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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU with being uncomfortable having a tracker on my car

211 replies

TrackMyCar · 27/02/2023 17:08

My DP recently bought and put a new stereo in my car. It's very fancy, you can operate it by app, does loads of stuff, I don't understand half of it, just enough to be able to do the basics I need. I did need a new stereo.

Driving my DS to school this morning, I took a different route so I could run an errand on the way. A message came in on the phone from my DP, and my DS read it to me. He asked what I was doing down X road, rather than my usual route. When I stopped at school, I talked to DP briefly by message, discovered that the stereo contains a tracker. DP claims he didn't know this. I said I had never agreed to be tracked, so he said he would turn off that function on the app on his phone. But he said it would be really useful if it was ever stolen, or I lost the car in a car park.

In the afternoon school run, I got a message from DP asking if I had the engine running, as apparently it also records engine temperature.

I feel uncomfortable. I'm not sure if I should be or not. I'm not doing anything I shouldn't be, in my life. DP says he will leave the tracker function turned off on his phone. Even so. AIBU?

OP posts:
LookingOldTheseDays · 27/02/2023 18:17

If he didn't know about it, how was he tracking you? How did he know what Road you'd gone down?

He's giving you a load of bullshit.

I'd demand it gets taken out, because he's obviously not only using it in case of theft, he's using it to track and try to control you.

JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 27/02/2023 18:25

A quick google suggests that car stereos do not come equipped with tracking systems.

Somanycats · 27/02/2023 18:26

All new cars have built-in trackers don't they? So soon we will all have one like it or not. I like it. Its the same app that tells me if I've forgotten to lock the cars doors when I'm in the house, lets me check remotely how much fuel I have and when my next service is due. Surely the problem is that your dh has too much time on his hands and is boringly tracking you.

BornIn78 · 27/02/2023 18:26

Can you tell us what the make/model of the stereo it is OP, because I can’t find any with trackers.

Waterfallgirl · 27/02/2023 18:26

These tracker type devices that are meant to help us in everyday life - more and more you hear about them being used by partners to be controlling.
It is just awful .

If is a one off then he will remove the app from his phone and you will be able to ad it to yours with a new password.

If he argues he ‘didn’t know’ which is very strange or refuses then I’d be bloody annoyed, quite frightened and I’d be taking steps to get rid of him not just the stereo.

DelurkingLawyer · 27/02/2023 18:26

He’s a creepy controlling weirdo. Is this the first you knew of this behaviour?

I’d say reset the radio password on your app, like other have said and if he gives you one sentence of objection, ditch him. Is he your child’s father - you say “mine” not “ours”.

Clymene · 27/02/2023 18:29

So he's lying to you as well as tracking you.

junglejane66 · 27/02/2023 18:29

Somanycats · 27/02/2023 18:26

All new cars have built-in trackers don't they? So soon we will all have one like it or not. I like it. Its the same app that tells me if I've forgotten to lock the cars doors when I'm in the house, lets me check remotely how much fuel I have and when my next service is due. Surely the problem is that your dh has too much time on his hands and is boringly tracking you.

Maybe built in but not in the stereo, and may not be accessible or you need to pay to use it. OP said theirs was an after market unit, and it can also read the engine temp!

Botw1 · 27/02/2023 18:30

Oh.

Is it made up.

Oh dear

FictionalCharacter · 27/02/2023 18:30

BornIn78 · 27/02/2023 18:26

Can you tell us what the make/model of the stereo it is OP, because I can’t find any with trackers.

I reckon he used the new stereo as an excuse to install the GPS tracker.
If this is a true story.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 27/02/2023 18:32

He deffo got this to track you rather than a handy function add-on. He can't even contain his suspicions on the first fucking drive!
Get that thing out of there

Xol · 27/02/2023 18:32

I wouldn't be bothered about the tracker, it makes sense to have something which would help to recover it if the car or stereo were stolen.

What I do find surprising is that your DP questions you about why you're taking a different route. What does it matter, how does he have the time to bother about that, and why does he think you have to account for your movements?

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 27/02/2023 18:32

Botw1 · 27/02/2023 18:30

Oh.

Is it made up.

Oh dear

Ahm well I'm glad tbh

Wombats23 · 27/02/2023 18:33

We have one. I remembered to tell DH to login when I was last on a big trip as I'm prone to getting lost. I've just renewed it. It needs to be actively installed & it's quite expensive.

I just read your post to DH & he thought it creepy to be that actively monitoring your journeys.

Shmithecat2 · 27/02/2023 18:33

I talked to DP briefly by message, discovered that the stereo contains a tracker. DP claims he didn't know this. I said I had never agreed to be tracked, so he said he would turn off that function on the app on his phone.

He didn't know it had a tracker, yet he had the right app for it?

Fucking creepy. This is the kind of stunt that would make me reevaluate the relationship. Is he spying on you elsewhere? Spycams in the bedroom? Bathroom? Probably not, but how would you know? He's really crossed a line here imo.

FictionalCharacter · 27/02/2023 18:34

junglejane66 · 27/02/2023 18:29

Maybe built in but not in the stereo, and may not be accessible or you need to pay to use it. OP said theirs was an after market unit, and it can also read the engine temp!

Show quote history

Yep. I smell bullshit.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 27/02/2023 18:34

First post as well

MadeofElephantStone · 27/02/2023 18:36

Even if it is a fake post, sadly this shit does actually happen and it's scary how easily it can be done.

Wombats23 · 27/02/2023 18:36

Yep, they're attached to the electronic wiring, not in the radio.

Cobrastar · 27/02/2023 18:36

I voted YABU based off being in a great relationship where there’s trust, my DH and I track each others phones and no issues. It’s useful if there’s traffic coming home from
work. Therefore you should also be able to track him no questions asked.

However if your relationship isn’t great and DH is controlling it’s not great. He should have been upfront and told you about this setting. It’s a bit sneaky!

GoodChat · 27/02/2023 18:37

How would he know you weren't on your usual route if he didn't know there was a tracker?

Darkstar4855 · 27/02/2023 18:38

Our car has a tracker, it can be useful for knowing if my partner is on his way home. Your problem is not the tracker, it’s your partner using it in a controlling manner. YANBU.

junglejane66 · 27/02/2023 18:39

GoodChat · 27/02/2023 18:37

How would he know you weren't on your usual route if he didn't know there was a tracker?

Good point, its almost like it never actually happened

jizzlord · 27/02/2023 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Cocobutt · 27/02/2023 18:42

YANBU but this is MN where the majority of posters think trackers are fine and normal.

It is never ok to track your partner.