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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU with being uncomfortable having a tracker on my car

211 replies

TrackMyCar · 27/02/2023 17:08

My DP recently bought and put a new stereo in my car. It's very fancy, you can operate it by app, does loads of stuff, I don't understand half of it, just enough to be able to do the basics I need. I did need a new stereo.

Driving my DS to school this morning, I took a different route so I could run an errand on the way. A message came in on the phone from my DP, and my DS read it to me. He asked what I was doing down X road, rather than my usual route. When I stopped at school, I talked to DP briefly by message, discovered that the stereo contains a tracker. DP claims he didn't know this. I said I had never agreed to be tracked, so he said he would turn off that function on the app on his phone. But he said it would be really useful if it was ever stolen, or I lost the car in a car park.

In the afternoon school run, I got a message from DP asking if I had the engine running, as apparently it also records engine temperature.

I feel uncomfortable. I'm not sure if I should be or not. I'm not doing anything I shouldn't be, in my life. DP says he will leave the tracker function turned off on his phone. Even so. AIBU?

OP posts:
Fromwetome · 28/02/2023 12:47

If he didn't know it did this then how did he know what road you were on. So he knew it tracked and then he lied to you. Hard to trust someone after that.

Griefgood · 28/02/2023 12:53

Mumoffairy · 28/02/2023 07:02

Lol I just meant I dont go anywhere I dont want DH (or anyone else) to know about 😃

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I can immediately think of a few....

The brewery 20 miles away that DH loves, I like to surprise him now and then.

To the really nice butchers 10 miles away, he loves a fillet steak from them, again I like to surprise him now and then.

I would absolutely hate being tracked and to message someone whilst they are driving to ask why, is beyond weird and unhelpful. Oh well DP, mad traffic the other route, car accident and being diverted, loads of traffic, DS going to be late for school but I will stop, pull over, read your message and let you know. I would not wish my child to open messages etc on my phone to placate my DP.

Newtrix · 28/02/2023 13:05

My Husband and I always Google maps each other when we're driving but that's more so that the other one can have a cuppa ready/general safety. Neither of us would ever put a tracker on the other.

verdantverdure · 28/02/2023 15:54

I think it would be good for the women of Mumsnet to know what make and model this car stereo is.

I assume mine isn't tracking me via an app, maybe it is?!

Mumoffairy · 28/02/2023 16:05

Griefgood · 28/02/2023 12:53

I can immediately think of a few....

The brewery 20 miles away that DH loves, I like to surprise him now and then.

To the really nice butchers 10 miles away, he loves a fillet steak from them, again I like to surprise him now and then.

I would absolutely hate being tracked and to message someone whilst they are driving to ask why, is beyond weird and unhelpful. Oh well DP, mad traffic the other route, car accident and being diverted, loads of traffic, DS going to be late for school but I will stop, pull over, read your message and let you know. I would not wish my child to open messages etc on my phone to placate my DP.

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Well its not like DH sits there all day looking at the gps of my car. It would be pretty bad luck if he checked on me when im getting him a surprise. He liked checking the app the first week we had the car. After the novelty wore off and he has better things to do now 😃

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 28/02/2023 22:49

LaughingCat · 27/02/2023 21:32

I was on the call with the bank when we bought our new house last year - until then I’d been named on the deeds of the last house but not the mortgage (my credit rating at the time thanks to a stupid default would have given us a worse deal than his earnings alone). This time, found out banks just aren’t willing to do that anymore, told me to my face that there was no way I could be on the mortgage or the deeds. So I’m not. (My OH then married me on the next available date at our local registry office to ensure that I would still be entitled to my share of the property should he die/we split).

This is happening to a lot of friends if they don't earn, as well. Mortgages are getting tighter.

There’s lots of bills in either my or his name. Only a couple in both.

I agree though, total red flag that the OP isn’t more involved with the finances - that should be something both are across, aware of and involved with regardless of earning status - but sometimes a void of earning status, especially when it comes to credit agreements, has a huge impact on available deals and therefore it’s more financially savvy as a family unit to not be named on there.

So not disagreeing in any way, shape or form, but just saying that it’s not always the case that you are automatically entitled to be on the mortgage or some other bills.

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OP didn't mention any bad credit. Just no income. And certainly some high street banks won't allow any bad credit, but a broker could have found a sub-prime lender that would. The only time a person not earning would be not allowed on a mortgage is if the multipliers reduce due to the non-earner, thus making the property not affordable. I would bet my house judging from OP's other posts that this wasn't the case though.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 28/02/2023 22:50

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 28/02/2023 22:49

OP didn't mention any bad credit. Just no income. And certainly some high street banks won't allow any bad credit, but a broker could have found a sub-prime lender that would. The only time a person not earning would be not allowed on a mortgage is if the multipliers reduce due to the non-earner, thus making the property not affordable. I would bet my house judging from OP's other posts that this wasn't the case though.

Show quote history

(Up until October I'd worked in mortgages for the best part of a decade)

Bloopsie · 01/03/2023 00:27

Mumoffairy · 28/02/2023 16:05

Well its not like DH sits there all day looking at the gps of my car. It would be pretty bad luck if he checked on me when im getting him a surprise. He liked checking the app the first week we had the car. After the novelty wore off and he has better things to do now 😃

Show quote history

I said that too,its a novelty thing and will get boring. Kind of like ring cameras in our family, when we first put them up we checked every notificiation…atm cant remember last time i checked them,its only us putting rubbish out/spider triggering it it in the attic etc.

Jobalons · 01/03/2023 04:16

verdantverdure · 28/02/2023 15:54

I think it would be good for the women of Mumsnet to know what make and model this car stereo is.

I assume mine isn't tracking me via an app, maybe it is?!

Just Google OBD car trackers. All cars have a small plug/socket under the dashboard some where very easy to access. It's called a diagnostic port.

You can very simply just plug on in and track the car, also get all the details about the car and unlock it ect. Very very easy to plug in and equally easy to not notice if you don't know where to look.

AIBU with being uncomfortable having a tracker on my car
verdantverdure · 02/03/2023 18:19

So do we think the OP's husband is lying about the car stereo being the tracker?

Emmelina · 02/03/2023 19:05

Creepy and stalkerish. He has the app downloaded onto his phone. It would have been a premium feature well promoted that he’d have paid more than a big standard one without it. He KNEW.

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