DP can’t keep his hands off of me

[7whiteclouds]

DP has always had a high sex drive; I’ve always had a lower one.

we have been together 10+ years and have children together.

he has always enjoyed receiving physical affection; I appreciate thoughtful acts higher than physical affection.

we clearly have differences in how we like to show and receive affection but somehow we’ve always managed to make it work. Despite the usual moan of “you don’t give me enough physical affection” whenever we have an unrelated fall out.
I’ve recently discovered that this transcribes as “you don’t initiate sexual intimacy with me”.

over the years we’d probably have sex once per week on average - usually initiated by DP. He’d usually be quite touchy feely with me at other times during the week, but wouldn’t push for things to go further if I’d said no. However, over the past 6 months DP appears to literally want his hands all over me 24/7 and seems to want sex daily. He says it’s because he’s attracted to me, he wants to feel close to me, and also wants sex. I however, don’t. I’m still happy for the usual once per week.

however to me, I constantly feel like I’m being groped and feel like he has his hands all over me just so he can try and get sex. He is constantly trying to put his hands in my bra, touch me through my knickers etc, even at inappropriate times. Even when I say no he still tries to continue to push things in hope that I change my mind. It takes a long time for him to stop after I’ve made it clear I’m not interested. Even when I’m unwell he’ll still continue to try to push things further. I constantly feel like I’m having to apologise for saying no because I’m not in the mood/unwell/stressed/tired/just don’t want sex.

I have had multiple big talks (and arguments) with him about how I’m not comfortable with this, he says he understands my point but nothing seems to have changed, despite him
Saying he’ll calm it down.

it’s getting to the point where I feel like he’s an actual “sex pest” and it’s pushing me further and further away.

we don’t have the best of relationships, but this is just making me at times feel cold towards him.

I don’t know what to do next as he clearly isn’t listening to me?

Baby is quite clearly trolling at this point guys, lets not derail the point of the thread to argue with someone so determined to stick to their guns on this.

@BabyOnBoard90

You've answered a yes or no question with a link to this thread?

Here's the question again.

If your child as a teen / adult says this to you, what would your yes or no answer be?

"Mum, my boyfriend keeps touching me sexually even after I tell him to stop. Is that sexual assault?"

Awww that's the spirit, you do you <pats ManOnBoard90's head>

Sex pests are awful. Wish they tied their stupid dicks in a knot.

I don't have any suggestions as he ignores your boundaries. He can get medication to lower his sex drive but of course he wouldn't want to do that.

To the posters upthead commenting on a proliferation of posters singing the incel tune, there is at least one (usually more) of these in every single one of these threads.

Without fail, without exception, they appear on every thread in which a woman has posted about her experiences of sexual assault or abuse.

Theses people are transparent and recognizable from a mile off. Once you've started seeing them you can't unsee.

To OP and all PPs who have similar stories, especially the poster who bravely shared that your husband is raping you in your sleep: my heart goes out to you all. No one should have to live like this, ever. And no one has the right to minimize your experiences.

The law is on your side. I hope every one of you finds the peace in your lives, the safety and sanctuary in your own homes and own beds, that everyone deserves as an absolutely basic human right.

It's a link to a post I made that clarifies my view and indicates what my response would be.

End the relationship and free yourself from this torment and troublesome situation or say to your partner/ husband : I’m going if YOU DO NOT do not alter your behavior!!! .

Youre right, I was just having a bit of fun toying with the dude but its not appropriate, apologies op.

Lool ok.

@BabyOnBoard90

Well yes, you're response would be not to answer a direct yes or no question.

How cowardly. Your prerogative though.

*your

Serafina, ty, if it was me you were referring too.. he tried to do that to me in my sleep, but i caught him every time, and he's been my ex for 6 years now.

I just wanted to make it clear to the OP that what her DP is doing now can escalate quite alarmingly once a partner decides he still has the right to touch even when being told no, repeatedly.

For the Incels... SA/Rape is as illegal within a relationship as without it. Its assault/harassment, and unacceptable on EVERY level once the words 'stop/no' or any other non-verbal queue of NO has been expressed by one party.

Sex/Touching should only EVER happen with enthusiastic consent from both parties.

I'm not trolling at all actually, just shared my views and quoted to death.

But I have already said people should have focused on supporting OP instead of trying to bait me into a debate.

Agreed, we have given her enough currency already ( yes, including me!)

I’m so sorry this has been your experience, but it doesn’t mean that the OP’s will be the same.

OP, you are being abused - there is no doubt about that. No means no, and for your DP to continue groping after you have made it clear you don’t like it, isn’t on. i don’t agree with others saying that you’re not compatible. If you’ve been together for ten years and you say this behaviour has only started to be a problem in the last six months, it could indicate a health problem. If there is an imbalance in brain chemicals or hormone levels, that could prompt compulsive sexual behaviour. It can even be a precursor to bipolar disorder and early onset dementia. Below is a link to a website that explains a bit more about other behaviour associated with this type of compulsion, so might be worth a look to see if anything else fits. As uncomfortable as these things are to discuss, I think the first thing to do is see your GP and try and get DP to agree to a health check to make sure all is well otherwise. If there’s no underlying health problem, then counselling with a sex therapist may help, but in that case, only you can decide whether you want to continue the relationship.

Can't teach logical reasoning sorry 🥱

Sorry - link didn’t work. Here it is now, hopefully

www.healthline.com/health/high-libido#can-it-be-too-high

Nothing to do with logical reasoning. You're excusing assault, saying that it's a compatibility issue and saying that the OP can just leave if she's uncomfortable.

Yes I think we've both made our views clear

And you're yawning and lolling at those who challenge your reprehensible opinion.

Op, this is absolutely sexual assault - you are being touched without your consent and after you have made it clear you do not consent. This is a fact that cannot be argued.

You do not have to report it, and you can decide to let it continue. But, it will get worse.

Its easy for me to say, but I would leave. If you feel that's too drastic I'd make it clear that this is assault and if it continues you will act on it.

But honestly, it won't get better, he'll listen for a couple of weeks and go back to being a rapey twat.

So you agree with my understanding of what you said.

More like, I just don't care. You're entitled to think whatever you want.

I think that's how we know my man is on a wind up.

Treat it like thrush - actually a bit satisfying to itch at first, but then you just have to try to ignore it until it goes away.

You have the right not to be pestered and pawed at.

He is not wrong in wanting physical intimacy

If there's a mismatch here in sexual appetite you should probably consider breaking up.