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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Valentine's Day drama WIBU?

217 replies

scarlettcarbonara · 13/02/2023 17:00

Dh has been unwell for the past week and hasn't made it out to get a valentines card. Seemingly he's also forgot how to use Amazon/Moonpig etc. I haven't made a fuss about it but as it's now apparent I don't have a card for tomorrow I feel a bit put out. Especially as he did a similar thing last year.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not bothered about big statement gifts. But for me a small card is just a token of appreciation. It shouldn't really be a chore and it's not hard work. He's made noises about how he really ought to get to the shop to get me a card which to me just screams of him wanting me to tell him not to bother and don't worry about it. I've calmly tried to explain that there's no point bothering now because he's made it into such a drama and faff thats not what it's about. If he really wanted to sort something he could have popped out and got one without saying anything like I did with his weeks ago.

Aibu to think this is piss poor? Yes he's been unwell but there would have been chance before that. And there's always the internet. Last year something happened where he was otherwise engaged and 'unable' to get me one too. He's usually pretty good otherwise so maybe he just doesn't care about Valentine's Day and I don't either really but it just stings a bit really.

OP posts:
FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 13/02/2023 17:05

Stop bothering yourself.

OriginalUsername2 · 13/02/2023 17:07

You’re making it a thing when it really doesn’t need to be a thing! Are you in a grownup relationship? I had no idea it was tomorrow and I love my DP to bits.

Beachbodyready · 13/02/2023 17:07

Just tell him that the important thing is the message of appreciation and he can do that at anytime. In fact it is more meaningful when he has chosen to do it himself rather than when Hallmark tells him to do it.

AFS1 · 13/02/2023 17:07

Do people in long-term relationships bother with Valentine’s Day? I always thought it was for teenagers and people in the first couple of years of dating.

sameshizdiffday · 13/02/2023 17:07

I forgot it was even Valentine's Day until I saw this 🤣
We don't do cards and gifts for Valentines, it's just a day!
Have you told him it's important to you?

AnEpic · 13/02/2023 17:07

yabu

HappyHippocampus · 13/02/2023 17:08

Does he show he loves you and appreciates you on the other days of the year OP?

Pepsipepsi · 13/02/2023 17:08

You clearly care more about getting a card than he does. Neither of you are wrong. Does he treat you well the rest of the year?
Personally I think schlepping to a shop to buy an overpriced card is a chore. And a damn waste.
I either edit a personal photo with a cute message or I cheat and design a moonpig card and screenshot it to send. No waste, no dead trees on my conscience, my partner feels appreciated and capitalism can f off. :)

longwayoff · 13/02/2023 17:09

What ? How old are you?

Original poster
scarlettcarbonara · 13/02/2023 17:11

We have only been married 3 years so I guess I am trying to cling onto the honeymoon period lol. It really isn't that important to me but I always get him a card as a token. And yes he can and does show appreciation in other ways but I guess when I've bothered and he hasn't it's just a bit annoying. Also annoying when he sighs that he really must get to the shop instead of just bloody doing it 😂

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 13/02/2023 17:11

AFS1 · 13/02/2023 17:07

Do people in long-term relationships bother with Valentine’s Day? I always thought it was for teenagers and people in the first couple of years of dating.

Me too.
It's nice to sometimes do something special but it's not an obligation. I

lozrox90 · 13/02/2023 17:12

Seeing as everyone seems to think YABU, I thought I'd say that I'd feel the same as you OP. Been married to DH for 4 years, together 13, and whilst I'm not one for big gifts and gestures I always like a card - it's not too much to ask especially now you can order them online! I would feel put out too.

skippy67 · 13/02/2023 17:17

YABU.

FineThings · 13/02/2023 17:18

If my DH had been ill for a week I wouldn't expect him to go to the shops and get me a card. And wouldn't expect him to be organised enough to be "pre-planning" his card by buying it weeks in advance. I only got his yesterday! There are years where one of us has bought a card and the other hasn't, same with anniversary cards.
Weirdly, I don't like online ordered cards, they seem impersonal - I don't know why though! Something to do with the person sending it not having actually touched it and written in it. I accept that is odd though.

Dyrne · 13/02/2023 17:18

Ah, I love the good old mumsnet competitiveness of who can care less about Valentine’s Day and using it as some sort of weird inverse correlation as to the strength of their relationship.

OP - it’s ok to be bothered by this (and I suspect if he showed you affection throughout the rest of the year it wouldn’t be as much of an issue - but Valantines Day is highlighting the fact that he can’t even be arsed to expend the most basic effort of clicking a few buttons on Amazon when it’s piss easy and shoved in his face).

You do however need to be upfront with him and stop telling him it doesn’t matter when it clearly does.

Blagdoon · 13/02/2023 17:19

It’s only the 13th. Maybe he’ll give you a card tomorrow?

youshouldnthaveasked · 13/02/2023 17:20

I can’t remember the last time my husband and I sent valentines cards.

It all feels a bit commercialised anyway

HappyHippocampus · 13/02/2023 17:20

scarlettcarbonara · 13/02/2023 17:11

We have only been married 3 years so I guess I am trying to cling onto the honeymoon period lol. It really isn't that important to me but I always get him a card as a token. And yes he can and does show appreciation in other ways but I guess when I've bothered and he hasn't it's just a bit annoying. Also annoying when he sighs that he really must get to the shop instead of just bloody doing it 😂

This is ridiculous OP. I’m sorry but it really is.

Seeing as you’ve only been married 3 years, have some advice from a wife that is many many years down the line from you.

Marriage is long. Marriage is tough too. If you pick pointless battles like this and continue to keep a tally of who’s done what, you’re letting yourself to be in for a very miserable time of it.

The guy shows you he loves you all year and you’re bothered about the one day made up by advertising execs to take your money. Catch yourself on and do the things you do out of love, not because someone might give you a present or a card in return.

JimHensonWasAGenius · 13/02/2023 17:20

AFS1 · 13/02/2023 17:07

Do people in long-term relationships bother with Valentine’s Day? I always thought it was for teenagers and people in the first couple of years of dating.

Yes they do.

DH and I have been married 31 years and still mark Valentine's day.

Everyone is different shocker!

IWineAndDontDine · 13/02/2023 17:21

Dyrne · 13/02/2023 17:18

Ah, I love the good old mumsnet competitiveness of who can care less about Valentine’s Day and using it as some sort of weird inverse correlation as to the strength of their relationship.

OP - it’s ok to be bothered by this (and I suspect if he showed you affection throughout the rest of the year it wouldn’t be as much of an issue - but Valantines Day is highlighting the fact that he can’t even be arsed to expend the most basic effort of clicking a few buttons on Amazon when it’s piss easy and shoved in his face).

You do however need to be upfront with him and stop telling him it doesn’t matter when it clearly does.

He's been ill for a week. I don't think that's fair. I've been in bed with a temp for 2 days and don't have the energy to go through my mental to do list

Whatskillsgap · 13/02/2023 17:22

There were men panic buying in M&S just now. Was quite funny to watch.

I have bought a card because I choose funny ones for DH via Etsy. But I enjoy choosing. I don't enjoy choosing Valentines tat / gifts though.

M&S had cheap looking Valentines nighties. who needs a nightie for Valentines Day?

There was a man in store who was telling his mate that he was scared he hadn't spent enough on his gf. He was scared! That's not appreciation and love - that's fear 🤣

I'd be hurt over lack of card though so YANBU.

nimski · 13/02/2023 17:24

I've been married 11 years and we still do Valentine cards & small gift. I'd be upset too OP that he couldn't be bothered esp when it clearly means something to you.

tuvamoodyson · 13/02/2023 17:24

AFS1 · 13/02/2023 17:07

Do people in long-term relationships bother with Valentine’s Day? I always thought it was for teenagers and people in the first couple of years of dating.

No…we still bother 30+years later!

Aria2015 · 13/02/2023 17:24

Not sure why so many are 'anti' Valentine's Day on here? I've been with dh 20 years and we still celebrate it. Fine if you're not fussed, but the op is and she shouldn't be made to feel bad or silly for it.

Yes, op, I think your dh should have popped out to grab a card or arranged one to be delivered. It's not that much of an ask. Maybe he'll surprise you on the day though? 🤞🏻

Coffeellama · 13/02/2023 17:25

he's made it into such a drama

Nope, no he hasn’t. Been not arsed by Valentine’s Day, he’s been ill and was hoping you wouldn’t be so bothered by a piece of cardboard. It’s you who’s made it a drama, it’s not ‘piss poor’ it’s a piece of tat that means nothing. YABU. If neither of you care about Valentine’s Day what’s your problem?