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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU with being uncomfortable having a tracker on my car

211 replies

TrackMyCar · 27/02/2023 17:08

My DP recently bought and put a new stereo in my car. It's very fancy, you can operate it by app, does loads of stuff, I don't understand half of it, just enough to be able to do the basics I need. I did need a new stereo.

Driving my DS to school this morning, I took a different route so I could run an errand on the way. A message came in on the phone from my DP, and my DS read it to me. He asked what I was doing down X road, rather than my usual route. When I stopped at school, I talked to DP briefly by message, discovered that the stereo contains a tracker. DP claims he didn't know this. I said I had never agreed to be tracked, so he said he would turn off that function on the app on his phone. But he said it would be really useful if it was ever stolen, or I lost the car in a car park.

In the afternoon school run, I got a message from DP asking if I had the engine running, as apparently it also records engine temperature.

I feel uncomfortable. I'm not sure if I should be or not. I'm not doing anything I shouldn't be, in my life. DP says he will leave the tracker function turned off on his phone. Even so. AIBU?

OP posts:
Jellybean23 · 27/02/2023 17:34

He's controlling, isn't he? He absolutely DID know about the tracker, probably chose it for that reason. Can you search that model stereo online and see how obvious the tracker facility is advertised? The app should be on YOUR phone only. He's got a nerve.

AlwaysGinPlease · 27/02/2023 17:37

Our cars both have inbuilt trackers and the app for the cars show where they are at all times . It doesn't bother me but if it bothers you, you're right to tell him you're not having it.

Botw1 · 27/02/2023 17:37

@BluebellBlueballs

Why be passive aggressive?

Why put up with it at all?

Remove the tracker now.

Job done

saraclara · 27/02/2023 17:42

If there's a tracker built in, then the owne/user of the car gets to have the app and password, and NO-ONE else.

I'd be absolutely furious. He's lied in saying he didn't know it had a tracker, because he deliberately downloaded the app!

If he doesn't agree to remove the app and let you change the password to something he doesn't know, this should be a deal breaker for you. It absolutely would be for me.

eurochick · 27/02/2023 17:45

It's your car so why does he have the app on his phone? Red flag.

Lavender14 · 27/02/2023 17:47

I think my main issue is that he did know it had that feature because he was using that feature before you became aware of it. He also continued to check up on the app after you said you felt uncertain with it.

I think a lot here depends on how much you trust your dp in your gut. I can understand him looking at it like a new toy and wanting to play about with it. But you've told him expressly it's made you feel uncomfortable so he should be respecting your wishes. Is he controlling in other ways? Has he shown signs of jealousy or insecurity before? The cynical part of me wonders how long he was going to track you before you became aware.

Beadyeyes80 · 27/02/2023 17:51

It may be insensitive but have you ever done anything to betray his trust?

Dogscanteatonions · 27/02/2023 17:53

LittleOwl153 · 27/02/2023 17:23

I would install the app on YOUR phone. Resetting the password etc as you do so to something he doesn't know. (As other have said it can be useful) If you DP objects to this then I would have it removed.

Absolutely this. However given the way he's gone about this I'm not sure I wouldn't trust him to circumnavigate it. I would not be happy and I have nothing to hide.

Botw1 · 27/02/2023 17:53

@Beadyeyes80

Even if she had, it doesn't make tracking her without her consent or knowledge OK!

Beadyeyes80 · 27/02/2023 17:54

Always one. I didn't say that. At all. I am trying to understand why he thinks this is normal.

OriginalUsername2 · 27/02/2023 17:55

It’s the fact that he questioned why you used a different road that would make me feel uneasy about it all. Why would he care.

Botw1 · 27/02/2023 17:57

@Beadyeyes80

Its not.

And the most obvious answer is not because the op is too blame

Thelnebriati · 27/02/2023 17:58

Tracking someone else's car without their consent is illegal.

Eyerollcentral · 27/02/2023 17:59

Botw1 · 27/02/2023 17:16

If he didn't know it had a tracker why was he tracking you?

What difference does it make to him which road you drive down or if you've got the heater on?

If the car gets stolen you can switch it back on.

If you lose the car you can check the app.

He does not need the app on his phone.

I highly doubt this is an isolated incident

All of this. I mean even when you made it clear this morning I don’t like you using this function he kept using it all day. This is seriously f’d up. I know a man who tracked his wife by monitoring all spending on a bank app and used to call her up and berate her if she was buying something where he hadn’t expected her to be (think a McDonald’s milkshake not a new sofa). He was creepy af and I suspect your partner is too.

strawberry2017 · 27/02/2023 17:59

You tube or find some one who can disable it for you.
He 100% knew it was there coz he had to know to set it up on his phone.
I personally couldn't care less if my car had a tracker BUT if my husband started questioning my every move I would have an issue.

MadeofElephantStone · 27/02/2023 18:01

TheFlis12345 · 27/02/2023 17:19

If he didn’t know there was a tracker, how come he had the app downloaded and was looking at it?!?

This is a good point. I wouldn't like this at all and would hate to have to justify a perfectly reasonable activity of driving another route. Take the whole radio out of your car and be wary of any other tracking devices he may have on your phone/ tablet etc. Seriously creepy behaviour.

junglejane66 · 27/02/2023 18:05

How does an AM stereo read the engine temp? It'd need to connect to the ECU, surely the only way would be connect via the OBD2 socket? Its different if you have a factory fitted unit as its part of the original system

lopsees · 27/02/2023 18:06

Your car
You can track it if YOU want.
He needs delete app.

Any other signs of controlling behaviour and you need to reconsider your relationship

Be careful

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 27/02/2023 18:09

His behaviour - tracking you rather than giving you the chance to keep track of the car yourself - is odd.

Are you controlled in other ways too?

cassiatwenty · 27/02/2023 18:10

LTB and get rid of the core problem

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 27/02/2023 18:12

That stereo would be out my car so fast. Remove it and buy yourself one. He's shown he's happy to track you without your knowledge. Asking him to stop won't make him. Remove the stereo and tbh him as well.

cassiatwenty · 27/02/2023 18:12

And I said what I said.

junglejane66 · 27/02/2023 18:14

And which stereo is it? I cant find any with a built in tracker

Hbh17 · 27/02/2023 18:15

This is awful. You have to remove the stereo.

CremeEggQueen · 27/02/2023 18:16

Lkydfju · 27/02/2023 17:10

I wouldn’t like this; bit of a red flag really that he was checking it and messaged you. Is he controlling in other ways?

This!
He claims not to have known that it tracks, ok if so - how and why did he message you so quickly then?
Who cares if you drove down a different street or not?
I'm the most boring person in the world to track but I wouldn't like that one bit!
He either takes the damn thing off or I'd be driving round random streets and towns just to confuse him more!