To demand my seat on a train

[Pondere]

This is one of those situations where I feel terrible and don’t know I was being unreasonable, but also think I wasn’t.

Have a train booked for a 4 hour journey. I deliberately booked a seat by the window and at a table. I was running late for the train so by the time I got on it was packed but went to my seat to find a man sitting there. He said it’s his seat but after telling me the seat number, he had at the aisle and I had the window.

He hesitated for a minute before slowly unplugging his laptop, etc then asked if I can seat in the aisle or do I want the window. I said the window.

He then asked if I’m ok. I was a little flustered from rushing for the train but wasn’t upset or anything so said I’m fine. He got up and I went in to my seat.

I booked a window seat because, well I like a window seat. I like being in the corner rather than having people constantly brush past my in the aisle. I also am more comfortable by the window than the aisle. But seeing as the aisle was free (ie his seat), I do feel bad that I made him move when I could have sat there.

YABU - you shouldn’t have made him move, a seat is a seat.

YANBU - you booked a specific seat and he should have easily accepted that.

To 'Are you OK?' I would have replied 'I will be, once you've got out of my seat.' Patronising twonk.

I had this once on a table of four on a train dh and I were booked on a packed train and this foursome did not want to be broken up. I'd asked politely but no they weren't going to move on inch. Dh went to find the guard so I thought fuck you and sat on the table. when they complained I pointed out I have a ticket to sit down. All four had moved by the time dh returned with guard.
I'm a petty bitch at times.😆

Perfectly reasonable to ask him to move.

I would love a 4 hour train journey just looking out the window - much nicer than the aisle.

Women tend to be socialised to be nice, to be kind, to put other people's (primarily men's and children's) needs and wants before our own. You had every right to insist on occupying the seat you'd booked and wanted. I understand why you then agonised about whether you'd been unreasonable, because you're probably going against your inbuilt 'be kind' monitor, but it was fine. The man might have been a bit surprised, but it's unlikely that he gave it a second thought.

I probably would have smiled and replied' yes I'm fine thanks. How are you?'

On the return journey someone even said you are sitting in my seat! I said oh I’m so sorry my ticket doesn’t have a seat and they said it’s ok and sat down right next to me (there were loads of empty seats) but then huffed and pufffed and made it obvious they weren’t happy. After 1/2 hour they dramatically stood up and said I’m moving - I did book the window seat you know in a really mean voice. I would have been only to happy to move if they had said!

@PurpleWisteria1 I've had this. Get on a train, someone in my seat. Carriage was empty, so I didn't like to make a fuss, but then felt twitchy in case I was sitting in someone else's seat and might get turfed out

As soon as you realise that you're in a seat someone else has booked, you should offer to move

It's perfectly normal to want to have the seat you booked. He just wanted the plug he could have booked that too if he had been quick enough or thought about it.

She's posting because she wasn't sure whether she'd done anything wrong.

She accepted the first couple of responses telling her not to worry.

People often don't turn up for booked seats, so not unreasonable to take a window seat if it looks like the person who booked it hasn't turned up.

And nobody knows what the intention behind him asking if OP was ok, but naturally half the posters assume he was being a twat based on nothing.

I don’t see why this is such a big deal you needed to post?

Men often rely on women backing down and not being assertive. Be proud that you asked for the seat you booked. It will be easier next time.

I don't see why if it's not a big deal you bothered to reply?

I think this is the type of situation where women are brought up to feel guilty or bad and justify their actions when you did absolutely nothing wrong. I would have done the same. The guy was just being an ass.

Or... sometimes people are actually just nice.

THIS, EXACTLY, was what I was trying to say. No man would feel guilty for making a woman move.

First answer nails it.

Yeah, I think he was being misogynistic. Glad you stood your ground. I also prefer the window to snooze against and would have done the same thing. I probably would have put a comforting hand on his shoulder and asked "Are you ok?" because - well - I'm a twat.

Bloody hell, some of the male excusers on here, so, so tedious! If OP had been a man there would have been no "Are you ok?", however puce and puffing they'd been.

OP, you weren't in the wrong. Not at all.

Exactly, all men are wankers on MN.

YANBU. I wonder if he would have tried it on if you'd been male?

I would say 2 things

1. well done on sticking up for yourself, I am not sure it comes very easily to you.

1. ( won’t let me type 2. ! ) the next stage of this sticking up for yourself is not to let this man take up any more mental headspace. He won’t be thinking about it - and neither should you. I think this should be practised - I am the same and overthink things but then force myself to snap out of it.

When I take Amtrak in the US, I always book a business class seat. About half the time when I get on the train, there's some bloke with a coach class ticket sitting in it and they get arsey about moving. YANBU.

It's not excusing men to say that people on this thread have NO idea if the man was being a dickhead or not.

Because you don't. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn't but personally all the men (well, most of them) including my sonsin my life are actually nice people and I refuse to subscribe to the misandry which infects this forum at times.

I had the same experience today. Packed train, man in my seat. I asked him to move. He expresses faux suprise that I want the window seat. Asks 3 times am I sure I want the window seat. "The aisle seat isn't booked you know" "this seat is reserved".

Yes. Reserved by me. Twat. That's the seat I booked now fuck off.

This.

A certain kind of man will question a woman's sanity/wellness if she asserts herself. It probably works quite often as women are socialised to fit in/be nice. He's an arsehole.