told him that, in that case he was in MY booked seat,,and I’d like him to move, please - and he did, albeit with a bad grace.

Oh, and from their conversation, I learned that they had been at an assertiveness training course - I had an internal giggle at being more assertive than them, and wondered if he should get a refund.

Well done on sticking up for yourself!
He was chancing it to see if you would give in. You were right to stick to your reservation, because that’s what you had deliberately chosen and wanted.

I personally prefer the aisle as more leg space and easy to get out of the seat to move around!

They do. Works to ignore or say. 'Yes. Are you?' Pointedly. (Once you're in your seat)

Where did I say ‘you are part of the problem’ 😂

Are you just making stuff up now?

Hilarious. Good for you! They were clearly being jerks and hoping to deprive you of your booked seat entirely.

Exactly.

Much like i've never seen a man tell another man to 'Smile, love' when they're happy to spout that crap regularly at women.

So many cheeky fuckers around who either don't reserve a seat and then expect others to move or sit in the wrong seat (accidentally on purpose) and then reluctantly and slowly move when asked to.
If you have reserved a seat, that is your seat. If others haven't reserved a seat that's their problem. If they reserved an aisle seat when they wanted a window as there were no window seats left, that's just bad luck.
It's the same in planes - but in those cases you are often paying a fair bit more to choose a seat in advance (I've just paid €15 each way to choose a seat on my flights in the summer). No way on earth will I let anyone have my seat.

Never feel bad about asserting your right to sit in the seat you have booked.

Yanbu.

I like window seats and forward facing ones on the train as I get travel sick otherwise. But really the reason doesn’t matter, you booked it and it’s yours.

I would have made him move too. This is why I usually book single seats though.

You were right to sit in your prebooked seat. If you let the man stay in 'your' window seat, another person may have booked the aisle seat. They could come along and ask you to move. Then you would have no seat as the man would have the window seat i.e. your prebooked seat.

People don't want to understand this. If they were that stupid they would not have managed til now. If they want a certain seat they book it. They do not rock up and take yours.

I always argue 'what is the point of booking a seat if you can't sit in that seat'. Once I stood and leaned my backside on the table as someone was in my seat. They just would not move. Eventually another person vacated another seat in the group of 4, and I sat opposite the person who took my seat. They did not feel one bit uncomfortable.

'@EmmaEmerald
He's being a wanker and trying to make you feel bad. Ignore.'

Oh for crying out loud. Man asking if a woman is okay and he is a wanker. Stop being hysterical. Just waiting on the 'misogynistic' buzzword to come along in 3.. 2..
*
*

Didn't take long.

FFS! Do you really need to ask?

You didn't demand your seat, you requested the one that you had booked and that someone else was sitting in.

It doesn't matter why you wanted it or that you were running late - if you were running that late you'd have missed the train.

If you really do feel bad and think you ought to give in then I have a bridge to sell you.

Complete non issue.

I hate it when this happens! I'm like you, I prefer the window seat. It's annoying when someone steals a seat they haven't booked. You were right to stand your ground!

The sitting in the seat wouldn't fuss me. He's just a chancer. I do it too, but then just move. If he had just apologised, then fine. It's the pass agg behaviour which follows which would annoy me. Women are conditioned to be 'nice'. A man is bold, a women is abrasive. Fuck that.

Typical microagression. Most people check and know if the seat next to they're in is reserved with an eye to moving if it's claimed. This guy was just being entitled because I suppose, men are entitled.

Due to motion sickness I have to have a forward facing window seat - if possible I book with a table
I will always ask people to move politely and if I get reluctance - I just say that I’ve booked it to avoid being sick - they usually move sharpish

I think it’s obvious the guy thought it unreasonable of the op to ask for HER seat. I’m proud of you! It still makes me mad thinking about when we booked table seats on the train so I could study, we were taking a long weekend at the lakes and I couldn’t afford a weekend off study really so was a bit stressed. This couple were sitting there and she was brazen. Said it was her seat. I said show me your ticket, if you believe what you’re saying you’d show me your ticket - you won’t becasue you know it’s my seat. Her husband was embarassed but she wasn’t! I had to squeeze my laptop into a regular seat no table and try and study there and I was so angry. Entitled fucker.
So well done you!

you sound a bit awkward.
you could have asked him where he was getting off, and if before your destination, decided to sit in outside seat and move in when he got off. it's up to you, of course.
but it's best to arrive in good time to take your reserved seat.
if he'd sat in the outside one, he'd still have had to get up to let you in.
he didn't know if anyone was coming to claim that seat, so sat in it, thus making the outside one available to any latecomers.
not something that would bother me either way.
no one was rude.

"Hysterical" FFS. No wonder people use the word misogynist around you a lot. I can guarantee you don't call men hysterical

He thought he was in the right seat.

The 'are you okay' is classic patronising male bullshit.

The lazy arse man I used to work with was always asking me the same 'are you okay, you seem really stressed?' No mate, I am just doing my job you sly fucker.