AIBU with being uncomfortable having a tracker on my car

[TrackMyCar]

My DP recently bought and put a new stereo in my car. It's very fancy, you can operate it by app, does loads of stuff, I don't understand half of it, just enough to be able to do the basics I need. I did need a new stereo.

Driving my DS to school this morning, I took a different route so I could run an errand on the way. A message came in on the phone from my DP, and my DS read it to me. He asked what I was doing down X road, rather than my usual route. When I stopped at school, I talked to DP briefly by message, discovered that the stereo contains a tracker. DP claims he didn't know this. I said I had never agreed to be tracked, so he said he would turn off that function on the app on his phone. But he said it would be really useful if it was ever stolen, or I lost the car in a car park.

In the afternoon school run, I got a message from DP asking if I had the engine running, as apparently it also records engine temperature.

I feel uncomfortable. I'm not sure if I should be or not. I'm not doing anything I shouldn't be, in my life. DP says he will leave the tracker function turned off on his phone. Even so. AIBU?

I wouldn’t like this; bit of a red flag really that he was checking it and messaged you. Is he controlling in other ways?

Nope.

Get it removed and buy yourself a basic stereo. Tell DP he can have the tracker stereo for his vehicle.

Replace the system.

He’s got a lot of time on his hands has he??

Id not be happy at all. That’s creepy, controlling and invasive

I would be fine with the tracker because he's right it will be useful if it gets stolen. I would hate being constantly tracked and my DH wouldn't dream of doing so. Your problem is your DH who is tracking you for some reason. He's being weird.

It depends on whether you have any reason at all to suspect that he is controlling or abusive. I would be fine with a tracker on my car.

Go to Halfords or another store, ask them to remove & replace with a basic stereo. Hand him his fancy control spy stereo to use in his own car.
Very controlling, is he always like this??

Alot of cars have this as standard now, both our cars have inbuilt trackers and apps that allow us to keep track of fuel usage, travel mileage, car location, automatic logging of faults to the dealer.

It's useful to find the car if I go somewhere and forgot where I parked it in huge shopping malls. I can also share its location if im meeting my DH or friends. Also Its tracked automatically if stolen and reports its location to emergency services in the case of an accident and i do not respond.

Remove the stereo and get one you’ve picked.

your husband sounds creepy.

My car has a tracker. It’s the only reason we got it back when it was stolen. It also has an
app so amongst other features I can see where it is at any given time, as can DH. But I never look at it unless I forget where I’ve parked and I trust DH is the same. I think the issue is not the tracker but the fact that your DP didn’t tell you about it from the get go and is obviously checking up on you, hence the message about leaving the engine running. I wouldn’t like this either and at a minimum the stereo would be gone. Is he controlling in any other ways?

If he didn't know it had a tracker why was he tracking you?

What difference does it make to him which road you drive down or if you've got the heater on?

If the car gets stolen you can switch it back on.

If you lose the car you can check the app.

He does not need the app on his phone.

I highly doubt this is an isolated incident

We have this in ours, we had it in the car as well, which I forgot about until I noticed the car and its new owner were in Kent! My previous car was stolen, the tracker meant we could quickly give its live location to the police.

Having a tracker is one thing. As others have said, reasonably common. Using the tracker to monitor your every move is quite something else - I would be very uncomfortable with that.

If he didn’t know there was a tracker, how come he had the app downloaded and was looking at it?!?

So he said he'd switch the tracker off. Then, the same afternoon, he tracked you again? Then said he'd switch it off?
He's going to continue to track your movements. Big red flag.

The car having a tracker that would be useful if it was nicked is not the problem

He doesn't need the app if it's not his car though does he?

A message came in on the phone from my DP, and my DS read it to me. He asked what I was doing down X road, rather than my usual route. When I stopped at school, I talked to DP briefly by message, discovered that the stereo contains a tracker. DP claims he didn't know this. I said I had never agreed to be tracked, so he said he would turn off that function on the app on his phone.

So your "DP" asks you why you're on a different road, then claims that he didn't know it contains a tracker?

What did he think was allowing him to see your route? A message from god?

Then he says he'll turn off the function? So he knew about the functionality of tracking (and he did so) but not that there was a tracker?

Aye right, and my granny is Helen Mirren.

His blatant lying would concern me as much as the tracker itself.

I'd get it swapped out and hand the tracking stereo back to him. And have serious thoughts about whether I could live with a man like this.

Is there a context to this?

Is he usually totally normal?

Or is he possessive, or controlling over other things?

Why did he get a new stereo? Did you ask for it?

I would install the app on YOUR phone. Resetting the password etc as you do so to something he doesn't know. (As other have said it can be useful) If you DP objects to this then I would have it removed.

This is what I was going to suggest. He doesn't need it installed on his phone.

The high end stereo you didn't want sounds like a ruse to get a tracker into your car. No way did he not know it was there. If this was true, he wouldn't know you'd taken a different route.

I'd be annoyed about having to deal with a more complicated stereo than I wanted, as well as the tracking imposition.

Tell him that unless you have full control of the tracking function, with no option to him having any notifications, information etc, then you will get the stereo removed from your car and swapped for one of your choosing without a tracker.

I would be taking that stereo out of my car. Or at the very least getting him to delete the app, and installing it on your phone so you can change the password/manage access.

If you honestly believe that he had no idea about it's features before he bought it, you are a bit naive. Let me guess he was the one who suggested getting you a shiny new stereo?

Why the hell does HE have the app on his phone for something on YOUR car? If it was all totally innocent he would have installed the app on your phone and only your phone. Or bought you a stereo you are technically capable of using.

Cheeky shit, I'm angry on your behalf

This was what I was thinking.

It's in your car, so you're the one that needs to be able to find the car if it's stolen or you lose your car in a large car park.

It's no use to you if you're walking around a car park looking for your car and you don't have access to the tracker.

However, it sounds to me that that's not his reasoning behind getting this stereo for your car if he's tracking your route to school and asking why you're driving down a different road.

I most definitely wouldn't want anyone to be able to track me like that, it stalkerish and horribly controlling.

I'd just ignore him when he sends any texts like this. Maybe say something passive aggressive like' Big brother today are we!'

Make it clear that this is unwanted intrusion.