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AIBU?

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Original poster

Found out a shocking secret

412 replies

Whatheheck · 21/02/2023 16:21

I'm meant to be getting married to dp next year. But I've just learnt a shocking secret about his family. Me and dp have been having problems anyways but after learning this secret im annoyed at dp for keeping it and I don't feel comfortable marrying into this family and calling them my family, aibu?

OP posts:
WorkingFromHomeRocks · 21/02/2023 17:10

I bet you’re one of those people who checks into casualty on FB and then when anyone asks what the matter is you say ‘I’ll PM you hun’.

What are you hoping to get out of this thread?

1982mommaof4 · 21/02/2023 17:10

I can't cope with not knowing the secret.. reminds me of people who say on their Facebook status things like "fuming" then people reply asking why which they reply DM me. Ahahahhaha

I'm too nosey to tolerate this behaviour 😂

GiveMeStrengthNow · 21/02/2023 17:10

LaMarschallin · 21/02/2023 17:04

Quite!
Jam on first means you can pile on as much cream as will balance, whereas jam second squashes the cream and some will fall off.
Firmest item on first. It's the only way.

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I agree. One county says jam first and one county says cream first.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 21/02/2023 17:11

I dont think you should marry him op:

You've been having issues
You feel like he has hidden something from you
You feel like he makes out his family is superior to yours
At the sign of trouble your gut instinct is telling you to run

GiveMeStrengthNow · 21/02/2023 17:11

WorkingFromHomeRocks · 21/02/2023 17:10

I bet you’re one of those people who checks into casualty on FB and then when anyone asks what the matter is you say ‘I’ll PM you hun’.

What are you hoping to get out of this thread?

Maybe that's the answer you have to PM to get the secret. Although to be fair the OP did say that family members are 'inbred' so it's something to do with that.

Justmeandthedog1 · 21/02/2023 17:12

Me and dp have been having problems anyways

So why would you marry him, with or without some big family secret?
If you have problems now a wedding isn’t going to make them disappear.
Walk away.

1982mommaof4 · 21/02/2023 17:14

WorkingFromHomeRocks · 21/02/2023 17:10

I bet you’re one of those people who checks into casualty on FB and then when anyone asks what the matter is you say ‘I’ll PM you hun’.

What are you hoping to get out of this thread?

This 😂

HellsCominWithMe · 21/02/2023 17:14

Twentypast · 21/02/2023 16:49

Even if his dad is a convicted criminal it's not the son's fault.

My father went to prison and it was nothing to do with me. I was judged about it and lost my best friend as her mother decided she shouldn't socialise with me.

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It’s not his fault BUT how you deal with it is a different matter.

find out your father is a pedo and refuse to accept it or believe the truth and continue to have him in your life. Then yes you’re a problem and need to be kept away from me and my children.

My own step father went to prison for drink driving offences (didn’t kill someone but passed out behind wheel bad) and deserved everything he got. I wasn’t judged for that because he deserved to be there. I’d probably be judge if it was theft as we’d have been seen to have benefited from the crime.

GlassBunion · 21/02/2023 17:14

So don't marry him then... you're already having problems , as you've said.

ItsaMetalBand · 21/02/2023 17:15

Let me guess: Mum and Dad are cousins and he's the one you are calling inbred. And you are mad because you've been made feel bad about your inferior (to him) family situation.

You shouldn't marry him because he's a knob. And that's not a genetic problem, he's just a knob.

BurntOutGirl · 21/02/2023 17:16

Whatheheck · 21/02/2023 16:35

@TomatoSandwiches they put the milk in before the tea bag as well

Shit. I do that. I'm doomed 😔

hattie43 · 21/02/2023 17:17

Whatheheck · 21/02/2023 16:26

It's more like this secret not only makes me want to cut off ties with dp but have no relations to his family. I just don't know if its all a massive exaggeration on my behaf

I think you've made your mind up . Your words here sound like you're wavering so you can't be with DP because the issue will always be the elephant in the room

bobbytorq · 21/02/2023 17:18

Whatheheck · 21/02/2023 16:26

It's more like this secret not only makes me want to cut off ties with dp but have no relations to his family. I just don't know if its all a massive exaggeration on my behaf

Hard to say if it's an exaggeration withut knowing what it is and you don;t want to say as it's outing so a pointless post.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 21/02/2023 17:18

They do say that most people go into marriages that fail already aware of the of the problem that will undermine them!

If you are having doubts - your husband hides important things from you - you feel inferior to his family ... then you really are building your relationship on deep holes.

frami · 21/02/2023 17:21

Rather than cousins is it 2 siblings from one family marrying 2 from another. I have it in my family tree and more recently a friend's daughters married 2 lads from the same family?

If not this a parent marrying a deceased partners' sibling? This was common in the past - among the wealthy for to protect inheritance and the poor to provide a mother/ housekeeper.

Sibling marriages have never been illegal. Marrying your dead spouses sibling was quite common but illegal until 1907.

Neither of these situations bother me nor do cousin marriages. Your reaction suggests to me that there are other reasons for not wanting to marry. My advice then is: DON'T! It's far easier to undo a wedding than a marriage.

smileladiesplease · 21/02/2023 17:21

I think you are using this excuse to break up with him.

If it's not illegal or criminal it's none of your bee wax is it

StaunchMomma · 21/02/2023 17:24

Doesn't sound like a family I'd want to get involved in, plus if he is the result of an incestuous relationship then his DNA could be passed down to your children and cause complications.

I'd definitely have my say about his family before you give him the boot, though. Fancy digging out your family when he's got that going on!

BluIsTheColor · 21/02/2023 17:25

BurntOutGirl · 21/02/2023 17:16

Shit. I do that. I'm doomed 😔

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Do you end up with very weak milky tea?
Maybe you're weird and like that abomination!

Justforlaffs · 21/02/2023 17:26

You sound like a right drama llama OP.

I wouldn’t marry him - you don’t seem to like him very much (or him you).

diddl · 21/02/2023 17:26

I think that I would raise my eyebrows at more than one cousin marriage.

That aside, he thinks his family is superior-isn't that reason enough to leave?

Wilma55 · 21/02/2023 17:26

Whatheheck · 21/02/2023 16:53

@TheShellBeach hit the nail on the head really. Just feels like a massive dynamic shift. I've been made to feel inferior for my family.

It's been deleted so we till don't know

AlbertaAnnie · 21/02/2023 17:28

BluIsTheColor · 21/02/2023 16:30

It's cycling, isn't it!

😂😂😂

FinallyHere · 21/02/2023 17:29

dp has made me feel that his family is better than mine as I come from a broken home and he doesn't

Does he actively tell you this, or is the comparison inside your head?

Are your DC his?

But generally, if you have been having problems, don't get married.

WiIson · 21/02/2023 17:30

It's perfectly legal for cousins to marry. It's not ideal, but calling the children inbred is quite harsh. I know a number of people whose parents were cousins. Its not that unusual.

BurntOutGirl · 21/02/2023 17:32

BluIsTheColor · 21/02/2023 17:25

Do you end up with very weak milky tea?
Maybe you're weird and like that abomination!

Show quote history

No, it doesn't. I don't like it strong though.

Some friends moan when l make it that way so l do it their way for them 😄