"I'm proud of you"

[isntitapip]

Can I ask you please what your thoughts are in that phrase? I'm trying to work out if my feeling are reasonable or I'm over-reacting.
How would you feel if a partner/friend said this to you after an achievement of yours?

I've said it to my kids. My Dad said it to me once. I'm ok in that situation.

A partner/bf situation it feels like an ownership comment. Am I making sense? Like they had something to do with the achievement. It just feels patronising. Is it me? I'd love other peoples' thoughts on this

I get you sort of OP. Saying “I’m proud of you” is YOU talking about your feelings, not the other person’s achievement. Some might feel patronised by this. Many don’t, as per this thread. It’s an interesting one!

I love it when I achieve something in my life and my partner says that. In that moment yeah it's a bit parent-child but it's nice when they notice the effort you've put into it and how much it means to you. That's important..

🤣🤣

Put like that I know see how ridiculous I sound!

LTB

Oh I love this (and well done you!)

DH always tells me he's proud of me, for things like keeping our home nice , making nice dinners and for what I do for the children. As a SAHM I love that he appreciates what I do.

I also feel that people who take this phrase as some sort of insult or "you didn't think I could do it" must suffer somewhat with low self esteem and negative thinking.

Unless it was said to me in a sarcastic tone, I honestly would take it at face value and that they feel my achievements were worthwhile. To view it as an odd thing to say indicates some underlying issue with the person who has taken umbrage with it in my view.

What would you have liked him to say in recognition of your achievement (whatever it was). Is it just the phrase that you don't like, or the sentiment behind it - i.e. you're an adult and don't need congratulating? Are you proud of yourself?

Then say "I'm proud to be your friend" or "this makes me so proud to be your husband".

I say I'm proud of things I've made or cooked or achieved. My partner or friend or whatever hasn't made me or achieved me or written me or drawn me. They have no right to be proud of me.

I think someone says “I’m proud of you”, because, well, they’re proud of you. That’s generally a good thing.

However if there’s any doubt then it would really have to be considered in context and alongside other behaviours to really gauge if there was anything ulterior or insincere about it. If you’re suspicious, then there must be other little niggles that have provoked that.

I think the best thing is just to take it as a compliment and be pleased, personally!

I get it OP - I don't feel weird when people say it to me, but I feel weird when I want to say it to someone else, as though I'm involving myself in their achievement. What I've settled on is 'That's amazing, I'm so thrilled for you, you should be so proud of yourself' or something along those lines.

I told my husband's sister I was proud of him yesterday. He's made over fifty blood donations and I think that's a lovely achievement. He wouldn't have told anyone else about it, but I thought it was worth telling.

I don't see an issue.

I told my DP I was proud of him when he passed at incredibly difficult course at work. Never ever crossed my mind it could be taken negatively.

@Sarahcoggles

If I heard a husband giving a speech about how proud he was of his wife giving birth, I think I'd die of embarrassment

Now I probably would!! At the time I was newly postnatal and feeling a bit inadequate all round

Although devil's advocate: if you think about "you should be proud of yourself" is an instruction without a please or thank you, and sounds a sarcastic to boot

The amount of threads on here where someone has achieved something and their husband hasn't said they are proud/happy for this achieve and the poster is upset about would say to me that not really right on this one.

He is massively disrespecting you. Lots of red flags. You should strongly consider whether you want to stay with him.
Time to consult a solicitor.

I think this is what I feel.
"You're amazing, what an achievement" is about what I've done.

I honestly thought this thread would be unanimously understanding what I meant. Very interesting to see I'm wrong. A few are seeing it but in the main it sounds like an ok thing to say in most people's eyes.

When I feel proud of someone, it’s like a spotlight has just been shone on how great they are. They have just done something that reiterates some of their best qualities and I feel lucky to have them in my life. I.e if they’ve overcome something I’m reminded of their resilience or if they achieve something I remember just how talented they are. It’s a nice feeling and I want them to remember how great they are.

DH always tells me he's proud of me, for things like keeping our home nice, making nice dinners and for what I do for the children. As a SAHM I love that he appreciates what I do.

Yeah, No. Perhaps not this one

The phrase. I'm bloody proud. But I'd rather he said he was impressed. Same sentiment, different word.

I will be letting it go. Not one to bring up it seems, judging by this thread

I agree.
Are you always so easily offended or looking for offence in anything people say to you @isntitapip?

YABVU!!

I say this regularly to family and friends when they’ve achieved something.

I’m actually not one for being overly emotional and don’t tell people I love them etc but I’ll always acknowledge when someone has achieved something and congratulate them and say how proud I am.

I didn’t think there was an age limit where people stopped being proud of their own/other peoples achievements!

The person saying it is saying it in a positive way so I don’t understand how you could take that to offence.

Are you not proud of yourself OP for this achievement?

Hmmm…I wouldn’t mind this so much but it used to piss me off when one of my parents said ‘make me proud’ or ‘you make me proud’. That felt different because it made my goals and achievements about them rather than me. And I always felt like I had to avoid disappointing them rather than doing things for me.

It also pissed me off when they used ‘I’m proud of you’ as some kind of defence if I got annoyed at criticism - I.e. to ‘prove’ that they didn’t think badly of me (but after they’d made me feel terrible). But that’s obviously not happening here.

‘You should be proud of yourself’ feels nicer to me.

But obviously this is my stuff from a specific family dynamic and it probably seems ridiculous out of context.

I think I'd feel uncomfortable if my DH said it about stuff like cooking a nice meal or something as some PP have mentioned. That, to me, would be incredibly patronising (sorry PP!).

Getting a new job, passing an exam, running 5k for the first time or acing a presentation I'd been stressing about? Completely normal and tbh I'd be annoyed if he wasn't proud of those kinds of things 😆