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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found out a shocking secret

412 replies

Whatheheck · 21/02/2023 16:21

I'm meant to be getting married to dp next year. But I've just learnt a shocking secret about his family. Me and dp have been having problems anyways but after learning this secret im annoyed at dp for keeping it and I don't feel comfortable marrying into this family and calling them my family, aibu?

OP posts:
OhmygodDont · 21/02/2023 16:31

It completely depends.

the whole family are a result in incest? Dad taped mum and then was a forced marriage?
uncle is a pedo but the whole family still accept him?

Flamingogirl08 · 21/02/2023 16:31

Yabu for posting but not saying what the secret is! That being said if you have these sort of doubts then don't marry him regardless of this 'secret'

ditalini · 21/02/2023 16:32

You're completely overreacting to this secret - I can't believe you're giving it a moment of your time!

OR

This is dreadful! I would end the relationship immediately.

One of the two. Obviously it's impossible to say which with your vagueposting.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 21/02/2023 16:33

The more concerning issue for me is that your DH has made you feel like your family is somehow inferior because you came from a so-called "broken home". What kind of person feels smug because their parents still happen to be together?

WalkingThroughTreacle · 21/02/2023 16:33

Are they Tory voters?

Original poster
Whatheheck · 21/02/2023 16:33

It something incestuous. With inbred children being involved. I already felt they had a very concerning attitude to soke very questionable relationships within the family.

They are of a white British culture. So it confuses me and quite frankly makes me really uncomfortable

OP posts:
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 21/02/2023 16:33

BluIsTheColor · 21/02/2023 16:30

It's cycling, isn't it!

I bet it is!

TomatoSandwiches · 21/02/2023 16:33

Do they put the Jam on a scone first OP?
It's never too late to leave x

IncompleteSenten · 21/02/2023 16:34

I'd care less about the secret than about his attitude towards you.

He makes you feel like you're less than him?

That is not someone you should ever want to be with.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 21/02/2023 16:34

Whatheheck · 21/02/2023 16:33

It something incestuous. With inbred children being involved. I already felt they had a very concerning attitude to soke very questionable relationships within the family.

They are of a white British culture. So it confuses me and quite frankly makes me really uncomfortable

Cousins marrying?

Original poster
Whatheheck · 21/02/2023 16:35

@TomatoSandwiches they put the milk in before the tea bag as well

OP posts:
ditalini · 21/02/2023 16:35

Cousin marriage then. Not illegal op and not actually inbreeding unless over several generations.

Not for me, but I couldn't get shocked by it.

Dinkleberg · 21/02/2023 16:35

Well most incest is illegal and you're saying this secret is not, so I'm assuming it's incest involving cousins?

PillBoxes · 21/02/2023 16:35

Any Royal Family involvement here? You can tell us....

ThreeLittleDots · 21/02/2023 16:35

You don't need any reason at all to end a relationship x

Ithinkimthebfg · 21/02/2023 16:36

Whatheheck · 21/02/2023 16:33

It something incestuous. With inbred children being involved. I already felt they had a very concerning attitude to soke very questionable relationships within the family.

They are of a white British culture. So it confuses me and quite frankly makes me really uncomfortable

Incest is illegal. You cannot be confused on this.

is this something ludicrous like first cousins marrying?

LaMarschallin · 21/02/2023 16:36

The reveal was outsourced by an old time friend
Meaning that an old friend let the secret out?
Or an old friend hired a barbershop quartet to sing the dreadful secret at you or something.

Anyway, YABU to ask without anybody being able to guess at what this could be.
Marry him or don't - only you can decide.

OhmygodDont · 21/02/2023 16:36

I mean unless they are asking you to take part or it is actually the illegal kind that’s their stuff I guess. I mean I don’t agree with it but it’s not my marriage.

Greenfairydust · 21/02/2023 16:36

Is he related to a well-known criminal/murderer?

As others have said already put the ''secret'' aside: the main issue is that if you have problems already in your relationship and should not marry someone you are not compatible with/don't really get on with at this early stage.

If the ''secret'' is something negative your partner has no control on or part in, I don't quite see how it is relevant or why he would go out of his way to share it. Focus instead on the fact that this does not sound like the right relationship for you, full stop.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 21/02/2023 16:36

Whatheheck · 21/02/2023 16:33

It something incestuous. With inbred children being involved. I already felt they had a very concerning attitude to soke very questionable relationships within the family.

They are of a white British culture. So it confuses me and quite frankly makes me really uncomfortable

OK, so it was cousin marriage by the sound of it, given that you said nothing illegal. First cousins? That would make me pretty uncomfortable to be fair, but if it's what your DH has grown up with, it probably seems quite normal to him.

Ragwort · 21/02/2023 16:37

Why are you questioning how you 'ought' to feel? If it makes you uncomfortable... whether it's illegal or not then own your response and cancel the wedding.

Ithinkimthebfg · 21/02/2023 16:37

Dinkleberg · 21/02/2023 16:35

Well most incest is illegal and you're saying this secret is not, so I'm assuming it's incest involving cousins?

It’s not incest if it’s with cousins. It’s parent, child, sibling or grandchild. It is not classed as incest if it’s cousins.

DaveyJonesLocker · 21/02/2023 16:37

His grandparents are cousins?

Ormally · 21/02/2023 16:37

Toss a coin based on whether you go through with it or break it off.

When the result comes up, what's your feeling about it? Do you wish it was the opposite or does it kind of confirm where your mind was heading.

threeplusmum · 21/02/2023 16:37

What is the secret?