AIBU with being uncomfortable having a tracker on my car

[TrackMyCar]

My DP recently bought and put a new stereo in my car. It's very fancy, you can operate it by app, does loads of stuff, I don't understand half of it, just enough to be able to do the basics I need. I did need a new stereo.

Driving my DS to school this morning, I took a different route so I could run an errand on the way. A message came in on the phone from my DP, and my DS read it to me. He asked what I was doing down X road, rather than my usual route. When I stopped at school, I talked to DP briefly by message, discovered that the stereo contains a tracker. DP claims he didn't know this. I said I had never agreed to be tracked, so he said he would turn off that function on the app on his phone. But he said it would be really useful if it was ever stolen, or I lost the car in a car park.

In the afternoon school run, I got a message from DP asking if I had the engine running, as apparently it also records engine temperature.

I feel uncomfortable. I'm not sure if I should be or not. I'm not doing anything I shouldn't be, in my life. DP says he will leave the tracker function turned off on his phone. Even so. AIBU?

seems impossible to them

I can’t get my head round this sorry, do you think it’s totally normal for your partner to text you en route to say why you going a different way to the way you usually go? Whilst you didn’t know you were being tracked? Is that genuinely normally for you in your relationship? Not even just the tracking (bizarre in any event) but the questions mid journey about the route you are taking?

This.

I would be tempted to test him at some point. Perhaps dress a bit nicer for the school run and then go on a gallivant around town. See if he says anything. I’d be wary he would try to turn the tracker back on when he thinks you have forgotten about it.

I am guessing there is no user-notification if the tracker is switched on or off?

I have indoor cameras that we turn on when we are away but if they are switched on both my husband and I get a notification.

In the kindest way possible, you need to return to work which will up you options in life should you decide to make any changes to your current situation.

This is actually illegal for him to put a tracking device on your car without your consent.

Also, how does he know what route you usually take so as to comment on you deviating from it?

Lol I just meant I dont go anywhere I dont want DH (or anyone else) to know about 😃

Where could you possibly go that you wouldn’t want your husband to know about?

I personally would have not given it a second thought, after just buying into an expensive car, now you mentioned when we get it to check if it has one if it dosent get one.

As the economy crumbles thefts are on the increase and it makes complete sense to have one, not like you have anything to hide right, the app will be novelty at first to see if its accurate etc but there is so many times u can find tracking a drive to tesco amusing.

Our car has a tracker for security. This doesn't bother me because no one is using it to track the driver. If DH started asking me why I was going on a particular route he'd be leaving.

To be fair it was the app that I imagine reported the change in your route with expected delays etc?Wasnt like he was grilling you over why and where.

Mad.
He did grill her, he text her during the drive to ask why she was going down another road.

DP is not in the least jealous or possessive. We've only had one issue in the almost 20 years we've been together, and that is just never discussed.

I'm not sure what this means.

OP if you're claiming child benefit that should cover your National Insurance contributions. If for some reason it hasn't, go on the gov.uk website and you can check your contributions and apply to have your child benefit applied to top up your credits.

With regards to your financial affairs, he really is pulling the wool over your eyes I'm afraid. I'm in the same position as you as a SAHM and no company has ever queried my employment status when applying for an account. I share a joint account with my husband, his wages go into it, we pay for stuff out of it. We have separate savings accounts but that's it.

I'm sorry you're in a difficult position but I would urge you to speak to someone if you can.

Privacy is a human right. This man is out of control, and you are being controlled instead.

I feel bad that so many people live in such a nightmare of mistrust that it seems impossible DH is a regular person and so are you

If he trusted her, she’d have access to money, would she not? Or is it ok for men to not trust women, as long as we have blind faith in them?

I am a SAHM, so he earns the money, pays the bills, most things are in his name. We don't share banks. I have CB as 'my' spending money, and he puts some extra in my bank once a month, and extra if I ask

And you’re not married.

You’re in a vulnerable position. You should look to share finances and ideally go and get a job.

Is the tracker on your car or has he put something like Life 360 on your phone? Either way, NO WAY

You call that grilling? Me and my husband both check in with each other when we arrive in places,if delayed change of route just ask about it,with no intentions behind it.

I meant grilling as jealous,aggressive and accusing questioning.

What you and your husband are doing is not normal. The OP here also didn’t know she was being tracked

If the car is being tracked he will have known as any tracker that can connect to an app will need an active sim card to connect to the internet.
If there is a tracker fitted its unlikely to be part of the stereo (I cant find one that does that) and will have been fitted elsewhere

Very odd to be messaging you asking why you took a different route, Really odd. My DH would a) never track me and b) would assume if he happened to see that there was traffic so I went a different way. Messaging about the engine temp, also very bizarre.

Two easy things to solve...
The child benefit claim should be in your name. If it is then you get automatic NI credits until your youngest child is over 12. If it isn't it needs to be changed. If your FH is a high earner so you don't claim it there is a simple form to claim the credits for your anyway.

House assuming it's in his name only, and you are married, get o to the land registry and get a martial marker placed on the property. This means that your DH cannot take loandls against the property or increase the mortgage without your say so. Providing basic protections over the equity in the property.

I would just hate this! So intrusive!