To demand my seat on a train

[Pondere]

This is one of those situations where I feel terrible and don’t know I was being unreasonable, but also think I wasn’t.

Have a train booked for a 4 hour journey. I deliberately booked a seat by the window and at a table. I was running late for the train so by the time I got on it was packed but went to my seat to find a man sitting there. He said it’s his seat but after telling me the seat number, he had at the aisle and I had the window.

He hesitated for a minute before slowly unplugging his laptop, etc then asked if I can seat in the aisle or do I want the window. I said the window.

He then asked if I’m ok. I was a little flustered from rushing for the train but wasn’t upset or anything so said I’m fine. He got up and I went in to my seat.

I booked a window seat because, well I like a window seat. I like being in the corner rather than having people constantly brush past my in the aisle. I also am more comfortable by the window than the aisle. But seeing as the aisle was free (ie his seat), I do feel bad that I made him move when I could have sat there.

YABU - you shouldn’t have made him move, a seat is a seat.

YANBU - you booked a specific seat and he should have easily accepted that.

YANBU at all. I'd say he just chanced taking the window seat thinking the person who booked it wasn't turning up. He moved when you asked, and I'd give him the benefit of the doubt that he was asking if you were OK because you were flustered.

I thought you were going to say you had to ask an elderly person to move. I've had my seat taken on a few occasions by elderly people and I've never had the balls to ask them to move. Usually because it would mean them standing instead of me for 2 hours.

It's not part of the problem to just assume that all men are wankers.

Agreed, it's not part of the problem. The problem is male entitlement.

Whatever. I disagree. You can sod off with this "you're part of the problem" shite though.

YABU to wonder if you were in the wrong. You were absolutely correct in how you handled the situation, and I hope that each time you assert yourself like this, it will get easier.

You may fell a bit out of sorts doing putting yourself forward like that, but you should never ask yourself if you were being 'mean'. You booked a seat. You took the seat. It's very obviously reasonable!

@UdoU think you've mistagged me and this was for @Pondere

‘Get to duck’, ‘sod off’ , is this how you talk to women in real life too?

Fuck 😂

Clearly this ^.
Otherwise OP, you wouldn't be on here now, seeking clarification about an event that made you feel terrible (although 'rattled' is what I actually want to put here).
If the interaction instinctively felt off, it was. This is further evidenced by you thinking / needing to think about your justifications for wanting a window seat. You want a window seat because you want one. No explanation required.
YANBU.

Saying some men are wankers is not saying all men are wankers.

Exactly. I'd have wanted to say "I'll be fine when you get the fuck out of the seat you know damn well was reserved."

You were in the right. I prefer a window seat too, even if it's one you can't see out of, so you don't get people pushing past you in the aisle. I know others who prefer an aisle seat so they can get up more easily - perfectly reasonable to have a preference.

As an aside, 'advance' tickets are only valid if you sit in your allocated seat - I have seen people being asked to move if they're sitting somewhere else - unless this man examined your ticket, he couldn't know that you weren't obliged to sit in that seat.

If you've booked the seat, then it's yours. Does sound like he would have preferred the window seat but he didn't have it so tough.
If anyone is in my reserved seat, I always politely say it's my seat and they mostly move without fuss. I once got back from the loo to a couple telling DD, who was 9 at the time, we were in their seats and she had to move and they were being pretty rude to her. The woman started yelling at us to move, I did point out the reservation display on the wall and showed the tickets but on she went. Ticket inspector then appeared. Turned out it was the right seat numbers but on the previous train which they had missed. They found seats near us but I could still hear them complaining it was their seats until a bloke told them to shut the fuck up.

Yes, sadly this has happened to me when I've been politely assertive. Some will say you're reading too much into it but there's a male pattern where they try to make you feel bad and back down by implying you were about to succumb to hysterics. Sure, Not at all men, but enough of them do.

I'm surprised at the different interpretations of "Are you ok"
I assumed it was a variant of a random man telling a woman to smile or a man saying that a woman is overreacting because she might be on her period but only the OP knows what kind of tone was taken.I also suspect that he wouldn't have asked a man if he was ok.

YANBU, you are entitled to have the seat you booked. Don't overthink it.

Exactly this, he may have been genuinely concerned because you appeared to be, as you say, flustered. I don't know why everyone always jumps to the most negative conclusion.

When they are as rude to me as you have been, yes.

It happened twice last week to me, once on a plane and then on a train. You booked the seat early enough to choose the one you wanted, he booked too late and expected with soft aggressiveness to have his way, cheek.

This.

I'm the same, I think it's because I'm claustrophobic so although it isn't like being in a cupboard or something it still brings on that feeling. We're all different aren't we.

Can you quote where I have been rude to you?

You won’t reply because you can’t quote a
single instance.

I wouldn’t have given a shit what words came out of his mouth. If he was in my seat, I’d ask him to move and if he got aggy I would’ve got aggy back.

I think when men are slightly abrasive - or in this case a bit sarcastic or passive aggressive - and you have the moral high ground, you don’t have to descend into a quivering mess of guilt for being a bit bolshy back.

You are overthinking this. Why do people sit on the wrong seats?? So annoying.

You should have asked him to move!

Saying "I'm part of the problem" because I dared to disagree with you is rude.

I'm terribly sorry if you don't like people having differing opinions, but as you do may I suggest that a dicussion forum is not the place for you.

So many people sit in others booked seats