"I'm proud of you"

[isntitapip]

Can I ask you please what your thoughts are in that phrase? I'm trying to work out if my feeling are reasonable or I'm over-reacting.
How would you feel if a partner/friend said this to you after an achievement of yours?

I've said it to my kids. My Dad said it to me once. I'm ok in that situation.

A partner/bf situation it feels like an ownership comment. Am I making sense? Like they had something to do with the achievement. It just feels patronising. Is it me? I'd love other peoples' thoughts on this

No, my DP and I would say that to each other for example if one of us got a promotion or an award at work.

I always think this is an odd phrase. It smacks of ownership and superiority to me.

I just usually say “you should be so proud of yourself” to people instead.

My partner often says he’s proud of me for my achievements and it’s never crossed my mind to find it anything other than complimentary. For me, it’s almost the same as him saying he’s impressed. It makes me feel good that he recognises my achievements. The only time I’d take it badly is if someone was doing a very sarcastic, passive aggressive “proud of you hun” type thing where they wanted it to be obvious they didn’t feel that way at all.

My partner often says he’s proud of me. I’m very proud of him too. I think I’d only find this weird/annoying if they were unsupportive whilst I was working towards something, then said they were proud after.

I kind of understand.
DM says it to me but mainly because she's usually very negative or dismissive of whatever it is that I'm doing but then when I succeed at it, she says she's proud of me in a surprised sort of way, like she didn't think I'd have it in me.

I'm used to it now but it does grate on me, to the point I sometimes am rather prickly if its said anywhere else however genuine it's meant. I have to keep reminding myself that DH or whoever is actually being proud of me in a nice way!

No, is it’s said to ME by another adult.

i am proud of my daughter.

I told my mum I was proud of her and I can’t ever imagine my DD getting too old to tell her I’m proud of her.

I commented on a work photos a few days ago telling everyone how proud I am of them all.

If people have an issue with someone saying I’m proud of you, do you also have an issue with someone saying well done?

I agree. Saying 'I am proud of you' makes the accomplishment about that person, not you.
'You should be so proud of yourself ' makes do much more sense.

I'm hugely proud of my DH. He's been through some awful experience over the last few years. I've supported him all I can but ultimately it's been him who's had to deal with the fallout and he's done it efficiently and with great dignity whilst doing everything he can to protect me and our DCs from any consequence.

Honestly I sometimes feel like yelling how proud I am of him from the roof tops.

"I'm proud of you" isn't a phrase I'd use, but I defy anyone to say "you should be proud of yourself" and not have it sound sarcastic.

I feel exactly the same. Like they are taking some of the credit because you couldn’t have done it without them.

I just usually say “you should be so proud of yourself” to people instead.

I would definitely need to hear the tone and see someone’s face if they said this. I would read it as patronising otherwise especially with the word “so” in it.

I agree - it sounds a bit patronising to me too. BUT I wouldn't take it that way. I would try to
a) translate it into "You have done so well that I am proud you are my partner" (which I'm sure is what DP meant) and
b) maybe try to explain to DP what I felt and train them into using my rephrased compliment 😙

Completely agree OP. It's a very modern phenomenon. I always think it sounds patronising when used in anything other than what I regard as its traditional context.

It's ok to be "proud of" your own or your child's achievement.
It's ok to be "proud to" have contributed to an achievement.
It's ok to be "proud to" belong to a particular group or organisation.
But it's not ok to be "proud of" someone who is your equal when their achievement is their own.

It's particularly grating when used by celebrities. E.g. A celebrity saying they are "proud of" a fan who has done something brave or achieved something. They should really say they are "proud to" be asociated with them.

It's just bad/evolving grammar, but it's endemic and here to stay.

I’m fiercely independent and would feel a bit patronised by someone saying they were proud of me. I’d much rather they said impressed or similar. However it’s not controlling or like they own you at all.

I sort of get you OP after having read your net few posts. I initially thought you meant ownership of you and not your achievement and I get what you’re saying. It wouldn’t bother me, however, I made a point of saying to my ds when he was younger that I was really happy for him, it was a brilliant achievement and that HE must be so proud of himself. I didn’t say I, I said he because I never wanted him to feel like he was trying to make me proud or trying to please me ( it was an issue for me as a child) so yes, I actually get what you’re saying!

I am incredibly proud of my two sons, and I tell them regularly. The fact that they are grown adults has not stopped me being proud, nor stopped me telling them.

I think you're overthinking this. My mum is currently very poorly in hospital, she's come through open heart surgery and is fighting hard to get well, I told her I was so proud of her. My hubby is doing really well with his own business, I told him how proud I am of him. I tell my friends all the time, it's not patronising it's actually very encouraging in my opinion. I've had people say it to me and just take it for what it means, that someone is proud of me.

yabu. they are proud of YOU. ie...they are acknowledging you as the star you are, and highlighting the shared joy at your wonderfulness.

I honestly thought this thread would be unanimously understanding what I meant. Very interesting to see I'm wrong

I think it's really important to recognise that just because lots of people feel differently from you, it doesn't mean there's anything 'wrong': it means you're you, and that that means you're not the same as everyone else.

I feel funny as an adult to say I'm proud of another adult. I always preface it with 'I don't mean to sound patronising, but...', but then I do say it, because the sentiment is very pure.

If someone I know is good hearted says it to me, I try to rephrase it in my head as 'I'm proud to be your friend/partner/standing next to you' etc, so that I don't take it in a way i know it wasn't meant. I've spoken to others who have fully understood what I mean, so it's not just the odd person here and there.

Tell to say it to me !

I try to say "you can be so proud of yourself" or ask how they feel about what they've done and then join in with "I'm so glad you've done well" or "I'm so pleased for you" or similar.

Horses for courses, but THAT I would find patronising.

What?
My partner will regularly say he's proud of me for something (sometimes something a bit silly as a joke, but sometimes something I've achieved etc). I don't take it as an ownership thing or that he is taking the credit, I think he's just buzzing for me that I've done well

Depends on the situation? In most situations I think it’s a good thing . You n occasion I told my partner to f* off as he made it sarcastically, I nice after I cleaned the car and once when o tidied up the shed , he then apologised lol

I think I get what you mean OP. I also think there has possibly been a broadening in the way 'I'm proud of you' is used, just like a lot of language changes over time. I think when I heard this phrase aeons ago, it tended to be used mainly by older family members to kids, teachers to pupils, bosses to their workers etc to show praise in achievement that reflects to a degree on them? I may have always interpreted this wrong though! I've heard it more and more over the last few years between friends in this broader, complimentary way.